They should have kept the scooter, instead of Scooter Girl . . .
And, Elvis should have left the building. Plus, Jesus can't sing.

These exciting headlines and more have so far taken place on the new season of American Idol 3: Idols take a Lickin' (okay I added that last part). The talent is worse, the brutal honesty is better, and alltogether things are harsh in the beginning auditions for the show this season.

Yes, the judges seem out for blood this year. They're meaner, they laugh out loud at sad contestants. They mean business.

And yes, as many of you have been waiting for, the Blog Alliance is back. Will we be wrong? Will we be right? It's too early to tell, but one thing is for sure . . . we will be your favorite guides through another season of American Idol.

So far, I've been unimpressed with the singing that has been considered 'good enough' to pass to the next round. The gimmicks have been weirder, the tempers have been bigger, and the egos have been even bigger than that. But still the fact remains, most of America just can't sing a note to save their lives, or mine.

Scooter Girl is my biggest point of confusion. This girl rides around on a scooter, sings a song she wrote about the scooter, gives a confessional about how wonderful she is, yet is recovering from anorexia, and generally is annoying in every sense of the word. She sang okay, but then again, I can't help but feel the scooter could have sung better on its own, had it been given the chance. All in all? I feel Simon, Paula, and Randy should have kept the scooter, and had Ryan give the Scooter Girl away to the man on the street instead. That way, at least they have a scooter for the rest of the show.

Then, there was Jesus. And his twin brother. I'm sure you're thinking this guy's name is "hey-seuss", like any normal person would name their son. But no, this dude's name is actually Jesus, pronounced just like our Lord and Savior, "jee-sus" Christ. So, whether he can sing or not, how can you say no to Jesus? Or his twin brother? Sure, these guys weren't the worst. But, I just wasn't feeling them. However, Jesus was good enough for Peter, Paul, and Mary (aka Simon, Randy, and Paula), and off they ascended to the next round. If Jesus wins American Idol 3, it will be a miracle.

Of course, what good audition process wouldn't be complete without Elvis? He arrived last night, and granted the guy could actually sing better than most of the hopefuls so far last night. But if it were up to me (as it should be), anyone arriving in costume will immediately be shot in the butt with a tranquilizer dart and put on the first bus out of town. He could have the most angelic voice in the world (unlike Jesus), but if he's dressed even remotely like Elvis, he's out. Nothing against Elvis, but he ain't Jesus. And the cheesy gimmicks need to come to a halt.

Now, did anyone else notice that the tall hot guy barely had to sing a note to pass to the next round? Sure, he was hot. But I wasn't overly impressed by his voice. However, since he did not come in dressed as Elvis or the savior of the world, I will condone his passing to the next level and hope that we get to look at him for a very, very long time.

Awards for the most bizarre and memorable auditions so far go to Scat Girl, who scatted her way through what she felt was a fabulous rendition of Route 66. To my knowledge, this word has songs, and not scat. But unfortunately, there is no room for scat in American Idol. However, I do sense a Scat Week theme coming on, so watch out.

Also earning a place in the Idol Hall of Shame was last night's Fame-Dancing girl, who ripped off her pants to reveal spandex, and then proceeded to give the worst rendition of a Dancing Famer that I've ever had to see. Then, she cried about how she lost 80 pounds to get there, and stormed out screaming about how this was all a big mistake. Luckily, her friend was there to greet her, tell her she was the best singer in the world, and put a hand in the cameras. Look out, America. Someday she's going to make someone, including herself, a lot of money. Perhaps as the spokesmodel for a new reality series, Things Not to Do on American Idol: The Real Stories of People Without Talent.

Tonight the auditions go to Houston, and if I know my home state, crazy antics will surely ensue. And maybe someone can sing well enough, too.

Don't count on it.

C.T.