Say a Little Prayer
I've learned many, many things from my mom. But there is one thing she told me a long time ago that I hardly ever forget. I can't remember when she said it, or why. But I remember her telling my sister and me that every time we see an ambulance go by or on the side of the road helping someone, we should say a little prayer for the person needing the ambulance.

It was a long time before I really took that to heart. It was just one of those annoying 'mom' things that moms say to teach a life lesson, or to add another 'rule' to dampen our kid fun. Like, "don't bounce the ball in the house", or "go hug your sister." You hear your mom say these things, then you roll your eyes and go outside to play. I'm sure at the time I either didn't really hear her, or care to take it seriously. Praying for ambulances and people I didn't know seemed unnecessary.

But, it's strange the things that suddenly stick in your mind as time passes and things happen to change the way you think. A little different perspective goes a long way. It had been years since I thought about this little nugget of 'mom' wisdom imparted on my sister and me. But ever since the car accident that killed my sister and her two friends several years ago, I now almost always remember to say a quick prayer when I see an ambulance. Why? It's partly selfish, I guess. But I have good intentions. These people needing ambulances are no longer just people I don't know. They've become somewhat familiar, because they in some way need help and comfort, and I'm familiar with that. I will likely never meet them or know if they are okay, but I say a quick prayer for them and their families, much like I hope somebody passing by my sister's accident and the ambulances at the scene that day prayed for her and her friends, for the people taking care of her, and for my family. I'm thankful to anyone that did. Doesn't seem so annoying now.

So from my mom, to me, to you: Don't bounce the ball in the house. When you see an opportunity, take a moment to say a little prayer. And, go hug your sister.

C.T.

A Current Events Question
I'm just curious, but to all the adamant and passionate anti-war protestors who seem convinced that going to war is the absolute most wrong thing we could have done, what is your suggestion as to a better alternative to solve this whole Saddam/Iraq situation? And, why is whatever non-war scenario you offer the better, more likely to succeed option? I see so many angry, passionate people objecting the war, taking time and energy away from going to work and school, walking the streets, making signs, writing accusations and commentaries about our country's leadership, getting arrested for making a scene, etc. I just wonder what they think we should be doing instead of our current course of action, and why they think they have a better perspective. They're obviously upset enough to make a scene against what we are doing. But sometimes I wonder if they are making a scene just to make a scene and be heard 'in the name of peace', or if they truly see a better way to handle the situation.

Not to say either side is right or wrong. Just curious.

C.T.

Squiggly
I think someone may have found my long lost pet squid, Squiggly. And apparently he's the same colossal attack squid from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

They can keep him. I don't think he'll fit in his fish bowl anymore.

C.T.

Idol Heartbreak
So, the Tyrant was all set to do the "Bye-Bye Carmen" dance. (yes, there really is such a dance.) When what happens? NO ONE is voted off the show last night! What is that about?!?! What else is Idol good for, if not to shatter the hopes and dreams of pop star wannabees, every week, on schedule, for my entertainment?

My co-conspirator sums up the situation quite nicely. We were not entirely publicly united in our front, and this allowed for a small flaw in the timing of our plan. True, Corey was eliminated in the correct order, and even without being technically voted off. Pretty impressive, if I do say so myself. I'd almost underestimated the powerful persuasion of the alliance, via blog. But after Corey's untimely demise, our goal for this week was to send Carmen home crying last night. This freakish turn of events, with the non-elimination show (which I would argue is technically against the law and could be considered an Idol competition crime at this point) has thrown us for a loop. But ultimately it merely delays the inevitable demise of Carmen.

We have learned our lesson. Make no mistake, the shock and awe phase of the Idol coalition is in progress. For the greater good of ridding Idol annoyances once and for all, we stand united in our quest to oust Carmen swiftly, immediately, and without loss of innocent casualties along the way. Once the Carmen obstacle is out of the way, we will move steadily towards the next target, until victory is at hand. For now, be warned: Carmen will be sent packing next week.

The alliance has spoken.

