American Griper and America's Next Crying Model
I have re-named these shows to properly reflect the true essence of what we are seeing on each show so far this season.

Griping and crying.

And I am sad to report that despite the reinforced efforts of the Blog Alliance, both of our intial targets are still with us. However, as yesterday was a rebuilding day for the Alliance, we are now refocused in our energies and efforts to alleviate the public from our targets, as follows:

American Griper:
Our primary target at this stage of American Idol is none other than Scooter Girl. Mostly because she refers to herself as 'Scooter Girl'. I don't even have any idea what her real name is. Last night, she somehow made it through the second round of auditions, even though the show taunted us by placing her in the last group of contestants waiting to hear if they were going or staying. Not only was I thoroughly annoyed with her song last night, although I was glad she did not write another song about her scooter for the 'original song lyric' competition. But I was more annoyed with her shirt, which wasn't so much a shirt as it was a mis-shapen handkerchief somehow hanging onto her upper torso for dear life. When she leapt out of the chair after Simon announced that her group was staying, I thought we were about to have another boob flash, not unlike the Super Bowl. Her dance afterwards didn't help the shirt, or the situation.

Other highlights from last night's American Idol include more complaining from more contestants than I've ever heard on any previous season of AI. They complain about the songs, about the groups, about not being able to practice literally all night when other contestants pass out from lack of sleep and food. Who knew Jesus was such a complainer? They complain about the judges' complaints. Who knew Kira would turn out to be the Ultimate Rude Complainer Champion?

Also making a regular appearance is The Most Over-Used Sentiment so far in the competition this year. It goes something like this: "This show will suck without me! FOX's ratings are going down now that I'm off the show! They made the biggest mistake of their lives sending me home! They will lose so much money because they don't have me anymore!"

I'm pretty sure I've heard one or all of those phrases at some point in every show this season. And so far, I think the show, and FOX, is doing okay. So it's time that people understand that the success of FOX as a network, and American Idol as a series, likely does not depend on people who cannot sing their way out of my life fast enough.

Tonight we will hope Scooter Girl is scooted on her way back home. As fast as a scooter can carry her and her 'shirt'.

America's Next Crying Model:
This show was a special treat last night, as Catie demonstrated to us that she can burst into tears at any given moment, for no apparent reason. She is our primary target for ANTM, and unfortunately will be with us for at least another week. During the first 'show us your individual style' competition, Catie cried when her outfit was critiqued as 'like something a hooker would wear'. This was an accurate analysis. Short skirt, leg warmers, and high-heels. What did she expect?

Of course, at the end of the show, I noticed Tyra was wearing almost the same exact thing, except with her hair in cornrows. But, there was no crying.

This week, Mercedes also cried a lot. But of course, she has Lupus, which is probably a good reason to cry a lot. Catie, to my knowledge, does not have Lupus. And she therefore needs to quit crying more than the girl with Lupus.

In the end, the girls were made up to look like famous celebrities. An earing was broken. There was crying and arguing. Adrienne, the winner from last season of ANTM, made a brief appearance (as did her boobs, nearly popping out of her ridiculously tight shirt- what is with the sudden onset of so much boobness on TV lately? It's like Janet opened the door for boobs to now be everywhere on television). For the final evaluations, the girls proved they have no idea how to accessorize a simple black dress. And Janice Dickinson was, as usual, way too proud to be the first supermodel ever. She always beams like this is something spectacular every time Tyra introduces her as a judge, every week.

Unfortunately, Catie was allowed to stay for another week. She cried about it. Shorty was asked to leave. She's apparently heading back to Hooters. And another tough day of modeling is over for the remaining eight girls.

Our objective remains the same: Scooter Girl and Catie must go. Now. Immediately. Post haste.

The Alliance has spoken.

C.T.