Tuesday, September 11, 2007

This is not your home.

I make no secret of the fact that my house is not necessarily safe for animals. Again, the exhibits are:

Headless bird
Three-legged frog
Dead squirrel

Also, despite crafting a handicap ramp for our old family dog, she still fell off the edge every time she went in and out of my back door. Fortunately, this is not what killed her in the end.

Basically, if you are an animal and you choose to come on my land, you do so at your own risk. I am not trying to hurt you, but I make no special arrangments to keep you safe. This is not a Random Animal-Friendly Environment.

Unless you are the Puppies. Then I will make sure no harm comes to you. Because I like you.

I looked out in my backyard last night before taking out my trash, and something caught my eye. I opened the door and something started to run off, then it stopped.

It was a cat. A new cat. A cat I had not seen before. It stared me down as though it was challenging me to enter its yard.

It has been a year or so since the gang of annoying cats roamed my neighborhood, digging up my flowerbeds and pooping in my yard. It's been a nice, cat-free year.

I do not want another cat roaming around in my yard.

Tonight, I came home from work with my to-go Souper Salad (again, because I have NO FOOD in my house thanks to having a dead refrigerator in the house, and a new one not arriving until next week), I casually ate my dinner (um, it was the biggest salad EVER. The beauty of to-go Souper Salad is to pile on as much as will fit in that styrofoam container, and then not care later if you can't eat it all. It is a Souper buffet.), then I threw the rest of my dinner away (again, because I have no way of keeping leftovers...).

Then when I walked past my back door to close my curtains, that stupid cat was sitting RIGHT AT MY DOOR, staring in at me through the glass. A white cat peering inside from the dark of night is, I'm not going to lie, just a little bit creepy.

This is my response to all cats that wander into my yard: "This is not your home!"

I yelled this at the cat through my door, and it backed away just far enough so that it could still see me but with the defiance of not really leaving.

I hope it's not still out there. I think can feel his eyes boring into my soul through the door and the curtain.



meghant said...

If it's completely white, and has two different colored eyes, there is a good chance it is deaf and can't hear your screams. This is a fact. Don't question me, we have five cats.

The Cynical Tyrant said...

i think you have just described the evil cat at my door.

and now i'm frightened.