Thursday, August 09, 2007

The Worst Dog Walker . . . EVER

So, there's this guy in my neighborhood who walks his dog regularly. I see him a few mornings a week on my way to work.

He's the worst dog walker ever.

He never puts his dog on a leash. But the dog never runs off.

No, this dog is the slowest dog in the world. I don't think it would ever occur to this dog that he could escape. Or . . . maybe he IS escaping, he's just so slow that it takes him . . . years.

And he doesn't walk straight. No, he V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y wanders from one side of the street to the other, in front of the Worst Dog Walker Ever.

The guy just let's the dog do this. He stands in front of cars if a car is coming . . . to allow his dog to safely wander across the street, or down the middle of the street, or wherever he feels like going. There's no plan. There's no route. The dog just wanders, and the guy follows.

And he's not an old guy. He's young. Perhaps my age-ish. (Shut up)

Maybe his dog is a million years old, too old to walk fast, and the guy figures "Hey, my dog is a million years old. The fact that he can still walk is a medical miracle. Therefore, he has earned the right to wander wherever he pleases, slowly poo wherever he wants to poo, and to take as long as he damn well pleases to get nowhere in particular while stopping traffic and annoying the neighbors. After all, he has wandered the earth for a million years. During his last few decades, he deserves to rule the world one slow step at a time."

I just really don't know.

This week, there is a new twist. I pulled around the corner earlier this week and I saw a Honda CRV sitting cockeyed in the middle of the street so that I couldn't get by. At first, I thought maybe something was wrong . . . and I was concerned.

But THEN I was quickly annoyed. The CRV V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y turned and pulled across to the other side, landing (again) cockeyed on the opposite curb. I just had to sit there and wait for him to V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y get out of the way.

As I finally was able to pass him, I saw why he was doing what he was doing. That V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W DOG was wandering down the middle of the street, from side to side, V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y. And the guy in the car was . . . The Worst Dog Walker Ever.

But this time, the guy wasn't walking along behind him. He was DRIVING . . . along . . . behind . . . the dog.

Um . . . WHAT???

It's not like he is corraling the dog, or herding it, perhaps. Or even trying to control the dog's path in the least bit. No . . . this guy was herding ME and trying to control MY path so that the dog could safely, I don't know . . . hog the middle of the road.

Yep. A dog walking down the middle of the street. Guy in a CAR behind him, blocking traffic and watching his dog . . . walk down the middle of the street.

I'm sorry . . . but does this make even the least bit of sense?

First, how does anyone have time to V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y wander down the street watching a dog everyday? I mean, is this his dog? Because that's a terrible way to, well, own a dog.

Or, is this his job? Is he really employed as a dog walker, and does this dog's owner know that he is the WORST DOG WALKER EVER, and that he lets their dog wander down the middle of the street without a leash?

And second, it's just the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

I don't want to have to plan a new route to work just because this dog has taken over most of the direct routes out of my neighborhood.


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