C.T.

Color-riffic
Yes, I'm playing with the colors. Don't be afraid. It's still the same great blog as before.

C.T.

More Daily Annoyances
7. People who can't be silent.
I'm totally comfortable not saying a word. I love silence. I'm just not a talker. So why do people assume that means I want to listen to them talk? I mean, I like to listen when in conversation and such. If you need a friendly ear, I'm all about that. But just because I'm not saying anything when you come along doesn't mean I need you to fill the silence by chattering on about superfluous stuff for the sake of combatting the silence. If you're uncomfortable with silence, don't make me suffer because of your discomfort. If I'm sitting at lunch and you decide to join me, don't assume I'm going to engage in conversation with you just because you start talking, and keep talking. Don't assume I need to be in a conversation. And beyond that, don't assume I need to hear about your life to make my lunch time any better than sitting and eating in silence. I'm cool with silence. If I was looking for interaction, I'd interact. People who assume that silence is their floor to start talking about themselves, and continue talking about themselves after no prompting or response from me, they are only managing to ruin a perfectly peacefully silent atmosphere.

If after a few minutes I'm not responding to you, chances are I'm trying to tell you something without actually telling you. Silence!

8. Over-use of certain words.
Here's a hint, if everything to you is 'awesome', the word eventually loses all meaning to anyone listening to you describe your 'awesome' experiences. There is no possible way everything can be 'awesome'. The sky may be pretty, but is it really 'awesome' every time you see it and it's blue? You may have found a nickel on the floor, but is that really 'awesome'? You may enjoy the food you are eating for lunch, but is it any more 'awesome' than the food you said was 'awesome' yesterday? It's not awesome to use 'awesome' so much. Quit it.

C.T.

More Idol Analysis
It was finally disco night, and I was very excited for disco. Being a huge disco fan, I just knew I was in for an hour of disco-riffic fun. But, I have to admit I was left unfulfilled. Who would've guessed that some of these now seasoned Idol Wannabees could kill disco? I didn't think it was possible.

1. First, you should never doubt the annoying factor when it comes to the Tyrant's Spidey sense. I said from the beginning that I was tremendously annoyed by Corey, and sure enough, he's turned out to be a bad seed. As you saw last night, he can't even apologize for being a criminal in a non-annoying way. Corey, good luck with those 'false' charges. And I suggest you burn the see-through shirt, much like I will try to burn the memory of you on Idol.

2. Hopefully Carmen's hair extensions didn't succeed in extending her stay on Idol any further past today. And I will be so bold as to say that I never want to hear about Ryan's 'extension' again.

3. Paula was right about Kimberly C. She is very consistent. Consistently boring. Get off the show. And leave Jewel alone. She clearly was not interested in meeting you.

4. Joshua was by far the worst performance last night, only because Corey is no longer able to be with us. You'd think a Marine would be able to suck it up even feeling a bit sick, and still perform better than the other 7 civilians.

5. I usually appreciate Simon's perspective, but I'm not sure what his problem was last night. I loved Clay, although I'm beginning to wonder if his feet are made of lead since he never moves around on stage. I did totally dig his shirt and look last night. He's finally starting to look like a rock star, just a wee bit.

6. Ruben again did a fabulous job, although I am still sick of the 205 shirts. It's old, and it's working against him at this point, in my opinion. But annoying shirts aside, the Tyrant may foresee a Clay vs. Ruben duel to the end of this competition. And I would not be disappointed with that.

7. Ricky's 'fro was the best part of his performance. But I think all of the contestants should have had to wear the 'fro for each of their performances. One good 'fro deserves another.

8. Kimberly L. tried it with the 'fro, but just didn't quite pull it off as well. Girl does have some hair, though. Still, I'm just not impressed by her performances. Too ordinary to be an Idol. But she would likely beat the other Kimberly in a fist fight, so I give her props for that.

9. The artist currently known as Trenyce, well, I have to say she's growing on me. She was in my Top 3 last night. Which is impressive since she was originally on my list to be removed from the competition post haste. We'll see if she continues to redeem herself.

