Monday, May 18, 2009

It's okay.....

I keep my bedroom behind a massive steel door secured by an elaborate lock with a narrow connecting hallway lined with shelves filled with communications equipment, too.

It's not a bunker. It's just a precaution . . .


Saturday, May 16, 2009

My new Arch-Nemesis: City Code Enforcer Inspector

Some of you may know of my latest rivalry with the City Code Enforcer Inspector. He is my new Arch-Nemesis . . . except that I'm convinced he thinks I'm hot and he's using his authority to woo me.

I've lived in my house for almost six years. The one issue I have with the city involves the weeds and grass behind my fence in the alley. Technically, my property line ends at the fence. Yet, when the weeds behind the fence get too tall, residents get a letter from the city because we are supposed to keep the weeds and grass under control behind the fence.

So . . . in protest, I prefer to wait until I get a letter before I do anything about the weeds back there. I say that if I'm supposed to keep up with that, let me build my fence to the alley concrete so I can make it part of my yard. Otherwise, I don't think it should be my problem.

I got my first letter this year, a few months ago, and I promptly took care of the weeds like I always do. It's always funny to me because a few tall weeds behind my nice wooden fence are by far not the worst atrocity back there compared to some of my neighbors. But, I will cooperate and de-weed.

Then, it rained for a million days and I got busy. I neglected the weeds. And I got another letter a month or so later. So, I promptly took care of the weeds. Again.

A week later I get a note on my door that I have a certified letter waiting for me at the Post Office. I assume it's something important, so I spend a lunch hour one day getting the letter.

IT'S THE SAME LETTER I RECEIVED THE WEEK BEFORE . . . only now in certified form. Now, I've already fixed the problem. And I just wasted my lunch hour waiting in line at the Post Office to receive the same exact letter.

I was ticked. Fortunately, Mr. Code Inspector's e-mail address is on the letter. And oh yes, he was going to get an e-mail about this matter.

I e-mailed him that day. A very nice e-mail, I might add. I explained my frustration over receiving a duplicate letter that wasted my time.

I take pride and great care in keeping my house nice and well-kept, inside and out. These types of letters frustrate me because they are nit-picking over tiny things . . . when all up and down my street there are much bigger issues than whether or not my weeds in the alley are too tall.

He promptly e-mailed me back, very nicely, I might add. In fact, we had an e-mail conversation back and forth for the rest of the day. He explained that when someone earns two letters in six months, they automatically get the certified mail letters in addition to the other letter. Ok, that makes sense. But I didn't like that I was now in this "certified letter" category.


Then, I decided I would ask him the burning question I have about the issue with the fence line. I asked him why, if my property ends at the fence, do I have to monitor the weeds behind the fence?

And he says this: "I don't have a good answer for that except that residents are just supposed to do it."

Shouldn't a City Inspector know why he's enforcing the codes he is enforcing? Why is this even a code if they don't know why? If you ask me, the City just doesn't want to pay to keep up the alleys even though it's technically city property.

So then, I TOTALLY blew his mind. I THANKED HIM for the good work he does and the rest of the inspectors do, keeping the city nice and safe. In all honesty, I do appreciate the City's efforts to keep neighborhoods nice and encourage residents to take care of their properties.

Also, at this point I had looked him up on the City web site . . . and he's kind of a hottie.

He said that no one ever thanks them, and usually he just gets yelled at a lot. So he really appreciated that.

It's amazing what a simple thank-you can do, y'all.

HOWEVER, yesterday I got another letter. No, not about weeds. I'm keeping up with that because I've made a new friend . . . even though he doesn't know it. I will make his job easier, at least in regards to my house

No, this letter from yesterday called me out for a shingle that is missing . . . from the SHED in my BACKYARD . . . on the side that FACES THE ALLEY.

This shingle in question fell off of the shed probably two or three years ago after a big rainstorm. I kept it. It's in the shed, I just haven't done anything about it because, well, I don't care. The shed is a very nice shed and looks great. There's just one shingle missing on the back side.

WHAT?!?!? Now it's suddenly a code violation?!?!?! After all this time?!?!?!

Ok, I'm on to you City Inspector Hottie . . . you are trying to ask me out . . . If you ask me, he spends way too much time checking out my house. And the only logical thing I can think of is . . . that he's in love with me.

I'll fix the shingle. If I can figure out how to get a ladder back there in between the fence and the shed . . . then we'll see what else you come up with to attempt to woo me . . .

Game ON.


Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Emergency post from un-intended blogging retirement....

It is necessary for me to write, immediately, RIGHT NOW..... and ask Paula Abdul never to attempt to perform/non-sing/sort-of-dance again.

On any stage.



I beg of you.



P.S. I'm serious. Don't.