I don't have to tell you that I'm gorgeous on the inside.

There's a house a few streets over from mine that is for sale. The For Sale sign in the yard says, "I'm gorgeous on the inside!"

I hate to break it to you, House That's Been For Sale For 6 Months. But telling me you are gorgeous on the inside actually tells me that you are most definitely ugly on the OUTSIDE.

In fact, I refuse to look at you as I drive past because all I can see is the sign on your outside that tells me your are gorgeous on the inside. So, I can't even bring myself to look at your outside, for fear you are hideous on the exterior even though you are trying to distract me from your outside by telling me that you are gorgeous inside.

I don't want to burn my retinas with the horror of your exterior.

The sign also tells me that you are probably actually, in all reality, ugly on the inside. But by trying to subliminally convince me that you are gorgeous inside, everyday when I drive past you, if I were to step inside you, House, you are hoping I would already think you are gorgeous, even though you are actually ugly.

It won't work on me, I'll tell you right now.

Also, I'm not looking for a new house. So just leave me alone.

C.T.