Monday, December 31, 2007

___________ New Year

Please fill in the blank with the New Year's adjective of your choice (happy, crappy, ridiculous, whatever).

As for me, I look at a new year as the next day in a regular week. It's necessary, since it comes next. But I choose not to describe it so early in the year.

I don't do New Year's resolutions. They are lame and they never stick.

However, I do have some goals for the year. This does not mean that I will start them tomorrow, Day 1 of the new year. And this does not mean I "resolve" to actually do them.

They are ideas. They are goals. They are plans, and sometimes plans change, and that is a caveat that I am completely comfortable with.

I am not a failure if I do not accomplish them. They are areas to focus on and things to think about amidst a whole lot of other stuff that I've got going on.

Nothing more.

1. I have a very tiny pair of jeans that I bought a couple of years ago, amidst much ridicule for being able to fit into said pair of tiny jeans at the time. I did not like the attention of being able to fit in those jeans, and I usually strictly keep to not letting anyone know what size clothes I wear because I've found that skinny people only end up getting ridiculed when people find out how tiny our clothes are.

I could do without that. I deal with enough crap on a daily basis as it is. Let's just say I wear the same size clothes as you do, and leave it as that.

Anyway, at the time of the tiny jeans, I was in much better shape than I am now. As such, at this very moment, I cannot fit into that particular pair of jeans . . . and it bothers me greatly. Not because I am obsessed about needing to fit into skinny clothes, or because I am actually fat now. I've just never had to think about it before.

Being one who has never had much issue with weight (all of you who at this very moment who hate me for writing about my weight can feel free to click on another blog . . . I don't care), I don't really know what to do with the fact that I've gained a few pounds. I am getting older, my metabolism is changing (for the first time ever), and weight is not necessarily that "one more thing" I care to have to start worrying about at this stage in my life.

Thirty-something years of never having had a pair of jeans I can't get into creates a bit of a stress issue, I don't care who you are.

However, the obvious thing that I need to do is to start exercising again, and watching closer as to what I eat. I've gone completely off the deep end eating whatever I want (namely a lot of pizza and cheese) and rarely exercising. I do understand that this problem is fixable. I just have to make up my mind to be less lazy, and to not let working all of the crazy hours I work keep me from getting on the bike a few times a week.

It's a balance issue more than anything else. My life is a bit unbalanced and consumed by work, at the moment.

Therefore, my first goal is to get into those tiny jeans again . . . at some point in 2008.

2. My second goal is to find a church that I can stand to go to as a regular part of my life.

I thought my last church was "the" church for me, for good. However, I was wrong about that. And I've been pretty broken-hearted about it since I figured that out.

Now that I've taken a year off from being way too involved in a church that wasn't what I thought it was, I feel like moving toward a new church is something I'm starting to get ready to approach.

Therefore, my goal in 2008 is to find a church, and go . . . at least sometimes. No pressure to run the place. No pressure to join everything and spend all of my time at said church or with said church people.

The goal is to find a place where I am comfortable, liked, able to learn and grow, hang out with God with people who also like to hang out with God, not compromise my beliefs to fit in, and to build new friendships.

Again, balance is key.

God has been very good to me in 2007. It's weird to say that I needed a break from church, but I think it's been a break that had God's blessing, if that makes sense.

For now, I am content to be at home, on New Year's Eve, in my pjs, on the couch (and about to eat some pizza). I don't care that it's New Year's Eve and it is socially unacceptable to not be out with people, at a party, or celebrating in some way.

I am too old for such parties, and I have no problem blogging to the world that a decent New Year's Eve for me involves my flannel pjs and my fuzzy leopard print slippers.

Tomorrow will be much of the same, likely sleeping until about 11am or so, and probably not embarking on my goals just yet.

Plus, as I've mentioned before, I don't see so good right now. So, being the shut-in that I am, it's important to me to be home when it's dark outside, especially with the New Year's Crazies out on the roads tonight.

Safe New Year, everyone.

(That's the adjective of choice for me.)


Acoustic Bliss

I'm a fan of things that sound good.

I'm also a fan of delicious flavor, but that's another story for another day.

Having lived a lifetime of eyes that don't work so good, I like to think my sense of hearing has been heightened due to my ridiculous partial blindness.

