I Need a Hook
Following in the footsteps of Chandler from Friends, in the episode when the downstairs neighbor, Mr. Heckles dies, I need a hook. Chandler discovers some odd similarities between himself and the strange, hermit-like Mr. Heckles. So he decides he needs to get a snake because he would one day grow old, forever alone. He would be Crazy Old Man With a Snake, and children would run past his house, pointing and laughing and afraid.

This type of future could be a possibility for me, so I'm beginning to realize I need a hook. It's no fun to be old and alone and not be odd, to at least stir up conversation with an air of intrigue and mystery on the block. Since I don't like snakes, and being poor at the moment, my hook needs to be something already lying around the house. Something odd and unique, so that I will stand out among the other hermit-like people in my neighborhood, if there are any. Perhaps I will be the one and only. That will surely work to my advantange.

After taking careful inventory of my house and surrounding yard, the obvious choice for my hook is . . . figs. I have a giant fig tree in the backyard. Once they are ripe in a week or so, I will be overrun with figs, running amok, out of control. Fig free-for-all.

I'm just Crazy Fig Lady From the Block.

C.T.