Sunday, December 28, 2008

And what did YOU do over your Christmas break . . .

I accidentally did THIS . . .

Once again, that film degree is paying off . . .


Sunday, December 21, 2008

Can you even fathom 30,000 pairs of shoes?

Well, I can. And I'll tell you why.

If you'll recall, my newest favorite thing is TOMS shoes. For every pair of shoes or item of TOMS apparel that is purchased, they give a pair of shoes to a child who needs shoes.

This month, right now, they are nearing the mark of providing 30,000 shoes for 30,000 children in Ethiopia. And what's even cooler than a big ol' pile of 30,000 shoes is that they've done this in 30 days.

30,000 shoes in 30 days. Almost . . .

If you're looking for last-minute gift idea for a friend or loved one, go buy a pair of TOMS and help reach that goal of 30,000 shoes for kids in Ethiopia.

I have two pairs of TOMS now, and they have quickly become my favorite shoes. If you don't know how big your friends's feets are, get them a gift card. Or a hat. Or a hoodie. Everything is the same as a pair of shoes for a child.

Then, take the money your grandma sends you for Christmas and do some shopping for yourself at TOMS. T-shirt, shoes, tiny shoes for a tiny person that you may know . . .

See how close to 30,000 pairs of shoes? But not close enough . . . yet.



Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Ok, about the guy who threw the shoe . . .

Anyone who saw the story about the guy who threw the shoe at President Bush and who did not immediately think of Austin Powers . . . "I mean, who throws a shoe? Who DOES that!?!?" . . . I don't even want to know you.

Now, I'm failing to understand this whole shoe-throwing thing. I understand this Iraqi guy wanted to disgrace Bush. But . . . I'm pretty sure that's not what he accomplished.

I did, however, learn that throwing a shoe is the best and most culturally accepted way to disgrace someone. Who knew?

I mean, how did he really expect this to play out? For one thing, after throwing two shoes, you are now shoeless . . . which probably makes it harder to run away from cops and Secret Service, I would imagine.

I have no idea, however, from personal experience . . .

I mean, if for no other reason, he would stand out as being the only guy in the room without shoes. I wasn't there, but I'm pretty sure everyone else in the room had not one, but two shoes on.

And I'd be willing to put money on the fact that there would likely also be a foot odor of some sort following him as he tried to make his escape, thusly drawing even more attention to his shoeless getaway.

So, was his plan really to show up at the press event, no less, full of cameras and reporters, throw some shoes, then expect to make a clean getaway, only to read about himself the next day as a Mysterious Shoe-Throwing Superhero who successfully disgraced that American President Bush when no one else could?

Maybe a little more thought should have gone into that plan, seeing as how he's now in jail for tossing his shoes . . . He maybe should have just mailed his shoes to the White House with a nasty note or something. Or perhaps e-mailed a picture of a shoe with a harsh limerick?

Whatever. Next time I need to disgrace anyone, I'm definitely throwing one or both of my size 9.5s. I'm pretty fast in just my socks. I think I could make it.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I'm apparently not mean enough

Today a friend told me that I'm too nice and I should not do nice things for her because it might be weird that I'm so nice.

I can honestly say this is the first time anyone has said this to me. I am thoroughly confounded. I wonder if she's actually met me.

I mean, I guess it's better than, "Hey you're really mean and you should quit doing mean things to me, jerk." So, I guess it's a good problem to have, being too nice.

But, I've never thought of myself as all that nice.

I mean, I like to do nice things for people. But usually when it's convenient for me, like, I'm already going that way or something. Or, if I need one, too, then sure, I'll get one for you, too, but I might charge you for gas.

If I have to get up too early to help you, I'll more likely fake a seizure and leave you high and dry. If you need me to do something I don't normally do, I'll probably weasel out of it because I'm "sick."

If I have to drive too far to help you, or if I don't already have what you need, chances are I won't answer the phone when you call.

If it's an emergency and I'm busy napping or watching T.V. but you really need my help, unless I can DVR whatever I'm watching or nap while I'm helping you, you're probably out of luck. And if you wake me from a nap, well, you don't want to deal with that angry mess anyway. It's nicer of me to stay here and leave you somewhere on the side of the road.

I have no shame in making fun of whatever you're wearing or making snarky comments behind your back if your hair looks weird. I've been known to not open doors for old people or people in wheelchairs . . . without even thinking twice. I will not hesitate to cut you off in traffic or tailgate you until you get out of my way.

If I'm really annoyed by you, I won't even make eye contact. If that results in me running into you and knocking you down because I refuse to look at you, it's not my fault. You got in my way.

So, basically telling me to not be so nice is the same as asking me to punch you in the face for no good reason at all. Everyday. When you're not expecting it.

But since you insist, so be it.

Get out of my way.


Sunday, December 07, 2008

I do everything to the best of my abilities.

This includes getting sick.

This weekend's illness event was a fun combination of laryngitis, what I think was a cold, plus an eye infection that started in one eye and then moved to the other one. I like to think it was what it was like to be Helen Keller, except I could still hear. Mostly.

Not only was it fun, but I looked good, too.

I give 100% to everything I do. Even germs.