  • I can hear most anything, even things that other folks don't (or can't) hear.
  • I'm really good at hearing things I'm probably not supposed to hear (ie: through walls, around corners, far away, and even whispers . . . and often even just thoughts . . .).
  • I've got an ear for music: good pitch, good balance, deep bass, full middles, and crisp highs. If something is out of tune, I will likely be the first to tell you (probably first by the pained look on my face).
As such, I am very particular about sound: speakers, earphones, you name it. I just can't listen to things that sound bad.

I stuck with the lame headphones that came with my ipod for almost a year, mostly based on principle. I don't like to waste things, so I decided I would wait until those earphones were worn out before I considered purchasing better earphones.

Today, my new earphones arrived. And I immediately put them through a rigorous sound test before I decided that I have made a good purchase.

Also, I think it is gross to return earphones after they have been tested. So, I am glad these seem to have the potential to work out well. Because I probably would have kept them anyway, plus ordered new ones if they sucked.

My test is simple, yet thorough. I listen through a wide sampling of everything on my ipod that represents all of the ranges of music that tests every aspect of sound possibilities through the earphones. This includes:
  • Sara Bareilles (a new favorite. If I can't sing along to satisfactory sound, it's not even worth moving to the next music sampling on the list)
  • Maroon 5
  • Rilo Kiley
  • Avril Lavigne
  • Daughtry
  • Suzie McNeill
  • Justin Timberlake (especially important for good bass)
  • Fergie/Black Eyed Peas (also important for good bass)
  • Evanescence
  • Word What What, and World Funk (from the CD I made of my sister's song last year)
  • U2 (particularly Elevation)
  • Michael Jackson
  • Mariah Carey
  • Sheryl Crow
These are the basics, with a few other random selections mixed in, depending on what mood I'm in.

Then, comes the big finale: selected works from The Phantom of the Opera.

If the Phantom sounds like a Phantom should sound, then these earphones pass the test.

And, they did.

V-moda moda-phones. Reasonably priced, sound good, fit my ears (they come with those squishy size fitting options to pick from). Plus, they blocked out the sound of the TV while I did my testing.

I've had them for about 2 hours, but so far, I recommend.

Of course, there are more expensive earphones out there that I'm sure sound better. But, quite frankly, I don't want to spend that much money. I also want new shoes and some jeans that fit.


Sunday, December 30, 2007

I'm considering an eye patch.

So, the latest on my newly-LASIKed eyeballs is that the left eye is doing great, but the right eye seems to have decided to stay semi-blurry.

My last follow-up appointment yielded the news that they will have to "touch up" my right eye after all. Not because the surgery went wrong, but because with eyes as bad as mine were, sometimes it takes a second surgery to get to 20/20 vision.

Now, in my opinion, calling this a "touch up" is very misleading. I touch up my make-up. I touch up the paint on that table I painted. I touch up the paint on my toenails when I get a chip. In these instances, "touching up" means just a wee dab to fix a blemish.

But to "touch up" my eyeball means they have to do the surgery again on my right eye. They don't just dab it. They cut the flap and laser it again.

But whatever it takes to get my eyeballs in tip-top sight shape, I will do it. It is, after all, guaranteed.

In the meantime, however, I am considering an eye patch.

I can see generally fine, and all things considered, I'm happy with the progress since the surgery and I know that my eyes are still adjusting and they will continue to get better. It's great not having to fuss with contacts, and it's pretty cool to wake up and be able to see.

But my depth perception is a bit wonky, since my eyeballs are not seeing evenly and all that. The long-distance seeing of things is pretty fuzzy, especially at night. I'm pretty much an old lady shut-in when the sun goes down. I don't like to drive at night.

Plus my right eyeball gets pretty tired and hurty pretty quickly from straining to see as well as the left eyeball, especially staring at my computer all day.

Why, you might ask, should I draw attention to my handicapped eyeball? Well, the answer is simple. If I have to deal with a crazy eyeball that, quite frankly, makes me even more clumsy than I am on a normal day, I might as well make it obvious to the world that I have an eye problem.

Plus, the eye patch would give the right eyeball a rest from trying to see more than it is able to see just yet.

However, my research today on eye patches has revealed to me that I apparently have to also get a nose-ring, tattoo, and a parrot.

I'm fine with that, by the way.


Saturday, December 29, 2007


This is my general feeling throughout the holiday-birthday season. Starts around Thanksgiving and lasts through February.


