Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Secret Santa gets Scandalous, y'all

First, let the record show that I had the best Secret Santa this year EVER . . . in the history of all Secret Santa's worldwide, in history, infinity.

Second, the great Secret Santa Scandal of '07 happened completely accidentally and innocently, and I was, in fact, involved initially only by request to help a fellow Secret Santa person of interest in an effort to secure the enjoyment of a third party Secret Santa-ee. Had this person not enlisted my help in a ploy to quite possibly save the life of a fellow coworker, none of this would have ever happened.

Third, it is not my fault that I have a deviously clever nature and the extreme talent of turning an accidental situation into a hilarious scandal. Sadly, this does sometimes result in the exploitation of others for the sole purpose of my entertainment. But again, I cannot help it. Sometimes.

I can if I really try. But let's face it, when I keep myself in check too much, things just get boring.

Fourth, no people (or animals) were actually harmed throughout this scandal.

Fifth, it's too twisted of a tale to tell at this pertinent juncture. But let me again reiterate that my Secret Santa was the best, from start to finish, and especially in the middle when I might have mentioned that my Secret Santa sucked (being pretty sure she was my Secret Santa but also having to live the lie of having a FAKE Secret Santa, yet finding it a little bit hilarious that the situation at that moment just got ridiculous, through no intentional actions on my part, completely out of my control . . . mostly).

Sixth, it was the first Secret Santa Scandal ever. So really, people should be thanking me for being the select few who were (willingly or otherwise) involved in making history. We will be talked about for generations to come.

Seventh, it is quite possible that no one will want to be my Secret Santa next year, and that I have some comeuppance coming at me soon, when I least expect it. If that's the case, I deserve it.

Eight, you have to get up pretty early in the morning to put one over on me. You should know that before you try anything you might regret later . . .

Ninth, did I mention how great my Secret Santa was this year? SUPER great. Like, Alexander the Great great, but not in a bad way.

I might have to make a lot of lemon squares to make up for the scandal heard round the office . . . by some people . . . who were in the lunch room during lunch . . . today.



Bonnie said...

Come on! You can't give us that and then not tell the scandal! You're public is waiting with bated breath!

meghant said...

Ok, I'm really tired, and it's been a long week - but I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with the fact that I didn't follow any of that.