If all continues to go according to plan, Carmen will be back to her hometown, in bed before her curfew, and up in time to catch the bus for school tomorrow. And per last night's performance, I think Josh may have moved to next in line on the hit list. His 'marine' novelty has worn off, and it may be time for him to report back to duty.

And, seriously, if Verdine from Earth, Wind and Fire can be a celebrity judge, why have I not been called? Come on! I can totally top his outfit, and hair, if necessary.

C.T.

PS: If you doubt the power of the Tyrant and other blogs cooperating to dictate the course of this Idol series, I refer you to another concerned blog dedicated to expelling the idiots from Idol. Are the recent course of events coincidental to our wishes via blog? I think not. But you decide for yourself. Never underestimate the power of the blog . . .

Cher Sheds Light on a Murky Issue
Well, I suspected as much. But hearing it from Cher, I'm now convinced that Jacko is Wacko.

C.T.

Commercials, and therefore products, I Loathe
My understanding of advertising via television commercials is to entice the consumer into wanting and purchasing a product or service. So, why have people created so many commercials that do nothing but annoy me? This seems not to coincide with the logic of enticement, since the commercials only succeed in leading me to loathe whatever they advertise. I am therefore boycotting the following commercials and their related products. These are the first in what I'm sure will be a long on-going list of commercials and products:

1. Michelina
There is a reason The Macarena died a quick death, and is now a phenomenon of which humans are forbidden to speak. The reason is not so that the song could be revived as the theme song for Michelina frozen dinners. Whoever thought this was a good idea was very, very wrong. People doing the 'Michelina' dance in the frozen food section or in the office does not make the song or the commercials any better. Therefore, I will never purchase or consume a Michelina dinner.

2. Any commercial starting with the sound of an alarm clock
One that comes to mind is the Doritos commerical with Tony Hawk on his skateboard. All alarm clocks on TV sound like my alarm clock. Since I hate the sound of my clock because it means I have to wake from my peaceful sleep and go to my dreaded job, to hear a similar alarm clock sound any time during the day only causes rage and hostility to arise within me. Therefore, I will not eat those Doritos in the easy access can, or partake of any other products sold by use of an alarm clock in a commercial.

3. Snuggle
That little bear is the creepiest stuffed animal I've ever seen. The commercials using the porcupine and other animals as Snuggle pitch-animals are just as creepy. I have to admit I currently use Snuggle, but the more I see that bear, the more I fear the product. The status of this boycott is TBA.

4. Geico
Enough with the gecko lizard already. We get the joke, but the commercials that were never really clever have definitely moved beyond nearly-clever and are now just annoying. Therefore, I will never switch to Geico for my insurance needs.

5. Wal-Mart smiley face
Seriously, I hate the smiley face. Unfortunately, I am a Wal-Mart shopper. But Wal-Mart should take some pointers from the Target commercials, so I'm not completely embarrassed by my Wal-Mart shopping experience. If Target can become cool, so can Wal-Mart.

6. Pier One
Please send Kirstie Alley back to wherever you found her. Because she is so annoying in and of herself, I therefore boycott Pier One.

7. 10-10-220, 1-800-CALL-ATT
These are two competing products, but individually so annoying that I consider them one horrible line of advertising. Whoever thought Alf and Hulk Hogan were good competition for Carrot Top was way off. I therefore boycott the use of these long-distance dialing services, and will continue to not call anyone long-distance.

8. Radio Shack
If you continue to insist on using Howie Long, Vanessa Williams, Ving Rhames, and Teri Hatcher for these horrible commercials, I will never again set foot inside a Radio Shack. There is nothing in there that I can't get at Best Buy, where I'm not already annoyed before I enter the store.

9. T-Mobile
Why, oh why, did Catherine Zeta-Jones ever sign on to this ad campaign? Since she is now an Oscar winning actress, she should sever all ties with T-Mobile, fire off a cease and desist order to immediately pull all of these commercials from the air, and have another kid.