Holidays are still sad and hard without my sister, and then our birthdays happen just after I get rid of the holidays. I get older, she doesn't. It's weird and I don't like it.

This year I've been working so many crazy hours that I haven't had time to feel the craptacularness. That's good in some ways. Makes the time go by faster. But it's bad in the sense that I think it all caught up to me this week.

It's craptaculariffic.

Oh well. February will be here before I know it.


Things I do not want to pursue

I've had the TV on MTV's Made most of today. It appears it was a marathon.

Through this experience, I have learned that I do not want to be made into any of the following things:

  • A BMX biker chick
  • A cheerleader
  • A teenage beauty pageant contestant
I'm not sure why teenage girls think these career paths will change their lives for the better, but apparently it works for the ones who have MTV to help them.

I'm definitely too old to be watching this show.


Friday, December 28, 2007

I've never understood the Disney Vault

You know how Disney will show commercials that say you have to buy Lady and the Tramp NOW before it goes back into the Disney vault? I don't get that.

Is there really a vault?

And does Disney think we really believe that if we don't run out right this second and buy Cinderella (I, II, and III . . . apparently), that we'll never, ever be able to own a copy of it after it goes back in the vault?

I fell for this with The Wizard of Oz. And like, a year later they put it on DVD with a bunch of bonus features.

Now I'm stuck with a Wizard of Oz VHS . . . in one of those extra large Disney cases that don't fit on the same shelf with my other tapes.

In my many years of experience (and careful tracking of Disney Vault items), stuff comes out of the vault all the time. And stuff never stays vaulted for very long, either. So why all the drama when things go in or out of the vault?

I'm on to you, Disney Vault.

I will not go out and buy The Little Mermaid tonight. Go ahead and put it back in the vault.

I don't even care.


Dear Kia Maniac,

I don't really understand you and your Kia Fest "I'm a Maniac" commercial.

All you do is dance around, make those "I'm shooting a gun" hand gestures, and at one point you kinda do some naughty thrusts towards a minivan. It's grody.

Plus, you're all sweaty.

Therefore, please understand that I will never buy a car from you. Truthfully, I don't ever plan to buy a Kia, regardless of your stupid commercial.

But even if I was considering a Kia at this time, I think I would probably change my mind due you being a maniac and all.


Tuesday, December 25, 2007

I have relived all of the 80s and 90s in the past four days.

The Christmas holiday has allowed me four work-free days.

These four days have allowed me to catch about 108 hours of "I Love the 80s", "Best Songs of the 80s," and "Best Songs of the 90s."

So much great music, y'all. Such a shame that it all had to end.

Not to mention, the hair.



Sunday, December 23, 2007

Last minute gift ideas

For those of you who are still rushing to finish your Christmas shopping (as am I), in the span of about 30 minutes of having the TV on this morning, I learned that the following celebrities have fragrances available for anyone on your list who still needs a gift:

  • Hillary Duff
  • Gwen Stefani
  • David Beckham
  • Carlos Santana (for women)
  • Shania Twain
Simply choose the celebrity you would like your friends or loved ones to most smell like, then purchase.

I'm a little perplexed by the Carlos Santana for women, but maybe that's just the scent for that special someone in your life.


Wednesday, December 19, 2007

They gave me a microphone and everything.

I was asked to emcee our office Christmas party and White Elephant Gift exchange today for our annual Christmas event.

Apparently I wasn't the first choice, which is why they asked me a mere hour or so before the shindig . . .

But whatever. They gave me a microphone and turned me loose in front of a room of literally 37 people. So they were pretty much at my mercy for a good hour or so.

Fortunately, I was amazingly entertaining, witty, charming, engaging, interactive, thought-provoking, and I managed to come up with a spontaneous haiku.

Yeah, they'll think twice about making me their second choice again next year . . .

Wait, I mean, I probably won't be their second choice next year.

Er . . . um . . . whatever. I was awesome. And I hardly made fun of anyone at all.

Well I didn't make anyone cry. And they didn't throw things at me. And they laughed, and I'm pretty sure it was because I was funny, and not lame.

Anyway, I might see if I can make Professional White Elephant M.C. my new career. It was way funner than spreadsheets.

Maybe I'll just emcee lunch everyday and see if they'll pay me extra for that.


