That Halloween Thingy
I'm relatively new to the whole Halloween phenomenon. My Dad's birthday is on Halloween, and he hates Halloween. So as kids, we would would either leave the house on Halloween to take my dad out for his birthday, or we would hide in the basement with the lights out, watching TV in the dark to ward off trick-or-treators. We rarely dressed up in costumes, except for school stuff. We never went trick-or-treating.

Well, we did once. But when the guy next door answered the door in lady's lingerie, my mom quickly pulled the plug on that outing, and we never went out again.

This year, I live in a house again for the first time in a long time. And it's my house. So, technically no one can make me hide in my basement and pretend I'm not home. Mostly because I don't have a basement to hide in.

But, I have no idea what to give kids that come trick-or-treating. And I am too poor to go out and buy lots of candy for the 108 million kids in my neighborhood. So, I will either plan to not be home. Or, I will venture into my pantry and get creative.

I learned from a very wise man that anything given out to trick-or-treators has to be individually wrapped. This narrows down the selection some, but it also forces me to be more creative, which I enjoy. I figure I might as well start my career that will inevitably cause me to end up as the Crazy Old "Something" Lady, living alone in the same house many years from now, when kids walk by and point and say, "That's where Crazy Old 'Something' Lady lives."

So, here are a few options to give out in lieu of candy, which I've discovered in my house to help me on my way with the 'hook' effectively describing who I am to the neighborhood in the coming years:

Crazy Old Peanut in a Ziploc Bag Lady- I have a jar of peanuts that I will never eat. I can place one peanut in a ziploc bag and hand out literally hundreds of those.

Crazy Old Packaged Oatmeal Lady- I have a box from last year of packaged instant oatmeal. I also have one box of the 'old lady' version, given to me by my grandma because she didn't like it. Kids will love that, right?

Crazy Old Raman Noodle Lady- That's pretty self-explanatory.

Crazy Old Nutri-grain Cereal Bar Lady- Well, those are kind of expensive. So only the kids who don't throw things at me will get those.

Crazy Old Ice Cube in a Ziploc Bag Lady- Same concept as the Peanut in a Bag, but with ice cubes.

Crazy Old Box of Scooby Doo Macaroni and Cheese Lady- Wait, I ate that the other day. Nevermind.

Crazy Old Band-aid Lady- These come conveniently individually wrapped, so I don't even have to do anything with them.

Well, you get the idea. I still have some exploring to do. And I'm open to suggestions.

I'm sure this will be a Halloween to remember.

C.T.