Thursday, May 31, 2007

Speaking of the good days....

In a follow-up to my post below, what you are about to see is a product of being willing to do the ridiculous for a bit of attention, and what happens when my coworkers and I have access to the office camera.

I will let you know now that since it's debut yesterday, this video is in high-demand and receiving critical acclaim and rave reviews from literally most of my coworkers. I am letting you view it here, and now, for free.

The footage below was concocted by a coworker of mine, and it was used as part of our company training program this week. I was hand chosen (without even having to audition...) from literally TENS of people to star in what you are about to witness.

The premise is that of an office training video, from the 90s, taking place in a small office in Seattle. We used it as what NOT to do.

Think "Office Space". Think low-budget. Think... spoof.

You'll notice that I play the part of Shawna, demonstrator of Client Services "excellence".

The sound is poor, the video quality even poorer.

It. Is. Genius.

Enjoy.... and I will be available later for autographs.


P.S. This video may only be funny to the 30 people in my office.

P.P.S. The director's notes make it even more hilarious and will make you want to watch it over and over again. For instance, the post-it note on the palm tree says "Water Tree". Hilarious!

My Face

On a normal day, my face is generally fairly expressionless. I'm just not overly face-emotive from moment to everyday-moment.

I smile. I don't smile. That's pretty much the extent of everything that goes on with my face.....

Except when I'm unhappy. Then my face shows EVERYTHING I am feeling. I can't hide it. I can't help it. I try to make sure I'm not wearing my feelings on my face, but most of the time when I am anything but happy, it's written all over my face.

Today was a frustrating day at work. And I can only hope I didn't look like this towards the end of the day:

Because that's certainly how I felt.

And especially at work, it's important to hold your tongue, watch what you say, and how you say it. Never more so than when you feel like this:

Now, I enjoy my job and I'm happy with where I work. Most days are not frustrating, so most days I look normal.

But even jobs that are good and not crappy have days that are crappy and frustrating.

I can only hope that I am able to avoid doing anything stupid when it's frustrating, like going around looking like this all day:

I did have good hair today, so at least I had that going for me.


Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Why I Love IKEA Today

Last night, I was given an IKEA quest to find a rare IKEA fabric. I was so excited about it that I went on my quest today after work.

Unfortunately, they were out of this rare fabric.

BUT, I found LOTS of fun things for myself, so it was still a worthwhile trip for me. And I plan to go back every week at least once a week so that I will one day aquire the elusive fabric. I will not rest....

The most genius thing I bought at IKEA today was this chair:

For one, it's a great chair. I've been casually keeping an eye out for a new desk chair for my office for a long time. Not in a hurry for a new chair, and not wanting to spend much money on the chair, but still having several requirements of the chair.

First, it must roll. Check.
Second, it must be cushy. Check.
Third, it must have armrests. Check.
Fourth, it must be cute and less big than my current chair...... Check.

So, this chair that I bought today met all of those requirements. But that's not the most genius part....

I found it in the As-Is department.

I always wander through the As-Is department at IKEA. I never buy anything there because most stuff there is stuff I don't need, or it's totally trashed. But today, I found a gem.

I found no scratches, no tears in the pleather seat, no dents. The chair rolled. I sat in it and it swiveled beautifully, I found two tiny scratches on the armrest, but only because I was looking for them because I knew SOMETHING had to be wrong with this chair.

But I also noticed that the date on it was today. Which meant this particular As-Is chair was added to the As-Is department THIS VERY DAY! It's a fresh one!

The final criteria is that it's cheap. This chair was half off. Um..... it's pretty much the perfect chair.

Now, it's always risky buying As-Is because you can't return it if it doesn't work out, or if you get it home and discover a giant hole in the back of it that was covered up by the price sticker.

But unless this chair falls apart tomorrow, it seems pretty much genius.

God bless IKEA.


Monday, May 28, 2007

Memorial Day on the Bayou

Went to visit my Mamaw and get in touch with my roots, y'all. Took my parents with me, y'all.

Played nine holes of golf with dad. Since our scores after nine holes were enough to cover all 18 holes, we called it a day.

Then we drove all over Louisiana and much of Mississippi to find enough flowers to plant in my Mamaw's flowerbeds. Seems I garden even when I'm away from home. Fortunately, I had my mom and my uncle as helpers. My dad "supervised". We were done in no time, and Mamaw loved it.

Here's the aftermath:

Wait, don't forget this one.