I'm so annoyed right now just blogging about these commercials, I will have to pick this up again another time.

The moral of the story is, if you value the consumer influence of the Tyrant, don't annoy her with silly commercials and spokespeople.

C.T.

Another Idol Bites the Dust
Weeding out the losers one criminal at a time. This time, without punishing us through another bad performance. It's almost too good to be true.

In all reality, the true crime was his see-through shirt last week. I think it tipped someone off as to his sordid past.

Next target: Carmen

C.T.

Cycling Issues
As I continue training for my century ride, there are several recurring issues that play a part in my rides throughout the week.

Issue #1 - Knee pain
I have bad knees, from sports injuries during my glory days on the the jr. high basketball team and my highschool tennis team, further damaged by the Great Bike Incident (see Biking and The Incident) several years ago when I saved some lives and landed on my knee. Had my knees held up better through all the athleticism and heroics, I'd likely now be a famous professional basketball player for the WNBA, a tennis pro, and winner of the Tour de France.

Consequently, when I ride long distances now my knee doth complain profusely. Sometimes it behaves, and I mistakenly think I've been miraculously healed via a secret bionic knee transplant. Other times, I'm about ready to rip it off and continue pedaling with one good leg. I am determined not to let my knees keep me from riding and completing my century. I just need to figure out how to fill my Camelback with the right concoction of Powerade and morphine, so I can steadily sip and dull the pain throughout the ride.

Issue #2 - Wind
I hate wind. Even when the weather man tells me there is no wind, at the lake there is always wind. Wind is omnipresent. It blows debris into my eyes, somehow managing to swirl inside and around my protective cycling sunglasses worn for the sole purpose of shielding my eyes from debris. Thus, the wind renders me unable to see for all the blinking and eye-watering attempts to rid my eye of said debris. Wind hits me from the side in big gusts, trying to knock me over. It pushes against me as I pedal forward. Wind is not my friend.

The thing with wind is that unless it's a tornado, it should pretty much blow one way or the other. When cycling around the lake, I tend to think there should be one windy side to the lake. If the wind blows from the north, as I ride on the side of the lake pointing north, it makes sense I will encounter some wind resistance. My solace in that is to look forward to the other side of the lake where I should experience the wind at my back. So, imagine my frustration as I pedal several laps around the lake, finding that every side of the lake seems to be the windy side of the lake. If I didn't know better, I'd say the wind follows me just to taunt me. And blow things into my eye.

Issue #3 - Snot
Yes, snot. When biking outside my nose runs uncontrollably. I don't understand it. I don't have a cold, and my allergies are under control. So I ask, why all the snot? I could really do without it. I almost hyperventilate from breathing hard due to riding hard, plus continuously sniffing to keep the snot from trailing down my chin. It's disgusting. Even using my gloves to wipe the snot tends to mostly just smear it. I'm sure I make quite a spectacle, sniffing around the lake, trying to control the snot without breaking form.

Of all the issues, the snot is the biggest annoyance. The knee is aching, the wind is blowing, but the snot is flowing faster and in greater volumes than I can handle. I need to fashion some sort of device, attaching to my helmet, as a hands-free snot catcher.

It's a good thing I really love cycling. Otherwise it wouldn't make sense to spend so much time perfecting a painful, windy, snot-filled hobby.

C.T.

More Daily Annoyances
6. People who are oblivious to personal space.
I am completely annoyed by the people behind me who stand pretty much on top of me in the checkout line, breathing down my neck and looking over my shoulder eyeballing my coupons, or trying to fill out their check on that one tiny check-writing platform before I've finished paying for my groceris and moved out of the way. Or people who reach around, over, or through me to grab something off the shelf at Wal-Mart because they can't wait two seconds for me to move. Or people who let their children run amok in the grocery store, letting them bump into my legs and touch me with sticky hands before they attempt to corral their kids out of my personal space.

If I don't know you, you and your kin don't belong that close to me. Step off.

C.T.

