One of my many questions about things I don't understand
From time to time, I cover serious topics. This is one of them.

I have a question that's been on my mind for a few years. After a chat with a co-worker today (a less evil one), I was reminded of my issue with a certain spiritual topic. This co-worker is very, um, charismatic, to put it kindly. Some of her beliefs are too 'out there' for my comfort level. She's also the type of person with whom you should never, ever strike up a conversation. Her conversations have no end.

I must have slipped into a brief coma during lunch, forgetting my rule to never engage her in conversation, because I asked her a personal question. Voluntarily. I think she's still down there talking, even though I've been back in my office for hours.

The topic was God's protection over us. My co-worker rambled on and on about God protecting us, and fulfilling our purpose in life, and a bunch of stuff that got really weird for me. But it got me thinking again. What does it really mean for God to protect us? Can we count on protection equaling safety by earthly terms? And what does it mean when we get hurt, or we lose someone suddenly and tragically? Was God still protecting then? Why do bad things happen under God's protection?

I pray everyday for God to protect my friends and family, to keep them safe. I believe God protects us. I don't think bad things happen because God took a break, or removed His protection. I'm just not sure what it means when something harmful happens even underneath His protection. I'm not sure why that makes sense to God. Was God protecting my sister and her friends the day they were suddenly killed in a car accident? I like to believe He was. Yet, it doesn't make sense to me. It seems like if they were under His protection, they'd still be here.

I really struggle with this issue. I do trust God. I want to believe He protects those I love, everyday. It's just hard to turn them over to Him and trust He has them, no matter what happens.

I don't have the answer here. And truthfully I think it's more a matter of the interpretation of 'protection'. There's the whole 'they're in a better, safer place now' argument. And the 'God knows best' argument. I believe those statements to be true, however 'textbook' they may be. I don't know the whole picture, or why things happen the way they do. But still, in my hurting human perception of things, 'protected' means safe from harm. It's hard to see a sudden death of a loved one, or friends in harm's way, as 'protected'.

And it's hard to accept that my understanding isn't the ultimate understanding.

I think it's through these kinds of questions that fear vs. faith becomes the real issue.

C.T.