In honor of Memorial Day, we visited where both of my grandpa's are buried. They both served our country.

My dad's dad is in the Natchez National Cemetary. With all that's going on in Iraq now, it's pretty amazing to visit this place on Memorial Day. The cemetary puts out flags for each grave.

This is just one small section. It's hard to capture all of it on film. There are graves that date back to the Civil War. One of my favorite things about visitng my Mamaw is the history of where my family grew up.

Oh, and the riverboat gambling...

During our historic tour of where my Papaw is buried, we found all to be well.

Jesus watches over him.

As well as this duck (yes, that is the Aflac duck).

And this peacock (yes, there's a peacock in the cemetary).

Other than that, we ate too much food (all of which was from the Fried food group or the Bar-B-Cue food group.... and SO GOOD).

It was a bayou-riffic weekend.

Especially because of the riverboat gambling.

Ok, we didn't really gamble. As you can see from the photo below, my Mamaw is banned from the casinos due to getting in to too many bar brawls at the slots.

You should see the OTHER old lady....

Ok, not really.


Thursday, May 24, 2007


Not me, not for reals. But that got your attention, didn't?

I left the house this morning and about five minutes after I left, I realized my wallet was still at home. I put it in a different bag last night and I forgot to get it out and put it back in my purse this morning.

I have NEVER left my wallet at home.

I felt kinda weird. I felt a bit..... naked. My wallet goes everywhere with me, even though I never pay any attention to it until I need my credit card. Or change for my daily Coke.

My first bit of panic was to wonder if I had enough change in my desk drawer to buy my daily Coke this afternoon. Yes, THIS is where my priorities are....

Then I remembered that I had clients for lunch today, and the company would be paying for many Cokes for me during that lunch.

Phew! Dodged a bullet on that one....

Then I started panicking about other emergencies:

- What if I got a flat tire on the way to work? Or worse, TWO flat tires. How would I pay for a tow truck? How would I get home? Would I survive???

- What if the cops pulled me over for speeding? It's not like I don't speed all the time. Would THIS be the day that I get pulled over? Would they haul me off to jail for not having my license? No worries about being jailed for bribery. I had no money with me... (I seriously started trying to recall my driver's license number in case I DID get pulled over. I could start the waterworks, tell the cop that I have NEVER left the house without my wallet and that I am as upset with me about it as he is, and I also NEVER speed, but here's my license number that I have memorized to be in full compliance with your authority.)

(NOTE: I've had my license for 15 years and I have YET to memorize the number.)

- What if we get to lunch with the clients and everyone ELSE has also forgotten their wallet today, and all eyes fall on me to save the day, but I DON'T HAVE MY WALLET, EITHER???? I might get fired...

- Was I supposed to run any errands today? Or make any purchases today that are larger than the 13 cents that I know is in my desk drawer from leftover random pennies?

- What if I suddenly lost my memory, wandered out of my office and up the tollway to get lost somewhere in Oklahoma, with NO I.D.? Would anyone ever find me? Would I be found by some seedy stranger and sold into slavery, never to be heard from again?

Fortunately, I did not need my wallet today. I did not get two flat tires. I did not get pulled over for speeding. I did not have to pay for lunch. I did not lose my memory and wander off into the wilderness of Oklahoma. I did not get sold into slavery.

Plus, I found my wallet right where I left it in my house when I got home tonight, and I promptly put it back in my purse so that I don't have to freak out on the way to work again tomorrow.

Or risk getting sold into slavery again tomorrow.


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

This is it

I've been up, down, and all around looking for the perfect deodorant. I think the search may be over.

Now, understand that I don't profusely sweat during all hours of the day, like, sitting at my cube raining buckets from my pits. I'm just really picky and I want a good product because it's important to me that I am not disgusting or stinky. And let's face it, after awhile deodorants just don't work so good anymore.

Your armpits desire more.

Now, many deodorants have fallen short of my needs simply due to scent. Seriously, who comes up with these scents? And why does every brand of deodorant have a terrible take on Baby Powder?

Seriously, what grown adult wants to smell baby powder every time you make a move that causes a whiff to stir from your pit? Baby powder is good for babies, but not for people. I have no kids. I don't want to smell like I have them.

And now they've got, like, fruit scents. Really? Do you want to stretch, breathe in, and get the sudden urge to go eat watermelon or something?