Exercise Observation of the Day
After a weekend of intensely observing various people walking, running, biking, rollerblading, etc. at the lake, I've come to the following conclusion: No matter what kind of exercise you feel you are doing, if it can be done while having a conversation on your cell phone, you are not exercising.

Cell phone negates exercise. Plus, you are a hazard to people who are seriously exercising. Turn it off, or get out of my way.

C.T.

The Drink Cooler
Here at my place of employment, we have a cooler containing cold softdrinks and bottled juices, free to staff. It's a beautiful thing. One of the few perks of working where I work. They pay me dirt and torture me relentlessly, but I can have a Coke.

I'm pretty sure at least something in this place will kill me before I'm able to escape. It could be the drink cooler. This cooler is likely the oldest known electric cooler still functioning on the planet. Somehow, it keeps running. But it looks like it shouldn't work and should have been put out of its misery long ago. In all honesty, it's probably made of some sort of toxic materials, now illegal to use in the manufacture of consumer goods since the cooler was made in the early 17th century. At one point a hole appeared in the underneath side of the lid, so every time you closed the lid this crumbly rusty looking powdery stuff would fall out of the hole and onto the lids of the drinks. The hole stayed open for a few days, forcing us to deal with the strange potentially hazardous substance. I finally took matters into my own hands and fixed it. With tape. Tape will surely protect us from any biohazardous material or chemical toxin. Right?

Now, I'm not sure what they did around here until I started working here a year or so ago. But without me, this cooler would be a constant disaster area. It's the source of endless frustration for me. The one shining good thing I look forward to here everyday is a nice, cold Coke for lunch. My one daily caffeine allowance. The one redeemable quality of working here. Free Coke. So imagine my disappointment on the days when I find no Coke in the cooler. How hard is it to keep a cooler stocked?

The drinks are delivered to the room containing the cooler. However, they do not jump into the cooler on their own. Someone must physically place the drinks inside the cooler. Hence the cooling process begins. Maybe we need to hire a Cooler Coordinator to make sure the cooler is properly stocked at all times. Because if I never went down there to attend to the cooler, we'd have a room full of warm drinks, and a cooler full of very cool air.

Occassionally people will decide they need to help a bit with the cooler. I don't know who these people are for sure, but I can guess, based on the flavors of drinks they decide to add to the cooler. These people do not understand proper cooler loading techniques. They'll look for whatever drink they prefer, and if they don't see at the top of the cooler, they'll throw in a 6-pack of it on top of everything else. While this is essentially the drink cooler loading process, it is entirely the wrong way to load a cooler for effective and practical drink cooling, selection, and retrieval.

I spent three summers in highschool and college working for a golf course in the food and beverage department. During my time there I learned the proper ways to load a cooler for easy location and distribution of drinks upon demand. There is a technique to it that allows for a wide variety of drinks to be clearly on display in a cooler, evenly cooled throughout the cooler, and easily reachable for serving. I became an expert. However, even without my extensive training in this area, common sense should allow anyone knowledge of proper cooler operation.

It's simple. First, you never load the entire 6-pack still in the plastic rings. You take the cans out of the rings. If you place 6-pack on top of 6-pack the 6-packs on the bottom become unreachable, and therefore unavailable, wasting space. Soon the rings and cans get all tangled together, and you have a huge mess inside the cooler. Second, you load from bottom to top, in columns, per drink type. This allows some of every drink to be at the top. When one column is low, you load more of that particular softdrink. Third, load the volume of each type of drink per the demand. Take notice as to the most popular drinks, and keep a good supply of those drinks in the cooler. There is never a need for 36 cans of Big Red or Sunkist or generic 'root beer'. That takes space away from the drinks people like, such as Coke, Diet Coke, Dr. Pepper, and Diet Dr. Pepper. The Big Red, Sunkist, 'root beer' freaks don't need that much space in the cooler.

