Monday, September 03, 2007

Earthquakes, Aborigines, and The Coloneling

I spent my weekend in a little place I like to call, The Hills. Laguna Hills, that is. It was a fabulous weekend filled with friends/family (I'm that crazy "auntie" from a far away land who is not really related but shows up in family photos and on the couch from time to time), adventure, and intrigue.

1. The Coloneling
The main event was the celebration of the Colonel, well, becoming a Colonel. Apparently this involved a grueling and intense series of mazes and Sudoku puzzles. Or something. But however he got there, we chose to celebrate with tacos and flan.

It also involved this shirt:

And this button:

And yes, I made both. They sold like hotcakes. Whatever that means.

2. Earthquake
There was a 4.something earthquake yesterday. We sat at the table the day before talking about how there are no earthquakes anymore. Then, we went and had one. It was my first earthquake. Ever.

Of course, I was in the shower and did not feel a thing. I had no idea the earth had quaked until they told me later.

I was hoping for a bit more drama than that. I did, however, go sit in the doorway for awhile after I found out that we'd had an earthquake. Just to be safe. And a little dramatic.

3. Aborigines
The Colonel family comes with two tiny Aborigine children of the ages of four-and-three-quarters, and almost two. True to the nature of Aborigine children, these children run wild and naked a lot. Which we are all okay with. It's in their nature.

Aborigine children activities included:
-Shooting Crazy Auntie T-Dawg with water guns and the water hose while chasing her through the water sprinklers (she was fully clothed - don't worry).
-Watching excerpts from all children-intentioned movies made in the past 10 years, plus Veggie Tales . . . twice. For me, it was like one long movie filled with Tarzan, Mulan, Wallace and Grommit, tiny Fern Gullies, and talking vegetables.
-Chalk outlines of big people and little people in the neighbor's driveway. It was a veritable Who's Who of crime scenes.
-Hot Wheels a-go-go. I always got stuck with the non-fast car. I think it was a conspiracy.
-Blowing bubbles in the front yard (I totally had the biggest bubbles. I'm amazing.).
-Poop and poop-related stories.

I am also (apparently) a very good Etcher Sketcher. My etchie-sketches consist of straight lines and little creativity, but by channeling my energy into making amazing mazes (all straight lines and right angles), I won the title of Very Good Etcher Sketcher. It's a rare, but valuable talent.

I also make a pretty good horse and/or jungle gym. You know you're family when two naked children are hanging off of you at the same time and everyone is okay with that.

My crowning glory and achievement was teaching the Aborigines the usefulness of the Wet Willy. You know, sticking your finger in your own mouth to get it nice and slobbery, then planting said slobbery finger into the ear of someone else. Oh, the fun that was had with the Wet Willies! I hope they continue to use this valuable knowlege often, especially when certain grown-ups least expect it.

4. The Conversation
I had a ridiculously early flight home this morning. But, I am thankful for this flight because had I been on a different flight, I would have missed 1) two twin 2-year-olds sitting in front of me who were trying to set the Guiness World Record for screaming the loudest and the longest on a flight . . . EVER, and b) the following conversation between the two Cher-from-Clueless lookalikes-soundalikes/aged-out sorority sisters sitting next to me on the plane:

Pilot: Please turn off and put away all cellphones and electronic devices at this time.
(Meanwhile, Cher #1 and Cher #2 are looking at photos on their digital camera from their wacky LA weekend that apparently ended at a tattoo parlor.)
Male Flight Attendant: Um, yeah. I'm going to need you to go ahead and turn that off now. All electronic devices need to be turned off at this time.
Cher #1: (to Cher#2) Um, what? Why do we have to turn this off??
Cher #2: (to Cher #1) Like, yeah. It's not like this is an electronic device or anything. It's just a digital camera. Like, totally unfair.

Then Cher #2 proceeded to give, like, marriage advice to Cher #1 for the rest of the 3-hour flight home.

And.... scene.

Finally, we all learned a valuable lesson this weekend. And that is, when you sit in the grass while wearing no pants, a bee will sting you in your butt. Then everyone will call you Bee Butt for the rest of the weekend, even though you are only four-and-three-quarters years old.

I got home and there were no naked children and no Disney movies. I don't really know what to do with that.



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