And is it just me, or are deodorant scents LOUDER these days? Like, oppressively overbearing. I don't particularly want to smell my deodorant over every other scent that I am wearing. I don't imagine other people want to smell my deodorant, either. Let's tone it down, deodorant makers.

So, you get the idea. The first thing I notice about a deodorant is the scent. If the deodorant makes it past the scent test, then of course I test it out for effectiveness and durability.

I've gotten to the point where I have very little tolerance for any wayward pit perspiration. So, I decided to go hardcore and try the new Secret Cllinical Strength.

And after just a few days, it's pretty genius.

1. It works
2. It doesn't smell too weird
3. It goes on mostly clear (little to no white residue)
4. And... you put it on at night, y'all! No more worrying about if I ran out of the house to work in the morning and forgot my deodorant. You put it on at night, and even if you shower the next morning, you're still good (says the box, and after one test run of this, so far so good). This shaves a good 12 seconds off my morning routine. And folks, every second counts in the morning.
5. Since it goes on at night, no worries about it getting on your clothes in the morning! Genius!

1. It costs, like, 8 bucks, y'all. Kinda steep for pit stuff.
2. With only two scents currently available, the options aren't great. 1) BABY POWDER... WHY???, and 2) Fresh. Fresh ain't so bad, but it's not great. And I kinda think "Fresh" smells like watermelon.
3. It comes in a box that would indicate it's a rather large stick (which would be good for $8), but then you open the box and you get this half-size container that makes it smaller than a normal deodorant. It's WAY more box than actual deodorant. Hopefully that is not an indication that it will run out quicker than a regular deodorant. This could get expensive real quick.
4. If you forget to put it on at night, you're in big trouble the next day.

I'll let you know if it makes my armpits, like, fall off or if my pit sweat increases exponentionally and turns blue or something.

I suddenly have the urge to eat watermelon.


Monday, May 21, 2007

Today's Arch-Nemesis Watch

The back of the Tahoe is actually over the back line of the parking space, which has the VW nowhere close to being in a parking spot. It is totally over the red line.

I'm working on a collage of VW photos, starring this particular VW.


Sunday, May 20, 2007

I don't understand this

This is the box that goes with the fudge bars I bought today.

They obviously made an intentional effort to portray the guy on the box as a Coach, complete with random headset.

So... really? Coaches are the target audience for Bluebell Fudge Bars?

Or are they saying that you can only eat the Fudge Bars if you are a coach?

Should I only eat Bluebell products that come in a box with a picture of someone that I resemble? What if I don't like what's in that box?

I'm still going to eat fudge bars. And when I finish this box, I will probably buy another box.

I am not a coach, I do not want to be a coach, and I do not look like that guy.


Saturday, May 19, 2007

I support Charity.... sort of....

So what does it say about me that today I bought one of those Red help save Africa shirts from the GAP....

.....but it doesn't say Red anywhere on it, nor does it have any outward markings of being a Red shirt or supporting the cause.....

....................and it was on the clearance rack.... marked down TWICE....

..... and that's the only reason I bought it.

I just liked the shirt. And I liked that it was $14.

But sure, let's get rid of AIDS in Africa. I'm all for that.

Go Bono.


My new favorite way to bike

Let's zoom in on the important part....

Note that the second water bottle holder becomes a remote control holder.

And yes, that is Scrubs on the T.V.



Another Tyrant Product Endorsement

I've become a bit of a coffee snob.

On weekends, it is my favorite part of the day to enjoy my morning coffee in my chair by the window in the living room.

Cafe Britt

When I was in Costa Rica a few years ago, I discovered truly good coffee. I bought a ton of it in a variety of brands and brought it home with me.

Cafe Britt is my favorite. I'm enjoying a cup of the Organic blend right now.


Obviously I can't go to Costa Rica every time I need more coffee, and I have long since finished off the bags of coffee I brought home with me from my trip a few years ago.

Fortunately, I can order it online.


I will never drink bad coffee again.


Thursday, May 17, 2007

My Arch-Nemesis

I've told this story before, but today I have visual aids.

At my work, we have lots and lots of parking places. We have a parking lot. We have a garage. And we have coveted spaces up next to the building.

There are four of these coveted spaces, two on one side of the door and two on the other side. This means that two cars can park on either side of the door. Four cars total. They are parallel parking spaces, with a bit of extra room.

Whenever I see that ONE space is available against the building, I take it. I love this spot. I hardly have to walk at all to get in the building.