What is hard about that? I'll go in a couple times a week and load the cooler properly, to the top. It's a fabulous example of impeccable cooler maintenance. But without fail, I'll come along in a day or two and the Diet Dr. Pepper lover has thrown in two 6-packs of Diet DP on top of my beautiful arrangement of softdrinks. Then someone else will come along, unable to find their Big Red because of all the Diet DP on top, and he'll throw in two 6-packs of Big Red. This ruins the whole thing! Drinks running amok.

All I want is one cold Coke for lunch. And a tidy cooler. That is not too much to ask, people.

C.T.

Bathroom Talk
I know I said to keep it clean here, but I have to talk dirty for a minute.

I've changed a lot over the past couple of years in one specific area. I used to be a major germ-ophobe. You know, afraid to touch anything for fear of germs, washing my hands frequently, always carrying anti-bacterial hand cleanser. I'm not sure when I became so afraid of germs, or why. I guess it just became one of the things I obsessed about. When I fixate on something, it becomes a major obsession. Case in point: M&Ms.

Anyway, I'm now pretty much cured of my germ issues. How, you ask? Simple. A couple of trips to Russia did the trick. The purpose of the trips was not to cure me of my germ issues. My cure was just a byproduct of the adventures. After spending time in a country with an entirely different interpretation of the words 'clean' or 'hygiene', you learn that the germiest thing in America is automatically at least 100 times cleaner than the cleanest thing in Russia. Don't get me wrong, I love Russia. But be warned, it'll scare the germ fear right out of you. Germs, dirt, stench, et all run completely amok in Russia.

For instance, bathrooms. I was warned before going that there is a far inferior sewage system in Russia, and that toilet paper is scarce. But I was not prepared for the shocking difference in facilities upon my first trip to Russia. Since the pipes are so bad in Russia, you can't flush toilet paper, when you can find or purchase a few squares of toilet paper. In one restroom, the toilet 'paper' was actually sheets torn out of a book. But toilet paper aside, upon hitting the door of a restroom, you are immediately greeted by an offensive aroma and some things you don't ever want to see in a trash can. And these are the 'nice' restrooms in restaurants and hotels and such. Out in the sticks, you're doing well to get a covered hole and toilet paper that isn't frozen to the wall of the shack containing the hole.

Having endured these conditions now twice, you'd think I'd be prepared for whatever restroom atrocities that could possibly take place here in the States. We have far superior restroom functionality and standards here. So by default, you'd think things wouldn't be as bad. Yet, here at work I am continually shocked by what I endure during my trips to the restroom.

We have the potential to have a very nice restroom. It's a one-seater just for the women, with a locking door, so in theory it should be a very pleasant experience. You don't have to share the room with anyone while you're in there. You have complete privacy, plenty of room to stretch out or walk around a bit, and you don't have to worry about being interrupted while engaged in whatever bathroom activity you feel the need to embrace while in there.

My office is upstairs from the ladies restroom. Since there are only a few ladies in this building, it doesn't get nearly as much use as the men's facilities. You'd think it would be a pretty safe place to do necessary business. But, you'd think wrong. Truly, I'm appalled that some of the females here are so bold as to their use of the restroom in ways that should only be done at home in the privacy of your own, personal bathroom. It's one thing to funk up your own place, but it's a whole weird etiquette thing to go to work and funk the place up there.

Being upstairs, I can never tell when someone has just been in the restroom. And I swear I don't know how it happens, but I always manage to time my visits immediately following someone who has been in there doing some major, well, work. There are only a few people who could be the offending culprits, and yet I haven't quite managed to determine who gets in there and does so much damage. Maybe they are working as a team, conspiring against me. Whatever the case, they lay some major traps for me to discover once I've already committed to needing the facilities.

I always wait as long as I can, because I know what awaits me downstairs. I'm very sensitive to smells, and without fail, every time I open the door I'm hit by a wave of odor that shouldn't be humanly possible coming from any woman on earth. Once I've opened the door and timidly ventured in, there's no turning back. I've committed to the process, and I can't very well abort the mission and flee back up the stairs. I can only grab one last giant gulp of fresh hallway air, enter the demon restroom, think of my 'happy place', and hurry as best I can through what I need to do.