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Secret Santa gets Scandalous, y'all

First, let the record show that I had the best Secret Santa this year EVER . . . in the history of all Secret Santa's worldwide, in history, infinity.

Second, the great Secret Santa Scandal of '07 happened completely accidentally and innocently, and I was, in fact, involved initially only by request to help a fellow Secret Santa person of interest in an effort to secure the enjoyment of a third party Secret Santa-ee. Had this person not enlisted my help in a ploy to quite possibly save the life of a fellow coworker, none of this would have ever happened.

Third, it is not my fault that I have a deviously clever nature and the extreme talent of turning an accidental situation into a hilarious scandal. Sadly, this does sometimes result in the exploitation of others for the sole purpose of my entertainment. But again, I cannot help it. Sometimes.

I can if I really try. But let's face it, when I keep myself in check too much, things just get boring.

Fourth, no people (or animals) were actually harmed throughout this scandal.

Fifth, it's too twisted of a tale to tell at this pertinent juncture. But let me again reiterate that my Secret Santa was the best, from start to finish, and especially in the middle when I might have mentioned that my Secret Santa sucked (being pretty sure she was my Secret Santa but also having to live the lie of having a FAKE Secret Santa, yet finding it a little bit hilarious that the situation at that moment just got ridiculous, through no intentional actions on my part, completely out of my control . . . mostly).

Sixth, it was the first Secret Santa Scandal ever. So really, people should be thanking me for being the select few who were (willingly or otherwise) involved in making history. We will be talked about for generations to come.

Seventh, it is quite possible that no one will want to be my Secret Santa next year, and that I have some comeuppance coming at me soon, when I least expect it. If that's the case, I deserve it.

Eight, you have to get up pretty early in the morning to put one over on me. You should know that before you try anything you might regret later . . .

Ninth, did I mention how great my Secret Santa was this year? SUPER great. Like, Alexander the Great great, but not in a bad way.

I might have to make a lot of lemon squares to make up for the scandal heard round the office . . . by some people . . . who were in the lunch room during lunch . . . today.


Sunday, December 16, 2007

(Almost) No Soup For You!

I had the brilliant plan today to make my mom's homemade soup. The brilliance of this plan is that one of those vats of soup will last me all the livelong week.


I also had the brilliant plan today to start getting rid of the 108 million pounds of leaves all over my yard.

The problem with the brilliance of both of these plans is that I tried to do them both at once.

Not genius.

To start the soup, you have to boil a soup bone for an hour and a half. No need to stand around and watch that. So I figured I'd get it started, then go scoop up some leaves, then after an hour and a half I'd come back and finish the soup, then let it simmer for a few hours while I did some more leaves.

So, I started the bone a boilin'. No problem.

Went out and cleaned up leaves in the front yard using my dad's leaf sucker thingie (also genius). Sucks, mulches, bags - all at once.

An hour and a half later, I go back inside to check on the soup bone and it turns out that I must not have put enough water in there with it because it was pretty much burned to the bottom of the pan.

Dang. My plan was RUINED.

So, I had to go get another soup bone. See, once I get it in my head that I want something to eat, I pretty much have to eat that something. Nothing else sounds good. And I had all of the other soup stuff.


But, then there was another problem: a lack of another soup bone.

Super Target - does not carry soup bones. What???
Tom Thumb #1 - apparently I bought the last soup bone there earler today because there weren't any more soup bones.

I had to find a second Tom Thumb, then ask the guy behind the meat counter if he could pretty please find a soup bone for me.

He found one. It was frozen.

Forty-five minutes later, I get back home. I thaw the soup bone. I clean out the previous soup bone attempt. And I get the second soup bone going.

I dump a whole lot of water in there this time.

Fortunately, this time it all worked out fine. I did a few more leaves, but not as many as I wanted to (by this point it's starting to get dark outside).

And by my calculations, my soup should be ready to eat by about 8 or 9:00 tonight.

I'm just glad that I'll have soup. I hate to think what would have happened if there had been no soup for me.



Saturday, December 08, 2007

Farewell, generic Target contact solution.

Your services are no longer required.

I will dispose of you in some sort of ceremonious fashion to recognize and in appreciation of your many years of service to my eyeballs.


NOW we're getting somewhere

I woke up this morning and my eyeballs were MUCH clearer. I could actually see the clock from across the room.

I don't know why that's important, but I'm sure it will come in handy someday.

