Energy Bar Experiment
Since I'm cycling and working out so much lately, training for my century ride, I have to concentrate quite a bit on nutrition. I'm hungry literally all the time. I consume more food than I am capable of holding. Truthfully, I don't know where it all goes. I just know I eat alot, and often. And it's expensive. I can't afford to feed myself. Too bad my tummy doesn't know that.

Currently, I'm on a quest to find a decent energy bar type thing. I hate these things. But, they really do help with energy and nutrients before and after I ride, and they make a better snack before workouts than say, M&Ms. The problem is, I just don't understand why they have to be so gross.

For one, they don't taste good. All the different flavors don't help. The flavors are just poor attempts at imitating real flavors that make you wish you were eating the real thing, rather than a carrot cake 'flavored' bar. The first few bites are okay, sometimes. But I find it difficult to make it through an entire energy bar in one sitting.

Which brings me to the texture issues. Could they be any more disgusting in texture? If they tried to make the original PowerBars more wrong in texture, I don't think they could. In college, I was in the marching band. Say what you will about that, but I was in it purely for the free travel to football games, and to get out of the lame P.E. requirements, for which I'd have to take Beginning Tennis, or Bowling, or Hopscotch. You know, something stupid. Marching Band was a strategic move. And not entirely stupid.

Anyway, after our halftime performances of wandering all over the football field in 100 degree weather wearing wool uniforms, they decided PowerBars would be just the thing to restore our energy levels for the rest of the football game. That's when I discovered that a warm PowerBar, when taken out of the wrapper and rolled into a ball, bounces. Yep, they bounce, and will eventually stick to almost any given surface, such as a tuba, or someone's marching hat, or a drum. Or cheerleaders. Needless to say, the PowerBars stopped after awhile. Apparently college students aren't mature enough to handle PowerBars when bored and delirious from sunstroke.

By the way, I wouldn't recommend throwing a PowerBar Ball at someone you like or intend to keep as a friend. They hurt.

Anyway, knowing PowerBars are made of a substance resembling rubber and can be used as a toy or weapon, it's difficult to get past the texture issue to enjoy a PowerBar. They always seem to get stuck about halfway down my food pipe, lodging somewhere in my chest. No amount of water seems to dissolve it. PowerBars are just a weird idea for food.

Now there are many varieties of PowerBars: Harvest, ProteinPlus, etc. They each have a different consistency and a slightly different purpose. I've also discovered Clif Bars, which so far are winning my energy bar experiment. They have a slightly better taste, and better consistency, although still a little mushy, yet rubbery. I'm currently trying every variety and flavor of energy bar which seems reasonable to try. It's a confusing, difficult, but necessary process.

As my search continues, I still have to wonder why energy bars have to be so gross. Why must they torture me so? I never did anything to them. Well, after the throwing. And they started it by being gross first.

Maybe one day I'll build a statue in honor of whatever energy bar wins my affection. It will be a sculpture made entirely of the energy bar which loses the competition.

C.T.