Sometimes, the bad smell isn't the worst part. Often the offending culprit has tried to mask the bad odor with what they hope to be a better aroma, in the form of air-freshener. I swear this can of air-freshener is the same can from the first day I started working here. It's been there maybe since the Mission was founded. It's a never-ending can. And it's not a good scent. So on top of the overwhelming stench of business gone bad, we often have the overbearing aroma of bad air-freshener. Since it's an enclosed room with a locking door and no ventilation, the mixture seems to increase in strength the longer I'm in there. It's a suffocating mix. And it burns my eyes.

Beyond the smell, sometimes the culprit leaves presents for me on the toliet seat. And I truly don't understand it. How is it possible to leave something behind on the seat without knowing? Surely if they knew they'd left an unwanted gift, they would have the presence of mind and the decency to clean it up. This tells me they aren't looking or considering that others do use the same restroom and don't appreciate their remnants left behind. There is plenty of room to turn around and make sure the coast is clear when you are finished with your business. If you see something, clean it up. It got so bad for awhile that I posted a sign about keeping the seat clean, to add to the other signs already posted asking people to turn out the lights and such. I didn't think we were 3rd graders, but apparently some of us are. We need lots of signs on proper bathroom use. But for the love of Pete, who cares about the lights when there are hazardous landmines laying in wait on the toilet seat??? Get your priorities straight, people.

For the sake of argument, I have not reverted back to my germ fearing ways. And actually, I feel much better not worrying about everything I touch, and I haven't been sick in quite a long while. Germs, schmerms. But for purposes of human decency and acceptable amounts of workplace torture, I feel that if I am forced to be here at work all day, when it comes time for me to use the facilities they should be at a certain level of cleanliness, and at a much lower level of smelliness. When in Russia, that's a different story, and a different level of expectations. But here in America, I have the right to a clean, odor-free restroom at my place of employment.

I shouldn't have to enter a bio-hazard everytime I need to use the facilities. I just don't have the haz-mat suit or gas mask for that sort of thing.

C.T.

Tyrannical Rules
I didn't want to have to do this, but due to a couple of comments posted to a blog entry here, I have to pause for a minute to be your mom.

The rules here are simple. Read and have fun. I ask one thing: keep your comment responses clean.

I don't see the need for use of inappropriate language, four letter words, or any derivations thereof, when posting a comment. I truly believe you can effectively convey your thoughts on any issue here without cussing us out. I don't cuss at you, and I'd prefer to keep my blog a cuss-free zone.

If you feel you absolutely must use some colorful language to express yourself here, try this: Pause in your typing, say the colorful word aloud to yourself, get it out of your system, take a deep breath, and continue to type your thoughts being sure to leave out the colorful word. Or, substitute a more pleasant word. Like, 'flower' for the f-word. I promise your thoughts will be much more well received if you choose a kinder, gentler way to speak your mind here.

I love reading your comments, and I appreciate different points of view in response to the things I write. Feel free to comment on anything said here, whether you agree or disagree or just have something you want to say. But if we can't all be adults here, I will take off the comments. Don't make me do that.

You don't want to anger the Tyrant. Remember, I am a ninja. I will strike before you even realize you've been hit. You've been warned.

Thanks for your cooperation. Read on, and have fun.

C.T.

Idol Analysis
I have a few words based on last night's American Idol:

1. Never, ever replace disco with country music. I was set and pumped for a night of disco. Then I was hit by the disappointment of Ryan's announcement about switching things up, and this tainted my viewing of the entire show. Since they dug Olivia Newton John out from wherever she's been hiding lately, they should have at least done her songs for the evening. I'd have preferred to hear Let's Get Physical 10 times, rather than one single country song.

2. Josh the Marine - At first, I liked this guy. For one, he's a Marine. How can we not like that? Plus, he just seemed like a sweet, good-singing guy. Now, he tends to get on my nerves. I do believe he was in his element last night as a country singer, but his performance just really annoyed me. I didn't think he sounded good, and if he'd quit running all over the stage long enough to get a good look at him, I'd comment on how he looked.

