Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I smell strongly of eucalyptus.

Periodically at work, we are rewarded with free chair massages. I guess they figure that since we sit hunched over our computers all day, toiling our posture away, the least they can do is keep us relaxed while our ability to sit ergonomically fades away.

This massage guy goes all out with the weird, "relaxy" music, the funky chair, and of course, the scented oils. Usually by the end of the day, the whole office smells of lavender.

I came out of the room yesterday smelling of lavender like everyone else. Then, I scored another one today. A coworker was out today and she missed her appointed time. So, I made the sacrifice of 20 minutes of my time in my busy day so that the open time slot did not got to waste.

I know. Taking one for the team and all. I do what I can to help.

In theory, this was a great thing. Two free massages in two days = awesome. But today, I guess the guy thought I needed a little something special. He went NUTS with the eucalyptus oil.

Usually it's just the lavender. But today he broke out the Extra Strength Eucalyptus Oil, smearing several layers of it all over my arms.

It didn't really bother me until I came out of the room, but from that point on, I was essentially a eucalytus bomb. Everywhere I went, I stunk up the place.

Sitting at my desk, I started getting a headache from smelling myself.

I eventually started sneezing. I think I became allergic to myself.

I didn't want to move. Every time I reached for a pen or for my golden hole punch, I got a fresh wave of overwhelming eucalyptus.

People could smell me coming before they could hear my footsteps. I won't lie, they ran. Screaming. Just a little.

People refused to sit in a closed room with me. It's hard to have meetings when you're the only one in the room and everyone else is standing outside the door, peering in.

I was shunned. People would just yell things at me from across the room so they wouldn't have to come near me.

They would throw papers at me that I needed to review, some of them tied to large rocks. Those hurt.

I came back from the bathroom and found words scrawled on a yellow post-it note on my desk. It's possible I left the note for myself, but with the eucaplytus-induced haze I was in (it has possibly eaten a hole in my brain), I'm pretty sure it said "You Stink, Stinky!". I can't really be sure.

Someone rudely yelled at me to go home and take a shower.

I guess I can't blame them. I couldn't even escape myself on the way home, closed up in the Jeep. I'm afraid when I get back in the Jeep tomorrow it will still smell of the remnants of Extra Strength Eucalyptus.

I did take a shower immediately after walking in the door. But I'm not sure that helped. My shower gel is citrus and ginger root. I think I just made it all worse by adding the citrus and ginger root on top of the eucalyptus.

I also stood outside for about five minutes, hoping the smell would drift away. A bird fell out of the sky, but I don't think that was related to how I smell. I think it was just tired.

I can only hope it fades by tomorrow. Maybe a few more showers will do it.


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