The Tyrant's Trip to the O.C.
Last week, I was in the O.C. for five days. The last two days were great. The previous three days to those two great days, not so much.

Following is a brief recap of the highlights and lowlights:

1. Highlight-
I like to fly, and we just happened to get to L.A. by plane. I didn't have to sit next to anyone on the plane. This was good.

Lowlight-
The two old dudes (boss and co-worker) that I traveled with make the airport and flying experience, um, interesting. Especially the co-worker who hadn't been on a plane in 20 years. Getting him through the airport, through security, and onto the plane was, um, interesting. Especially when he asked me if they let people listen to CDs while the plane is in the air.

2. Highlight-
Ed McMahon was on my flight to L.A. He is very tall.

Lowlight-
While Ed McMahon was on my flight, he did not give me any money on behalf of Publisher's Clearinghouse, nor did he ask me to be on Star Search. I was as shocked as you are.

Lowlight, part B-
Since I was traveling with two old dudes, neither of them noticed Ed McMahon. And when I asked them if they saw Ed McMahon and they replied that they hadn't, the experience was much less fun because I was the only one involved in the famous person moment.

3. Highlight-
We were picked up from the airport by a chauffeur in a Lincoln Towncar with dark windows. Being picked up at the airport in such a car causes people to stare at you and wonder if you are famous. I like this.

Lowlight-
Traveling with two old dudes takes away from the mystique of possibly being famous. However, once I decided to secretly pretend they were my entourage, this lowlight became a moderate highlight, in my mind.

4. Highlight-
My hotel room had two double beds. I'm not sure why. But there was some jumping from bed to bed at night, and I also considered one bed my 'hanging out' bed, and the other bed as the 'sleeping' bed.

Lowlight-
Slumber parties alone are just not so much fun.

5. Highlight-
There was lots and lots of food, free for me. Including fried chicken from a restaurant called 'Chicken Restaurant'.

Lowlight-
While the chicken was good, it was probably not worth the 45 minute drive in L.A. traffic, on a bus with conference people, to get it. Also, I had to share most of my meals with 150 people that I didn't know, and didn't really care to talk to. I ran out of things to say after the first hour, and it was downhill after that for the rest of the three days of conference. I was in Small Talk Hell.

6. Highlight-
The hotel had computers for me to use to get to email. Email is very important to me.

Lowlight-
It cost $7.50 for 15 minutes of internet use. Therefore, I was too poor to check email after the first five minutes.

7. Highlight-
It was very sunny and pretty and warm the whole time I was in the O.C. I love beautiful weather. Also, the lack of humidity made me have great hair.

Lowlight-
They kept us trapped inside the hotel for three days, in dimly lit conference rooms, forcing us through seminar after seminar after seminar. I hardly saw the sun at all, but I knew it was out there . . . taunting me. And the only people who saw my good hair were the 150 people I didn't want to be with. Plus, the dim lighting took away from the fabulousness of my humidity-free hair.

8. Highlight-
The conference organizers provided us with evening entertainment.

Lowlight-
One night the entertainment was a singing group from a local college. All I could think about the whole time was to wonder how many of them had auditioned for American Idol in L.A. Another night, it was a Gospel singing group. They screamed songs about Jesus as loudly as possible into microphones. And just when I thought that couldn't get any worse, there was a two-minute tambourine solo. Tambourine for Jesus is something else, I'll tell ya that. Very enthusiastic.

9. Highlight-
On Saturday, my friend rescued me from Small Talk Hell and let me stay with her and her family for the rest of the weekend. Spending time with them is always a highlight.

Lowlight-
The weekend ended and I had to come back to work on Monday.

10. Highlight-
I got to ride in a guy's Porsche.

Lowlight-
I did not get to keep the Porsche.

Thus concludes the Five Days of O.C., the abridged version.

C.T.