Saturday, October 06, 2007

I love a good B movie on a Saturday morning.

Sittin' in my chair, drinking my coffee, halfway watching a fantastic B movie on the Sci Fi channel is a perfect way to start my Saturday.

This morning's piece of cinematic excellence involves radioactive yellow jackets and wasps hunting people down in swarms and pretty much just stinging them to death. Apparently, wasps can be angry, can organize themselves into vindictive swarms, and target idiots doing stupid things out-of-doors.

Right now, the local county hamburger cook-off is about to get eaten by these ridiculous wasps, while the local entemologists try to warn everyone in vain.

Meanwhile, the local crazy pest control guy is hunting the even crazier wasps with a flame-thrower.

What can we learn from this film? I will tell you.

1. Outdoor hamburger festivals are dumb and wasps hate them. No hamburger is worth your life.

2. If wasps are following you, climb into a large trash can. Apparently, plastic cannot be penetrated by even the angriest of wasps.

3. Always listen to your local entemologists. If they tell you angry wasps are killing everyone, run away. Or find a trash can (see #2 above).

4. Always keep a flame-thrower on hand. You never know when you might need to fry a swarm of yellow jackets.

5. If you are a reporter covering a local hamburger festival, you are a target for angry wasps and you will certainly get eaten. And your camera man will capture all of it on film.

6. Once you are in a safe trash can, don't come out to check on things after thirty seconds. The wasps are smarter than you are and they are waiting outside of the trash can to eat you. Stay in there for like, a month. Just to be safe.

Remember, just because it's on the Sci Fi channel, doesn't mean it couldn't happen in real life . . .


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