However, if I see there is just a little bit of room on one end or the other, or that TWO cars are already parked there where there are only TWO spaces, I park in another space. Like a normal person.

But, there's this VW bug that (every single day.... I kid you not) WEDGES in to the smallest crack of space, especially if there are already two cars in the spots. He'll cram in on either end, or he'll somehow maneuver in between two cars where there isn't at all enough room for another car (even a VW bug) to be. Some days, I don't know how those cars get OUT of the spots after VW has wedged himself in.

After I'd noticed this terrible parking job for awhile (and noticed this certain VW ridiculously close to my precious Jeep far too many times) I began to stake out the car to keep an eye out for who this person was.

And it was a DUDE.

Dudes, let me tell you this. I don't care how hot or rich you are, you will NEVER impress the ladies by driving a girly VW and wedging into ridiculous non-parking spaces just so you don't have to walk far, or for whatever your twisted reasons are.

Anyway, I eventually decided this guy was my Arch-Nemesis. It drives me NUTS (ok, not really but it IS annoying and it gives me something to obssess about at work) that he does this, when none of all of the total available parking spaces are far from the door anyway.

Seriously, I've seen him circling the building, waiting for a wedge of space. Why can't he just go get in a real spot? I think that even if he was the only car parking in one of the coveted spots, he'd still just wedge-in as though there still wasn't enough space for him.

So, last week on the way back from lunch with some coworkers, I saw him doing a lap around the building. And (I kid you not) I pointed and yelled out, "THERE HE IS!" Then I went on to share my story with those of my coworkers who haden't heard it.

Then, we walk into the building and as we walk onto the elevator... HE WALKS IN THE FRONT DOOR OF THE BUILDING. He narrowly missed getting into the elevator with us, and we giggled all the way up to our floor.

So, now that my coworkers are well aware of my Arch-Nemesis, they notice him doing his ridiculous wedge-park, especially when the wedge-park happens next to my Jeep. I've got a network going with the latest up-to-the-minute VW parking reports.

This morning I grabbed one of the coveted spots and I made sure to park taking up as much space as I possibly could between the curb behind me and the van in front of me. I do this every time I get one of these spots in an effort to thwart The Wedger.

(that might be his new name... I've been trying to think of one all day)

At lunch, I came out of the building to find this:

Note how his front right tire is actually ON the illegal fire line. And, you can't see it, but the Jeep's spare tire is on the back of the Jeep. So VW is literally about an inch from the back of the Jeep.

After I ran some lunch errands, I was able to get another of the coveted spaces, this time on the other side of the front door. As I parked I noticed The Wedger was nowhere to be found, so again I took up as my space as possible between the curb behind me and the car in front of me.

All afternoon I wondered if The Wedger would strike TWICE in one day. I work on the fourth floor, but I kept wandering over to the windows on the other side of the building to crane my neck, looking down towards my Jeep.

At about 5:00 I saw this:

(yes, I did grab my cameraphone, go down the elevator and outside just to take this photo)

Note that cars are closer together than they appear in the photo. The other car is right behind The Wedger's VW, where it was when I parked after lunch. I mean, RIGHT behind it. I have no idea how VW got in that spot unless he physically picked up his stupid little bug and PLACED it there.

He was still there when I left to go home this evening.

This is my Arch-Nemesis.

At least it's something to entertain me at work.


Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Tyrant Product Endorsements

From time to time, the Tyrant uses products. These are some of them.

1. Garnier Nutritioniste - Nutri-Pure Microbead cream scrub

My mom got this for me, and it is genius. Use a couple of times a week and your skin will also be genius. Plus, it costs like, $7.


2. Loreal Sublime Glow daily mosturizer

My mom also got this for me, and it is genius. It's a lotion with a self-tanner included. At first, I didn't notice any difference in the color of my skin. Still pasty white. But after a few days (like the bottle says) it starts to show. And it's not streaky. It does have a bit of the "self-tanner smell". But they all do. Whaddaya gonna do?

Be pale.

I've used it everyday for the past week and honestly, I might have to give it a rest for a day or two because my legs are getting noticeably darker while the rest of me isn't. I've only been brave enough to use it on my legs.

3. Calloways

Not technically a product, although their products are genius. This local nursery has changed my life. It has turned my yard's frown upside down (thanks also to Jesus and all the rain lately). I can spend hours upon hours there, as well as lots of money. And thanks to Calloway's, I can once again spend hours upon hours of time enjoying my yard.