I am noticing that as my eyes get tired (which is pretty quick right now), they get blurrier. But I feel encouraged today that this whole LASIK thing was actually a good idea.

I'm not gonna lie. Yesterday I was pretty apprehensive that I would be mediocrely blind for the rest of my entire life. Especially after this woman came out of her follow-up appointment telling everyone in the room that she could read all of the eye charts with no problem and that everything was awesome.

My immediate thought was, "What is wrong with my eyeballs??? This whole thing is a failure!!! I just want to LIVE!"

Sometimes I leap to the dramatic. But usually just in my head.

And I'm not going to lie, I wanted my eyeballs to win. But that lady totally won in being able to see better than me, faster than me.

I hate her.

Here are some of the highs and lows so far, as of Day Two after my surgery:

  • It really doesn't hurt. Seriously. No lie. The part where they put this suction thing on your eye and everything goes black, then they cut the flap - that part is a little uncomfortable. And weird, since, well, everything goes BLACK for about 15 seconds. But honestly, nothing about this has hurt.
  • That's not to say it isn't a bit uncomfortable at times. My eyes are a little scratchy and dry, but really no more so than on an average day of working 11 hours and staring at my computer screen for 10.5 of those 11 hours. Considering I had laser beams shot at my eyeballs, they don't feel too bad.
  • Drops. I'm not gonna lie, this whole thing involves a LOT of drops. Prior to this whole surgery thing, I was anti-drops. However, now that I understand how dry the eyeballs can get after the LASIK, I might be a bit of a drops junkie. The artificial tears are genius. And I just kind of pour then all over my face, and eventually some of them get in my eyeballs. It's my own special technique.
  • Eye Boogers and/or Goop. I'm not gonna lie, there is a lot of eye goop involved here. What with the antibiotic drops and the nighttime eye gel, it all adds up in your eyeball. And they don't let you clean it out for the first seven days. It's pretty grody. Until further notice, everyone has intructions not to look at my eyes.
  • My skin looks fantastic. The antibiotic drops (that sometimes tend to run down my face when I miss my eyeballs) are doing wonders for my skin. It is so clear. Which is nice, since my eyeballs are full of goop. Hopefully the clear glow of my skin will distract everyone from the layers of goop coating my eyeballs.
  • But, I have to wear these awesome goggles. Every time I step outside, I'm supposed to wear my awesome goggles. Every time I bathe, I have to wear the awesome goggles. Get the mail? Wear the goggles. Go to Target? Wear the goggles. Take a shower? Wear the goggles. The good thing about the goggles is that they cover up the eye goop. The bad thing is that they make me look like an aged reject from the swim team. Or a superhero. I'll go with superhero. Unless I decide to go everywhere in my swimsuit. Or maybe that should be my superhero outfit . . .
  • The tape, Dear God, the tape! At night, for sleeping, I have to tape these fantastic shields to my face to cover my eyeballs. This is to keep me (or the monsters in my room at night) from poking my eyeballs during the night. The tape that keeps these wonderful things on my face is probably the stickiest thing I have ever experienced in my life. I've got two nights of tape residue build-up on my face. It just doesn't come off. Which means other fun things (like lint and hair) now stick to my face.
I'm not going to lie. I am so sexy right now, you would not even believe it.

It is a bit frustrating that the clarity is a progressive feature. It's not immediate. You don't leave the surgery able to see 20/20. After a week of already seeing blurry because of having to wear my glasses, at this point you just want to be able to see perfectly.

But, it is encouraging that I can tell that I'm gradually seeing clearer. It fluctuates, clearer sometimes, then blurry as my eyes get tired. But when I woke up this morning and had about an hour of seeing at least as well as I was ever able to see with my contacts, I realized that this is a really amazing thing going on with my eyeballs.

The moments when I am frustrated, I just say to myself, "Tyrant, you did not have to put contacts in this morning, and your glasses are sitting on the coffee table. You may not be able to see the subtitles on your TV, but you aren't running into walls and furniture, either. Suck it up."

It's tough love.


Friday, December 07, 2007

R.I.P Tyrant Glasses (1981-2007)

Of course, these aren't the same glasses I got as my first pair of glasses when I was five years old. But they are the last glasses I will ever wear.

Er . . . have worn. I don't need them anymore.

