Spandex: Why?
I know this is not a new question on the minds of anyone. But as I'm cycling quite a bit these days, on my numerous laps around the lake I have quite a bit of time to think, ponder, wonder. Lately I've been coming back to the question of spandex: why?

I'm a hater. Of spandex. I understand the logic of it, to a degree. But what I don't get is the over-indulgence of spandex that some people seem to claim as their personal quest.

For instance, last summer I participated in a cycling event. I was completely naive about the situation, but I'd decided at long last to choose an event, and actually go to it. I showed up with my clunker of a mountain bike, wearing a tank top and shorts, and I was good to go. However, upon arrival and exiting my vehicle, I quickly realized I was not good to go. I was in spandex hell. And I was severely over-dressed.

Everywhere I looked, I saw spandex running amok. Now, some people can pull off the spandex cycling garb thing. These are the people who arrived hours before the event was to start, removed their bike from their rack, begin airing up tires with mechanical pumps, and proceeded to check the gravitational pull of the moon versus the direction of the wind, to determine how their ride will go for the day. They have spandex shorts, spandex shirts, spandex socks, underwear, and likely even spandex shoes. I, on the other hand, rolled up just in time to stumble out of my car, pull my bike pieces out of my trunk, reassemble the bike, and nap til the ride began. About as unprofessional as one can get.

I have to admit I did wear spandex that day. But it was conscientiously concealed beneath another layer of shorts. I am only recently beginning to brave spandex shorts out in public where they can be seen, not hidden underneath a more acceptable type of short. I pray no one is looking, and I've worked hard to increase my cycling speed, so as to limit the amount of time I have to be out inflicting my spandex wearing on innocent bystanders. Like I said, I do understand the purpose of spandex, so in the sense that it helps in certain ways and can be worn tastefully, I am pro-spandex. Being a serious cycling-type person, I am in a sense forced into the spandex arena, and I assure you I go there kicking and screaming and with much protest. Because, you see, in the sense that one must senselessly drown one's self in spandex from head to toe in order to be a good cycler, I am anti-spandex.

I saw people that day in spandex that had no business being in spandex. Since this ride wasn't a race, there were people of all shapes, sizes, ages, and riding levels at this event. Yet all of them seemed to assume that since they own a bike and can ride at some level, they had earned the right to over-do the spandex attire. I actually have no idea how they got in to the spandex. That in and of itself had to have been a greater accomplishment than completing the bike ride.

I am totally in favor of anyone capable of remaining upright on a bike being out and about in the world of cycling. I wish I could get more of my friends on bikes because it really is a great sport. I am not, however, in favor of people inflicting the world with blatant spandex abuse, wearing it on bodies and in places that should never, ever endure spandex. Just because spandex is available to the free world doesn't mean anyone has the right to flaunt it mercilessly. And really, if you are old and fat on a bike, don't get me wrong, I am glad to see you out and about. But, is the spandex really helping you go any faster? Think about it.

Somewhere in the history of spandex, something went terribly wrong. I believe it was created for good, not for evil. Why people insist on wearing it for evil, to haunt me and create waves of nausea as I try to bike around the lake, I just don't understand.

My cycling this weekend came to no conclusion about the spandex debacle. I still see it worn immorally and indecently, with every lap around the lake. But maybe my small voice will be heard, and I can somehow in some way make a difference. Please, I implore you. Use the utmost discretion before you step out of doors in any form of spandex.

The right to cycle does not equal the right to spandex. Please use extreme caution.

C.T.