Effective Food Management 101
Lately, I've been eating a lot. And I mean, a lot.

I'm training for a bike event, commonly known as a century. Said 'century' is where a bunch of crazy bike-owning people (such as myself) get together and ride 100 miles in a day. We are typically quite insane. I've never done one before, but I'm quite sure I'm insane enough to try one in a couple of months.

So, in training for this century, I'm riding my bike a lot, and lifting weights. Working out all-round, so that I can endure a 6 hour bike ride. With all the working out, I'm constantly hungry. Hence, eating a lot. Not only large quantities of food, but often.

Typically, eating is not fun for me. I'm what is known as a non-large person. I'm tall and trim, and people often mistake me for someone who never eats, and is therefore too thin to support her frame. True, at times I don't eat as much as I should. I have some stomach issues that flare up from time to time, making food sometimes alltogether unpleasant for me, both on the way in, and on the way out. But in general, I eat adequate quantities of healthy food to maintain my fabulous physique.

However, I do get bored with food. Food is not always a fun thing for me, and I have to be careful what I eat or it quickly comes back to haunt me. So, sometimes when I'm really hungry, and staring at a whole lot of food in front of me, I get bored with it before I'm actually full of it. And consequently, this is sometimes mistaken as not eating all that I should. However, my eating habit is actually a meal eating system that I've developed. No, it's not Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers, or even anything intended to control weight in any way, shape or form. It is a system solely for strategic food consumption. It's the Cynical Tyrant Strategic Food Management System.

Sandwhiches are the most likely target for the System, and the best example of applying my System to a meal. Picture the kind of sandwhich that is so large you have to cut it in half to maneuver it with any amount of grace and good manners. To enact the System, I get going on one half, starting of course with the good section in the middle, and working down and out towards the edges. Soon, I grow weary of that half, especially after I notice the other brand new half with all the good part still remaining, staring up at me from the plate. The fatigue sets in as I begin to tire from working the jaw muscles while chewing, and the arm muscles while repeatedly holding and lifting the sandwhich. Before you know it, I'm too tired to finish the sandwhich, and I have a whole half to go! Has this ever happened to you? Well relax! This is where the System kicks in.

I tend to abandon the remainder of my sandwhich half, often found still in my hands at this point, in order to secure the other good half while it's still, in fact, good. But I don't see this as a waste of food. I am adamantly against wasting food. No, my technique is actually practical and effective food management. You are not eating any more or less of the sandwhich than if you started at one end and worked towards the other, downing crust and all. But instead of filling up on parts of the sandwhich that don't deserve to even be there (is: dry edges), you are benefitting from the most desirable portions of the sandwhich during the prime sandwhich ripeness, if you will.

The System is designed to keep the best parts from going to waste, while there is still room in my tummy. Upon reaching boredom, or 'fulfillment', with the first half, I replace this mostly destroyed sandwhich half onto the plate. I then acquire the untouched sandwhich half, which had been waiting patiently on my plate, and I begin to munch. After clearing out the choice sandwhich real estate, I go back to retrieve any remaining edible portions of the sandwhich. See how it works?

Once the System has had a chance to work, you might see two remnants of sandwhich halves on the plate, rather than one completely empty spot formerly inhabited by a sandwhich half, accompanied by the other mostly devoured sandwhich half. It would be a crime to let any part of the sandwhich goodness go to waste, just for the sake of clearing out one entire half of a sandwhich before moving on to the next half. Especially when we all know that the crusts of sandwhiches are evil. Or at least not as good and wholesome as the non-crust part. The System accounts for sandwhich crust evilness, while allowing you to benefit from the parts of the sandwhich that have not been infected by evilness, or staleness. It actually preserves freshness! WOW!

There you have it, the Cynical Tyrant Strategic Food Management System. It also works well with the last few sips of juice in a cup that has been sitting out, thus turning the juice warm and non-thirst quenching. In this case, you would get a new cup, pour new juice, drink the new refreshing thirst-quenching juice, and if you then found yourself still thirsty you would go back to the warm juice and finish it off. The System can be used on almost any food or drink, any time, anywhere. And remember, you're not wasting food. You are strategically managing your consumption of food and drink so that you benefit from the best aspects and most nutritious parts of the food, or 'fuel' that you consume to maintain a healthy, happy body and mind. Try it today!!

**The Cynical Tyrant Strategic Food Management System is not sold in stores, by mail order, online, on street corners, down back alleys, or out of the trunks of cars. In fact, it is not sold at all. The System is only available by reading this blog.**

C.T.