They are representative of a lifetime of glasses, contacts, and really, really, ridiculously bad eyesight.

It's a little piece of me that is gone forever. Kinda weird. Kinda cool.

It's especially weird since things are still blurry today. Everything is ok, according to the doctor who checked my eyes for my follow-up today. It's just weird that I can see some things, but not other things, and I can't put in contacts or wear my glasses to see better.

I just have to be patient with my eyes to get clearer as they heal.

I'm just ready for it to be the end of the first seven days. Because after seven days, I can clear out these disgusting eye boogers that I've got going on here.

Good heavens, the eye boogers are disgusting. And they don't let you clean them out until a week after your surgery.

I'm pretty much not leaving the house until Monday, and at that point everyone will have strict instructions not to look at me.

I'm hideous.


Thursday, December 06, 2007


It's my new superhero identity.

Hey, if I have to wear these silly goggles, I will insist that they make me a superhero.

This is my first post with the new eyeballs. Things are still a bit blurry, but gradually getting better. I consider it a success so far that I can see enough to type without the aid of glasses or contacts.

The last time this was possible, I was four years old. And I couldn't type. Because I was four.

More later . . .


Wednesday, December 05, 2007

New Eyeballs Eve

It's late and I'm tired, but I figured I should ramble aimlessly about my feelings before I get my new eyeballs during the wee hours of tomorrow morning.

How do I feel? Excited.


And anxious. Nervous, if you will.

Um . . . very.

I mean, it is, after all, my EYEBALLS that I'm messing with there. I can't see so good now. The thought of that tiny possibility that something could go horribly wrong, leaving me blinded for life, is a bit . . . scary.

I've had to wear my glasses for the past four days. The prescription is probably at least five years old, which means I basically can't see much at all. I've been surprised at how frustrating it's been for me, even knowing that it will all be better than ever after tomorrow morning.

Driving is scary. I'm not even sure my clothes match. My hair has been unsatisfactory. I don't really look at anybody because I can't tell if they are looking back at me . . . or not. People talk to me from across the room, and I have no idea.

I think it's true that your other senses are heightened the more blind you are. I can hear just about anything (often things that no one else hears, and no, they are not just voices in my head0, and I am often the first to pick up on a smell (my nose is VERY sensitive).

BUT, I've also noticed over the past couple of days how much not being able to see really keeps me focused just on my little world. Like, no further than the few feet or so that I can clearly see around me. People have to come right up to me for me to notice they are talking to me. I've been hiding in my cube at work all week because I can see everything in the cube and I know that is safe.

Outside of the cube is very dangerous.

I don't even feel funny with my glasses on. I think maybe my humor doesn't translate through these thick Coke bottles on my face. I also think I've been talking louder, like maybe no one can hear me if I can't see them? I don't know.

I've also been hiding in the bathroom come time to attempt to put drops in my eyes, but that's another story.

It struck me this week that there are probably many people in the world in my situation right now, or in worse situations. For me, it will be over tomorrow. I'll have fantastic eyesight, possibly even X-ray vision. But for a lot of people, they probably live with eyesight as poor as mine has been these past few days. Minimally functional eyesight.

It's almost a suffocating feeling. You feel closed in to a very small space.

I even feel like my brain is fuzzier this week, I think maybe because everything I see is fuzzy. I think it's all related. I don't think I would get very far in the things I need to do everyday if I had to live seeing this poorly all the time. I don't doubt that eyesight plays a part in success.

Tomorrow I will be able to see everything, clearly, more clearly than ever before. That thought overwhelms me.

I don't know what it's like to be able to see the clock in the middle of the night without pulling a George Constanza squint. I think it will freak me out the first time I turn off the lights to sleep and everything is still clear around me. Even in the dark.

Sometimes not being able to see things in the dark is scary. I can't see the monsters coming to get me while I'm trying to sleep. But then again, it's kind of comforting. Everything is a blur, so that means I don't focus on anything around me. No distractions. I'm in my sleep world.

This able-to-see thing will be a big change, one that will pretty much blow my mind from the sheer awesomeness of it. But, I anticipate it will take me awhile to adjust to it. I always freak out for awhile when there's a change involved. I've lived as long as I can remember not being able to see clearly. Obviously I'm not as bad off as many, many, many people. But still, it's kind of like a comforting handicap.

