Holiday = Idiots on Wheels
I realize that this is a holiday weekend, and therefore I have three days of bliss away from the place where I am all day: work. What I don't understand is why a holiday automatically turns everyone on the road into Idiots on Wheels. It takes all the fun out of fleeing my office via Jeep, only to make it to the freeway to deal with traffic mishaps and delays caused by said Idiots.

It started yesterday. The worst traffic messes I've seen in several weeks. People driving like they just have no clue there are other people out there with them. I don't know if it's a mad rush to get out of town, or just that people's brains check out early when a three day weekend is on the horizon. But none of that is a good excuse to be an idiot in a car.

I was stuck in non-moving traffic on the freeway yesterday for almost an hour. By the time I got to where the pile up was, it had cleared. So I essentially sat in traffic and never saw the actual cause of delay. Not that I wanted to see it, but still it's nice to know what the hold-up is if I have to suffer because of it. People could have been up there sunbathing, or birdwatching, or just doing donuts across four lanes of traffic, for all I know. What I do know is that I sat very still, not moving forward, in my Jeep for a lot longer than it should take me to get home.

As traffic started moving, I seemed to keep getting stuck behind more idiot drivers who didn't realize traffic was actually moving now. What is with the slow drivers who insist on driving below the speed limit, in the far left lane, leaving 108 car lengths in between their car and the car in front? Do they think they are being safe by allowing so much space? And why is there never room to get around these people?

The left hand lane is essentially the U.S. version of the Autobahn. Sure, the posted speed limit applies to all lanes of traffic. But unless you want to end up with someone's hood up your tailpipe, you should seriously consider getting out of the Autobahn lane, and into a lane where you can drive as slow as you want without endangering the lives of others. Yes, you are the one who is a danger to others on the freeway. Not the speeders. We keep traffic moving, while driving at a responsible speed slightly above the suggested maximum velocity.

Even with all the traffic hangups yesterday, the one thing I saw that pushed me over the edge and fully into anger was the Idiot of All Idiots on Wheels. I was stuck behind an early 90's version white Toyota Corolla (if this is you I am very angry at you), poking along, weaving from side to side in the lane, oblivious to the fact that traffic was speeding up and reaching normal speeds. Cars were getting in front of the Corolla, speeding past me, moving along quite nicely while I was trapped behind Pokey. When I was finally able to get out from behind the car and pass by, I looked in the window to see a middle-aged woman driving the Corolla, cigarette in one hand, holding it out the open window, packet of papers in the other hand inside the car, reading. No, not just looking at a map or glancing at what was on the page. She was READING.

Now, tell me this. If you are smoking with one hand, reading with the other, eyes looking down on the page, how much attention are you paying to your own car and driving, much less the cars and drivers around you? And really, how much are you getting from what you are reading? Unless it is the manual on how to drive the car you are presently driving, whatever you are reading should not be read while driving. This was rush hour traffic, lady!! We'd just passed 108 car accidents, fender benders, stalled cars, delays, pile ups, etc. Does this mean nothing to you?? These problems are caused by idiots in cars. A great way to avoid being the cause of more traffic issues is to not be an idiot in a car. Therefore, quit reading and drive.

Watch out for Idiots on Wheels. Enjoy your three day weekend.

C.T.