Something's missing

I did not bring any work home this weekend for the first weekend in a lot of weekends. I also do not have any plans for this weekend. At all.

I've been waiting for a weekend like this for a long time. When I don't get enough solid, consecutive down time, I'm pretty much a mess and an idiot, and sometimes a jerk. Which is pretty much where I am now.

I require at least a day a couple of times a month that I don't have to get out of my pjs if I don't want to, or shower, or talk to anyone, or leave the house. I'm a month or so behind on that.

But now that it's here, my weekend of nothing with the sole purpose of resting and getting myself back together so that I can function better than I have been lately, I feel like something is missing.

I don't know what to do with myself, and I'm pretty sure I'll be bored in about 5 minutes.

I don't really want to watch any tv. Or a movie. I have some writing I've been itching to get to for over a month, but all I feel about that right now is .... eh. Maybe tomorrow.

My yard is covered with leaves and I HATE that. But I don't think I'll feel like raking tomorrow.

I am starving right this very moment, but since there is no food within arm's reach of where I am on the couch, I'm seriously arguing with myself if I can make it til tomorrow without eating because I just don't feel like taking 10 minutes to make some food.

It's bad that when I don't have work to do . . . I don't know what to do.

More is missing lately. This is the time of year with lots of activities and time to spend with friends and family, and it's hitting me lately that part of that is missing since I'm far removed from my old church and the friends that I had there. I've missed events and people lately that are always on my calendar at this time every year. It's not the easiest time of year for me and it helps having distractions. There are certain times of year when it helps to have people keeping an eye on me.

It's strange to be out of that loop. I was in it for a really, really long time. It's been amazing (not in a good way) to see how quickly I'm out of it.

An empty weekend is a scary thing now that I'm faced with one.

C.T.