Go there. It's genius.

These are some products I endorse. There are more, but my dinner is ready.

Given time, I am sure the companies that produce these products will hire me as their spokesmodel, and then I will get this stuff for free.

I like free.


Monday, May 14, 2007


I listen to my ipod in the car almost everyday, to and from work and just about anywhere I go. I have an iTrip that plays the ipod through my radio on 89.7, an unused frequency perfect for transmitting my very own tunes.

Sometimes the iTrip comes off of the ipod while I'm driving around and I'm hit with a lot of static and the very faint sounds of a spanish-language station. I mess with it and make sure everything is connected again, and all is well. One day I could pick out the classic hymn "Trust and Obey" being sung by a children's choir in spanish.

It was pretty awesome.

One day last week I was driving home from work, happily listening to my ipod in the car, when I came upon one of those annoying advertising trucks that I hate. You know the trucks. They drive around the city with rotating billboards and the sole purpose of advertising something.

They are a danger to society.

As I got closer to this particular ad truck, I noticed that all of a sudden I was listening to a radio ad for The Simpsons and the local CW station. I picked up my ipod, assuming the iTrip had fallen off again, and that I was listening to an ad on what I thought was the High Static and Spanish Childrens Station.

Nope, everything seemed okay. Oddly, though, I noticed that the ad truck was advertising shows on the local CW station.

"What an oddly annoying coincidence," I thought, as I passed the truck. As I went by the truck and got further away from it, my ipod music came back in and all was well.

And then I saw ANOTHER CW ad truck in front of me, getting closer. And suddenly, I noticed that as I was getting closer to the CW truck in front of me, The Simpsons ad was playing again on my radio, drowning out my ipod tunes.

What is UP??!?!?

I was trapped between two CW ad trucks, and I couldn't make The Simpsons go away. The radio ad finished, and then it started over again.....

Then I was close enough to the truck in front of me to notice what was going on. It said on the truck (in not very big lettering, I might add):

"Turn to 87.9 on your FM radio to hear more about CW television!"

It had the exclamation point, as though this was a GOOD thing to do.

However, it neglected to mention that if you are harmlessly minding your own business in your car on the way home from work, listening to your ipod through your radio and you are ALREADY tuned to 89.7, that you will be FORCED to listen to their ad, OVER AND OVER, for as long as our two CW ad trucks have you trapped in between them.

So, now in addition to driving slowly around town, right in front of you, advertising 7th Heaven and The Simpsons practically in your face, these ridiculous trucks have also taken over the airwaves with their One Tree Hill television propaganda.

It's too powerful even for my ipod to overcome while I am within 50 feet of two of their trucks.

There has to be something we can do about this. It was one of the most horrible 2 minutes of my life.


Sunday, May 13, 2007

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Is it wrong?

Is it wrong to play tennis, then follow with a Whataburger chaser?

I say.... no.


Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Oh, Barry Gibb

Know that I have always loved your jive talkin', stayin' alive, should be dancin' self.


Sadly, your glory days have passed. I'm only sorry we had to see it on American Idol tonight.

And Blake, the tuxedo shirt went out long before you were even born.

Beatbox THAT.


Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I might have to break up with M&Ms

And in case you don't know, I do loves me some M&Ms. I'm a longtime fan.

But then I saw this today:

Imagine making those treasured moments you share as a couple even more memorable, personal and unique without saying a word!

MY M&M'S® personalized candies is looking for one special couple who will make an emotional connection with each other by only communicating with words, phrases and symbols on Custom Printed MY M&M'S® Brand Chocolate Candies. After one month of sweet silence the winning couple will be rewarded $1,000 for each day, with a possible total of $31,000 for communicating using only MY M&M'S®.

Um... excuse me M&Ms? What do you have against NON couples? Don't you think non-couple people could use $31,000? Like, to go buy a husband or something...

M&Ms have been my significant other on more than one occassion throughout my life. They've gotten me through a lot of rough times. And now they're all like, "Hey, single people are lame and aren't worthy of our competition, or our candy." It's like telling non-couples to go find another candy to lean on and to love.

But I'm sorry, Snickers could never do for me what a party-size bag of M&Ms can do after a bad day.

Really, it's because they know we single folks could win easily. We don't HAVE to talk to anyone, at all, ever... if we don't want to. We could get by with like, 3 differently phrased M&Ms, and be just fine. They'd be writing $31,000 checks to every non-coupled person in the country.

