Can't quite figure out what to say.
I saw The Passion of The Christ last night. And before you quit reading this post for fear of a religious lecture or a spiritual recruiting session, just know that I still haven't quite figured out what to say about the movie. Everyone has heard something about this movie over the past few months, and I'm not going to stir up any big controversial discussion about it. Mostly because after seeing it last night, I just haven't been able to say much of anything. It's been an unintentional vow of silence. I'm just simply without words.

I will say that it's a powerful movie, although on what level or in what ways is hard for me to say right now. It's a beautiful film, well-made, superbly acted. The violence is astounding, even though I wouldn't rate it on a scale comparing it to Saving Private Ryan or something similar. However, there were times when I had to look away because it was personal to me to watch people beating the crap out of Jesus. It's brutal. And bloody. And probably very accurate. Necessary to depict it that way? You decide for yourself after seeing it.

When I first heard about the movie, I was highly skeptical and cynical about it. As usual. About Mel, about the subject matter, about another potential Omega Code or Left Behind movie to further cheese up the Christian faith. I couldn't see how a film made by a Hollywood superstar and spoken completely in Aramaic would possibly be a good thing. It seemed like hype, and only hype, with potential to be very, very bad. I intended to not see the film.

But, in recent weeks we've been overloaded in the media about this movie. So, I decided to indulge, reading and watching what I could to better understand the big deal about the movie. Through this, I developed an excitement about it, and have since been slightly obsessed with it. I was curious to see if it could work, if it could dispel all the doubts and controversy, if it could serve the purpose that Gibson had for it. And I was curious to see if Mel was really delivering what he said he is delivering, with all the humility and passion I've been reading about and watching on TV.

Could the man we've known from Lethal Weapon, Braveheart, and Conspiracy Theory really bring a true representation of Christ to the big screen? This was my question. Is Mel for real. Or he is just the next aging actor looking for another hook to get himself back in the spotlight, trying his hand with the Christian camp for support.

I was also adamantly opposed to seeing the movie on opening day, Ash Wednesday. Where I live, the Christian community is going all out to own this movie. Opening day promised to be a 'religion shoved down your throat' kind of day, anywhere near a showing of this movie. I really, strongly, fervently did not want to fight church groups and Christian artillery at the theater in order to view the movie. It's just a movie. I just want to see a movie without being bombarded with tracts and people trying to 'win me' on my way in or out of the theater. I've already been won. Step off.

But, my excitement got the better of me, and a group of friends and I went to see it last night. I vowed that anyone forcing a tract on me at the theater would get a punch in the face. Fortunately, no violence of this nature took place before or after the movie. No tracts came near me, no one tried to convert me. All punching was reserved on screen for almost the entire time of the actual movie.

I'm not sure what else I can say about it at this point, except to say it's worth a see, no matter your religious background. I'm still forming my thoughts about it. I can tell you it has affected me. Seriously. Although I'm not sure in what ways, yet. I won't say it's changed my life and that it will change yours, too. That's up to me, and up to you. It has made me think a lot about myself, my current state. It has helped me understand more about religious history and the time of Christ. It broke my heart. It disgusted me. It horrified me. It touched me. All that, and it's a story I already knew.

I'm not going to force anything on you, and I'm not going to give anything away about the film itself. I'm also not going to make any jokes about it, or offer any cynicism. And I can tell you that before the movie started, I had lots in mind to write about today, and all of it was of a cynical nature. As usual.

Now, it just doesn't seem appropriate to go about it that way.

Words are failing me. And that's probably the best affect the movie could have had on me.

Sometimes, it's best for me to leave words alone for awhile. Just to shut up and be affected.

C.T.