I thought about Carrie Weaver on ER (because everything in life relates to T.V.). She had that ridiculous limp with the crutch for whatever reason, and it turned out that she could have had it fixed surgically many times over, but she was always hesitant to do it because she felt like it was part of her identity to have that limp, that crutch (literally).

I'm all for seeing better and doing it with this surgery. But still, I've always been unable to see. I'm used to it. I've always had to wrestle with glasses or contacts, eye doctor visits, packing contact lens solution when I travel. All hassles that I will be very glad to get rid of in just a matter of hours.

But still, all . . . part of who I am. Or have been.

I've always wondered what my blog looks like. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

SEE you later . . .


Tuesday, December 04, 2007

I call it . . .

The Dance of the Eye Drop Delinquent.

I have to put drops in my eyes every four hours until my surgery on Thursday.

I am terrible at drops. TERRIBLE.


I don't really like things coming at, or touching my eyeballs. And even though I am too blind to see the drops coming at my eyeball, I anticipate it. Therefore, I can't stop blinking when aiming the drops at my eyeball.

I also can't see well enough to aim straight anyway. I kind of have to weave and bob around while kind of freaking out at the anticipation of the drop landing in my eyeball.

So I end up wearing a few drops before one eventually gets in my eyeball.

One person told me today that I'm pretty much like a child about the whole thing.

It's true.

Or is it . . . a new fancy dance that I invented called the Dance of the Eye Drop Delinquent.

Not unlike the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, only with less sugar plums and less fairies.

And I'm the delinquent.


Monday, December 03, 2007


Yesterday, I spent exactly $50.91 on food at the grocery store. This is a wonderful thing.

If you spend $50 on groceries, you get 10 cents off per gallon of gas the next time I fill up the Jeep. This, you see, is pretty much a goldmine, in my book.

You should know by now that I hate gas prices. I like gas. I hate paying for it. Especially paying a LOT for it.

Obviously, the catch to this 10 cents off deal is that you have to spend $50 to get it. This obviously makes people, more often than not, spend at least $50 in the store.

Why not? It's like free gas, people.

But, quite frankly, I don't always need $50 worth of stuff at the grocery store as often as I need gas in my car.

So, if I know I don't need $50 worth of stuff, I'll focus on buying as little as possible. I don't want to even get close to $50 if I can't go ahead and spend $50 to get that 10 cents worth of gas.

But, if I'm pretty sure I can spend $50, I'll go ahead and make sure that I do. However, I'll try to keep it as close to just $50 as possible.

I don't want to spend $75 and still only get the $10 cent benefit that I get for spending just $50.

So, I was pretty excited when everything that I collected in my cart yesterday added up to $50.91.

I mean, that's pretty much geniusly accurate.

It was a lucky combination of salad stuff, Hot Pockets, cheese, salsa, chips, tiny oranges, and Fig Newtons.

The final touch? Two packs of Orbit gum.

Without those two packs I would have landed at $49-something.

I didn't even plan it to be that close, y'all. It was just meant to be.


I figured out why they make you wear your glasses for a few days before eye surgery.

It's so that you get so frustrated by how blind you are without your contacts that no matter what happens after your LASIK, you are just thankful you don't have to wear your glasses anymore.

I've worn my glasses for the past two days, and let me just tell you. I can't see a doggone thing.

Who made all of these spreadsheets so tiny and full of so many numbers????

Why are street signs so small???

Why are headlights and stoplights so blurry?

I can barely even see my TV screen, which is really the biggest problem of them all.

Only two more days of glasses. If it wasn't going to be SO awesome on the other side of this, I'd be freaking out about my ridiculous blindness.

Let me know if I just typed a bunch of garbled nonsense. I can't really see anything.


Saturday, December 01, 2007

Today is the last day I will ever wear contacts.

I am four days away from LASIK Wonderland. And for the next four days, I have to wear my glasses.

I won't ever have to try to get those floppy soft contacts in my eyeballs again.

I won't ever tear another contact again.

I won't ever have to travel with contact solution, glasses, and a contact case again.

I pretty much won't be able to see much for the next four days with my glasses. But after that, my world will suddenly be clearer than it has ever been before.

Except I could probably see pretty clear for those first few months of my life.

But after that, it's been pretty much downhill with that whole blindness thing.

I just hope the LASIK works. Otherwise I'll have to delete this blog post, since my eyesight would be worse and all.