How awesome would it be to only communicate for a month using M&Ms? I would have the best meetings at work, and I wouldn't have to answer the phone for 31 days.

That's $31,000 worth of awesomeness.


Monday, May 07, 2007

A hodge podge

1. Spring organization and whatnot
I've been on a house projects high lately. Last weekend, I painted my hallway. If you've been to my house, you know there is an abundance of wood paneling. I've been on a quest to minimize the abrasive wood paneling look and feel throughout the house, and I've been quite successful thus far. It's right homey and comfortable in here, if I do say-so myself.

The paneling is concentrated in the living room and the hall. The living room is really nice wood moulding, if you will. It is too much to paint, and quite frankly, if ever there was nice, tasteful wood paneling, this is it. It's not really "paneling", it's just that the walls are made of wood, kinda. Instead of painting the walls, I've simply and strategically covered the walls in artwork to bring the focus to things in the room other than the all-consuming wood paneling. I'm quite happy with the room now, but it has been a project for several years, gradual and meticulous. I don't walk in and feel like the room puked wood two seconds before I walked in anymore.

The hallway is half wallpaper, half wood paneling, with the wood paneling running along the bottom half of the wall on both sides of the hall. This was just asking to be painted. But it's taken months for me to decide on a paint color. I have tan carpet, and brown wood doors and door frames, with a neutral wallpaper lining the hallway. Tough to match with a fabulous color.

I chose a dark tan, with white edging. I liked it, but it was still a long, brown hall. So... I turned it into an art project. I chose a few strategic panels and painted them black. Just a few. Now it has some depth and character. It's good.

Of course, in the course of painting the hallway, I think I got more paint on myself than on the walls. I do this every time I paint. Fortunately I'm smart enough to put plastic all over the floor so that the paint only gets on me and not the carpet.

But (and this is not a lie) I found paint on me SUNDAY. A WEEK after I finished painting. And I swear I've taken like, 10 showers since last Sunday.

It's like I pour paint on the floor and roll around in it before I'm ready to get any paint on the walls. But I don't remember rolling around in the paint. It just secretly gets all over me after, like, 10 seconds of opening the can of paint.

2. This weekend I caught the organization bug. I spent some quality time in the Container Store, then I came home and attacked the garage and my home office. I find all of this extremely therapeutic.

During the cleaning of the garage, I dug out my tennis racket (from highschool), and my basketball (from junior highschool). These are the two sport in which I excelled.

In junior high I started on two basketball teams: the school team and the city league team. I was pretty much awesome. Then we moved to Texas where basketball in my area is not entirely unlike gang warfare and/or a gladiator type killing environment (both against rival teams and amongst teammates on the same team), so I opted not to pursue trying out for a new team in a new city and a new school. Too hardcore for the new girl to have a shot at making it on the team or making friends on the team.

I lettered in tennis in highschool the one year I was on the tennis team in 9th grade. Since basketball was not in my future, I joined the tennis team instead, in the new city at the new school. I was good, not great. But good enough to win some matches and earn a letter.

Before joining the team, I had never had anything more than a group tennis lesson when I was like, 7 years old or thereabouts. I watched a lot of tennis during my junior high years. I had posters on my wall of the super-hot, long-haired Andre Agassi, and I thought one day I could make a go of winning Wimbledon or something like that. But, I never took real lessons. I watched players on TV carefully. And I managed to work up a good enough imitation of a real tennis player to tryout and make the tennis team in highschool. I learn quickly when watching people, a talent that has paid off time and time again.

Basically, I was an amazing, untrained player. Untapped talent. Who knows how much of the world I could have conquered with nothing but a tennis racket and a tennis skirt. (I never wore a tennis skirt. I refused and went with shorts).

BUT, after 9th grade, due to time constraints, bad knees and a back injury (from my other career in music, which I'll explain later), I retired from professional highschool tennis and pursued my illustrious career as drum major for my highschool band.

Some days I regret that decision. After all, the guys are much hotter in the world of tennis as opposed to marching band. And when you win stuff in marching band, you don't get one of those giant silver cups to hoist over your head and kiss. That stuff would have been nice.

