My Secret Is. . .
I really didn't want to have to tell my secret. But I saw a blog the other day that has forced me to disclose something that, by nature of the issue, is something I should technically not publicize. I could be in grave danger for mentioning this. The truth is, I'm a ninja.

I stumbled upon a blog the other day that blantantly titled itself something having to do with 'ninja'. It was right there for the world to see! I was shocked. That was no way to keep a secret. Consequently, I had to take a look at the blog because by order of the Ninjas, ordinary non-ninjas should never see anything publicly disclosing information about who, or what, we are.

However, I quickly discovered that this 'ninja' was a fraud. At the most, he is a former ninja, which basically means he never was a ninja. Ninjas who do what this guy has done on his site are quickly ex-communicated from the sacred ninja sect. Not to mention, his information was incorrect. If he ever was a ninja to begin with, his obvious disregard for ninjaness and all that is sacred about ninjahood eliminated him from being a part of the ninja society any longer. We simply do not tolerate such lighthearted and careless handling of who we are. Therefore it is impossible that he could be an active ninja, if he ever was an actual ninja. I know I have never seen him before at any of our secret meetings, or bake sales.

What I saw when I clicked on the 'ninja' blog was a series of pictures. This faux ninja had photographed himself, or perhaps with the help of another faux ninja, in a series of ninja attack poses. Complete with a ninja-like costume. There was no text. Just the pictures.

Not only has he infringed upon the sacred society of Ninjahood, by daring to publicly portray lifestyle behaviors of ninjas, he has completely misrepresented who we are and what we do. He turned us into a joke. And not only that, his attack sequence was completely wrong. He made ninjas look like people who clearly don't know how to fight well. His portrayal of a ninja attack was much more elementary and ridiculous than anything covered on day one of Ninja Fighting 101. I would have no trouble killing him, without flinching nine of my ten fingers.

Ladies and gentleman, I am here to warn you of unofficial ninja websites, or of any information you would be able to find in public about the secret society of ninjas. Since I have developed a soft spot for my readers, I am taking a risk to warn you about false ninjaness. Unfortunately, this imposter has lead you astray, as to what ninjas do, how we behave, and even how we may look. Believe nothing that you might see on his site, or any other site, book, television show, movie, etc. Any information you could stumble across in the world is likely false, since ninjas have no official publications or published works. To abide by our secretive society and invisible lifestyle, ninjas have never turned to the written word, photography, or even crude stick-figure sketches, in order to record our history, rituals, or way of life. It is strictly forbidden. We communicate our traditions and techniques in ways that only ninjas can understand. You will simply never find concrete evidence in any form, that we exist. We have a strongly enforced code of secrecy. In fact, I am risking my sacred status as a ninja by even disclosing this small bit of information to you. But I felt betrayed by this ninja imposter, and in truly honoring my ninja heritage, it is my duty to make the public aware of this fraudulent website, and any other public ninja information lurking about. It is my duty to protect the ninja society, even if it means risking my own ninja status.

By nature of the ninjahood, we do not exist. We meet in secret locations, at undisclosed times, which only a true ninja will sense. We are virtually invisible, even in plain sight. We attack as silent predators, stealthy and quick. We are gone before you know what invisibly hit you. We are dangerous beyond anything you could comprehend. Our weaponry is known only to us. Our attack stances and fight sequences cannot be replicated by ordinary humans. We are not chosen to be who we are. We just are.

I know I can trust you with my secret. Please heed my warning and stay away from all things ninja. I don't want to have to sneakily kill you.

C.T.