So Glad I'm Not a Model
I mean, I totally could be a model. But I'm glad I'm not.

I've been suffering from reality TV withdrawal, since the end of American Idol and Survivor. So I've had to check out some of the B List reality shows that crop up in the absence of the high quality A List reality shows. The Blog Alliance seems to be with me on this.

Last night I wasted four precious minutes checking into Last Comic Standing. I wanted to burn my hand off to punish it for letting the remote land on this show. I'm glad I'm not a stand up comic. I hope to never set eyes on this show again. And where on earth did they dig up Buddy Hackett as a judge? He felt the need to stand up when they announced his name, and I seriously didn't think he was going to make it up, or back down again. I hope no one makes him laugh too hard. I don't think he would survive.

So, I ended up watching America's Next Top Model. Ironically, while painting my toenails. Seemed appropriate. I'd caught bits and pieces of the show during the past couple of weeks, so I decided tonight I would give it a good shot. I mean, afterall it is very important to America to have another top model. I really can't risk missing this important process. Thank goodness Tyra Banks created this show!

Basically what we have here is a house full of girls wanting to be models. Make it into a contest, and you have a house full of whiney, complaining, back-stabbing, divas-in-training. They take this thing very seriously. Which is seriously hysterical to watch. I have to admit I was seriously entertained. It's my new favorite reality show of the off-season. Seriously.

The world of modeling is completely foreign to me. I mean, I could care less about make-up, hair, skin-tight clothes, and walking that weird model walk. I'm cute enough. I wear enough make-up and spend enough time on my hair so that I am girlie and attractive enough. My clothes are cute enough. But if it takes more than about 15 minutes to do the whole getting dressed, hair and make-up routine, I've spent too much time on it. And walking? Well, I'm doing well to keep my balance enough without running into furniture and walls and such. I would seriously never make it in one piece down a long runway. But I don't really see the need to walk often down a stretch of runway that leads to nowhere. Why is it important to have a specific walk for that? Beats me.

So how do you make hair, make-up, clothes, and photo shoots into a reality show? Well, I'm not exactly sure. But so far they've had make-up competitions, hair style make-overs, runway challenges, lessons on make-up, hair, walking, and 'acting', and some weird thing about body grease. Plus, we have the annoying personalities and major attitudes of ten different girls. And they've all managed to complain about at least one aspect of it, at some point. They sure do have it rough.

Next week we need to see a food challenge. Like Survivor. Put a greasy cheeseburger, milk shake, beer, and stick of butter on the table, and whoever finishes it off without immediately running to the bathroom to throw it back up gets to hear Tyra Banks say "Congratulations. You get to keep going in this silly competition to see who gets to be America's Next Top Model." Then bring in Jenna, winner of the last Survivor and apparently a swimsuit model, and have her give a seminar on the time she had to go 39 days without make-up. The Model-ees can then do a photo shoot wearing vines and tree leaves, no make-up, and ratty hair, while eating a bug, and Jenna can be the guest judge for the week.

I suck at painting my toenails, by the way. I figured watching the show while doing my nails would somehow help my lack of expertise in this area. But it didn't. I would seriously fail the nail-painting competition.

C.T.