Cookies of the Scouts
I bought Girl Scout cookies for the first time ever. I still usually think of myself as a kid, and therefore too poor and under no obligation to support the Girl Scouts and their cookie-making madness. But I'm beginning to realize that little kids see me as an adult, since I am tall and adult-like in appearance at times. Comes with approaching the age of 30, I suppose.

I have a strict policy about not supporting unsolicited pleas for my financial support. I've already chosen where I will give my time and money, and I'm just perturbed by other people asking for what little money I have to give, as though I can't make that decision on my own. I'm bugged by people I don't know calling me at random, not to talk to me, but just to ask for my money to support their cause. What happened to getting to know a person first? I mean, I don't want to know these people, but they should want to know me if they want my money. I'm also thoroughly annoyed by kids outside of Wal-Marts and other stores, approaching me as I'm trying to enter the store, trying to get me to buy their junk. Do they think I'm at Wal-Mart to buy junk?

I just have a general unspoken, unwritten policy to not support those kinds of activities. Which is strange since my job is a fundraiser for a homeless shelter. I often have to ask people for money, and I often talk to people for the sole purpose of getting money out of them. I just don't like people to do that to me. Especially kiddos.

But, unspoken and unwritten policies can be changed. Much like my heart of near-stone.

I found out the hard way that it is apparently Girl Scout cookie season once again. I approached the cardstore, and before I even got out of my car, I knew I was going to be bombarded by the team of Girl Scouts all over the front of the store. It was more of a pack, really. They were everywhere. There was no way into the store without running into several waves of pre-teens, peddling boxes of cookies. They were on the street corner wearing cookie costumes, in the parking lot singing and dancing a cookie jig, the moms were out in full force holding signs, and there were several moms and Scouts lined up in front of the store, waiting to pounce. I parked as far away from them as I could. I didn't want them coming up to the Jeep, shoving cookies in the windows and demanding payment for cookies now in my possession. They do that, you know. Well, I haven't seen it, but it's possible.

I headed towards the store, rehearsing my most sincere, "Sorry, but I can't buy any cookies right now." It is my policy! I believe it with all my heart. Really, I am not rich. I can't just go around frivolously spending my hard earned cash on boxes of cookies, to support an organization that has nothing to do with me. I don't even have a girl who is a scout. I never even was a Girl Scout, as a girl myself.

Hmmm. Maybe that's why I hate them so . . .

As I approached the door of the store, one tiny little girl, decked out in her finest Girl Scout attire, sitting sweetly next to her mother, asked ever-so-politely if I'd like to buy a box of cookies. Oh my gosh! The nerve!! She'd pulled out the heavy artillery from the get-go! They'd launched the cutest Scout right at me, AND she was sitting next to her mom. I was not prepared for that. I almost faltered. But, sticking to my stern, unflinching, unwielding story, I flashed a smile right back at her and said, "Maybe on my way out, okay?"

WHAT WAS THAT!?!?! Sure, I left myself an out. I didn't actually commit to buying any cookies. But I gave her hope that I'd come back on my way to the car and purchase some cookies from her cherubic little self. I mean, I think this kid was literally glowing, including a halo hovering over her perfect little head. Now I'd have to deal with leaving the store, walking back past the cutest Girl Scout ever, and her mom, while trying NOT to buy any cookies. Maybe I could live in the store from now on and never leave?

I shopped for the 4 cards I needed for as long as I could, without looking like I was making the biggest decision of my life. It's not that hard to pick out 4 cards, so it wasn't long before I started attracting attention as being in there a really long time. The sweet cardshop ladies kept asking me if I needed assistance. YES!! Will you please go outside and distract that sweet little girl and her mom while I run the other way?? They didn't go for it.

I bought the cards, and headed for the door. I walked slowly, looking out the glass windows to see if maybe the Girl Scouts had deserted their post, so I wouldn't have to say no, get out my pepper spray, and run. But, there they sat. Watching the door, waiting for my return. I walked out the door and over to the table, wallet in hand. There was no escaping now. I'd be having Girl Scout cookies for dessert tonight.

But when I got to the table, there were two other Girl Scouts there. They'd pulled some sort of shape-shifting trick on me for sure! I'd just seen the cute one and her mom sitting there waiting. It had to be some new mind trick, for which I'm sure they now have a patch to award the Scouts who can successfully shape-shift and trick unsuspecting, and poor, people into buying their cookies. What happened to the super-model Scout? She was the kid you probably see on all the Girl Scout recruiting posters. Now, there were these two older girls where she was just sitting. Two Scouts who, incidentally, could quite possibly beat me up. The bait and switch!!! They hooked me in with the angelic one, then sealed the deal with the two bouncers. Definitely, no escaping now. I didn't turn to look, but I knew my exits were blocked. I had to buy some cookies. Or die cookie-less, but firm in my beliefs.

So, I put on a happy face and proudly asked for one box of Semoas. Yes, one box. Again, I can't over-do it. I am not rich! I work at a homeless shelter, for goodness sakes! And this was my first Girl Scout cookie purchase ever. The significance of the moment needed to be revered, and not overshadowed by boxes of cookies running amok and into my Jeep.

The bouncers were not impressed with my offering to purchase one box. I know I saw some eye rolling. But, they accepted my three dollars, handed over the box, and almost said thank you. I think they were more thankful that I was blocking the sun from their eyes from where I was standing. I turned and left, leaving the sun to shine all over them and their cookie table. I showed them!

I do love Girl Scout cookies. They are quite tasty. I'd just never bought my own before. This was a big occassion! I did a real grown-up thing! I could hardly wait to get home and into my Semoas. They're the best kind, you know.

Once I got home and had a better chance to look at my purchase, I realized the scam that had taken place. Do you realize there are only, like, 10 cookies in one box?!?! What a ripoff!! And they are tiny cookies!! Even being as non-large as I am, it is no big deal to go through a box of Semoas in one or two sittings. Three dollars? I had to wonder how this small box of tiny cookies could possibly be worth three dollars. Do the Scouts actually make the cookies themselves, out of love, sugar, and thin air? That would be worth three dollars.

I did enjoy the cookies, and the satisfaction that the local Girl Scouts were now three dollars closer to their fundraising goal. Yes, I, a responsible, kind, adult-type person, had supported a cause that solicited my attention without permission. I was the mysterious and generous stranger, helping those in need. I deserved a pat on the back. A round of applause. An award! I gave when I didn't have to give. How noble of me.

I wonder if there's a way to order Girl Scout cookies online? I am now hooked on Semoas, since one box does not come close to satisfying that craving. But I can't face anymore dangerous Scouts. They are a frightening bunch.

C.T.