But I don't blame music for my choice, although I do blame music for my back injury. See, I was also in the jazz band in highschool. I played piano. The piano is a large, heavy instrument. And every afteroon that we had jazz band practice, I had to lug a piano out of a practice room, roll it down the hall, and set it in place in the rehearsal hall. Then after practice, I had to put it back from whence it came. Guys didn't often help me with this because being the strong, independent, leader of the band Drum Major that I was, the assumption seemed to be that I didn't need any help. I should have started making people run laps for NOT helping me with the piano, but I didn't think of it until just now. Only about 12 years too late.

So, with all the pulling and pushing on the giant piano, plus the strain on my shoulder muscles from the tennis and my killer serve, I came up with a back injury that put me out of tennis, and forced me to make guys push the piano around for me during year two of my jazz band career.

I later went to physical therapy for my back. After college. When I had a job that sat me at a computer all day and made the whole injury worse.

Anyway, all of that history is to say that yesterday as I dug out my tennis racket (which aside from needing a new grip, is in excellent shape), and my basketball from junior high (which totally still holds air, thank you very much), I spent the afternoon at a tennis court reliving my glory tennis days. Followed by some time on a basketball court reliving my glory basketball days.

And today, I feel pretty good. My back is not broken. My knees are in good shape. And ladies and gentlemen, should you think of challenging me in a tennis match, I will let you know that I still have it, including a pretty killer serve. I am still awesome.

I will blow you off the court. Either court. My Kareem hook shot is still rock-solid, too, I might add.

2. I also fixed up my bike this weekend, so now it's ready for me to get back on it. See, it's time for the Tyrant's spring exercise program to kick into gear because I've been pretty much immobile for the past 108 months, with the exception of yardwork for the past couple of months. And quite frankly, I look like I've been sitting on the couch eating cheese for 108 months.

No muscle tone, a weird gut that I've never had before (I'm the only one who knows it's there, but it's there), and I'm a lovely shade of pasty white.

I'm not hideous, by any means. But I miss the rockin' cycling body I had a couple of years ago when I was in training. I'm just too lazy to work that hard now. So if I can just get a bit of muscle tone back, lose the random phantom tummy pooch that only I can see, and get just a shade darker than "invalid pale", I'll be happy.

I exercised yesterday, which was Day One.

Today I am resting. I don't want to work TOO hard. All at once. I might break my back again...

3. I bought a new shower curtain for my Blue Loo and it has changed my life. I don't use that bathroom a ton, but I can't stop wandering in there to look at the difference a new shower curtain has made in my Blue Loo. It's amazing what $10 at Target can do for your soul.

4. I bought a new vaccuum cleaner a few months ago and I can't stop vaccuuming. It has one of those clear collecting chambers instead of a bag, so I can see the dirt actually getting sucked up out of the carpet. It's one of my new favorite hobbies. I find one thing on the carpet and I end up vaccuuming the whole house, just because it's fun. It's so fun to watch the cleaner fill up with what's in my carpet. And it makes my carpet look pretty much amazing.

5. I love to start my weekend with a freshly mowed yard. I tend to stare out at my yard a lot, or go out in the yard and stare at it. It's peaceful and calming, and it looks great right now from all the rain. I come home from work on Fridays and mow my yard so that it makes me happy all weekend, trim and neat and green and inviting.

6. Remember how I'm a nerd? Yeah this post pretty much proves it.


Thursday, May 03, 2007

Storm Damage 2007

Like Storm Watch 2007, only the aftermath.

Nothing major. I just wanted to use my new cameraphone and be dramatic.


Tuesday, May 01, 2007

My life flashed before my eyes....

.... and right out of my mouth.

Tonight I had dinner with some clients and my bosses. I spent a good portion of the meal swapping nerd stories with the client Executive Vice President.

He'd share a story of his nerdy childhood, then I would follow with one of my own. We both had my EVP and another supervisor rolling.... Once I get going with stories, I tend to make the most of the moment. I do enjoy an audience.

And then the client conceded that I was the bigger nerd. He had no more stories to top mine.

Should I be proud of that? I hadn't even gone through my entire aresenal of nerdy childhood, adolescent, and (yes) even college experiences. That's the sad thing.

Then it occurred to me that I had just shared many embarrassing moments of my life with my coworkers who then did NOT promise NOT to spread the stories around the office tomorrow.

She's going to hold that over my head any time she needs me to do something I don't want to do... like wash her car.

Why did I have to be such a nerd growing up???

I guess I still am...

And I'll probably win the next round of Who's A Bigger Nerd.