Beware, The Ice Cream Man
I know the Ice Cream Man is something that kids look forward to with great anticipation every summer. But after seeing many dueling Ice Cream Men lately out in full force, now that the weather is warmer and kids are out playing, I've made a startling observation. Why are ice cream trucks the absolute most scariest vehicles on four wheels? Without exception, they are the creepiest automobiles alive.

I don't go near the ice cream man in an ice cream van as an adult. The Man and the Van, all too scary, if you ask me. So you can bet I'd never send a kid over there, either. Not with all the scary TV shows about children disappearing coincidently as a psycho ice cream man roams a neighborhood, luring children to his van with that horrible song playing over and over. Yes, not only are the trucks and vendors scary on their own, but television has ruined the whole ice cream man experience for me.

If the intent is to be fun and pleasing to kids, shouldn't the vans be cute? Shouldn't they play a less creepy song than that steel drum-sounding, hauntingly awful rendition of 'Pop Goes the Weasel'? Shouldn't ice cream trucks and vans and the vendors be appealing to kids, and not frightening to the parents who let their children purchase frozen treats from them? Why are grown men typically ice cream sellers, anyway? And usually creepy men at that. It just doesn't seem right.

Why can't they drive around in cute, new, brightly colored VW Eurovans, playing Britney Spears, or N*Sync, or something less creepy (albeit still annoying) to send out the Ice Cream Man signal? I'm thinking a cooler, Hip-Hop themed van and vendor would sell much better, and not send fear into the souls of parents everywhere as they let their kids chase after the ice cream van making its round through the neighborhood.

Unless they revamp the whole Ice Cream Man/Truck industry, my future kids will never experience the tradition of the Ice Cream Man. In fact, we may live somewhere really cold all year round, just to be safe.

C.T.