3. Seriously, Ruben. You sing wonderfully, but surely there is another shirt you can wear without the 205??? Last night I expected him to bust out into some kind of country-rap, based on his attire. Word.

4. While I still do not like her, Kimberly C. finally gave a performance worthy of being considered a finalist, albeit a lower tier finalist. However, she seemed to have forgotten the lower tier of her shirt.

5. Corey, Corey, Corey. Wins again for Most Annoying Male Idol Wannabee. The see-through mesh shirt, worn frequently in the 80's, is just not something I ever wanted to see again. And while his performance was not as bad as last week, he may never be able to redeem himself with me. He's just stuck in my mind as one severely annoying dude. I cannot figure out why Paula is so in love with him.

6. Carmen, Happy Birthday. After you finish your homework and grow into this competition, then you can come sing with the rest of us.

7. I didn't realize how tall Clay really is, til he stood next to Ryan Seacrest on the stage. Ryan must be a midget, because Clay always strikes me as non-tall. Clay, another good performance. A little lacking on the excitement, but your peppy hair made up for it.

8. Kimberly not C., your performance was not memorable enough for me to make a comment.

9. Ricky, ditto. And it may be time to give the 'Hercules' voice a rest.

10. Trenyce. I just noticed she now only goes by Trenyce. No last name. She's assuming she's cool enough to be a just 'Cher', or 'Madonna', or 'Tyrant'? I think not.

11. Saved the worst for last. Julia should just quit trying, since Simon pointed out quite accurately that she appears to be trying too hard. Poor Faith Hill should burn all ties to Breathe after Julia got ahold of it. America, please send Julia home tonight. Put us out of our misery.

I should totally be a celebrity judge on Idol. I rock.

UPDATE: The Julia issue has been contained. She has been forcefully removed from the premises. I hear she scratched one of Ryan's eyeballs out as she was dragged from the stage. He'll be wearing a carefully coordinated eye patch the rest of the season. Ryan's injury aside, good job, America. You rose to the occasion, you rid us of Julia, and you've made me proud. With Julia out of the way, the 'shock and awe' phase of American Idol will now commence. Next target: Corey.

C.T.

Energy Bar Experiment
Since I'm cycling and working out so much lately, training for my century ride, I have to concentrate quite a bit on nutrition. I'm hungry literally all the time. I consume more food than I am capable of holding. Truthfully, I don't know where it all goes. I just know I eat alot, and often. And it's expensive. I can't afford to feed myself. Too bad my tummy doesn't know that.

Currently, I'm on a quest to find a decent energy bar type thing. I hate these things. But, they really do help with energy and nutrients before and after I ride, and they make a better snack before workouts than say, M&Ms. The problem is, I just don't understand why they have to be so gross.

For one, they don't taste good. All the different flavors don't help. The flavors are just poor attempts at imitating real flavors that make you wish you were eating the real thing, rather than a carrot cake 'flavored' bar. The first few bites are okay, sometimes. But I find it difficult to make it through an entire energy bar in one sitting.

Which brings me to the texture issues. Could they be any more disgusting in texture? If they tried to make the original PowerBars more wrong in texture, I don't think they could. In college, I was in the marching band. Say what you will about that, but I was in it purely for the free travel to football games, and to get out of the lame P.E. requirements, for which I'd have to take Beginning Tennis, or Bowling, or Hopscotch. You know, something stupid. Marching Band was a strategic move. And not entirely stupid.

Anyway, after our halftime performances of wandering all over the football field in 100 degree weather wearing wool uniforms, they decided PowerBars would be just the thing to restore our energy levels for the rest of the football game. That's when I discovered that a warm PowerBar, when taken out of the wrapper and rolled into a ball, bounces. Yep, they bounce, and will eventually stick to almost any given surface, such as a tuba, or someone's marching hat, or a drum. Or cheerleaders. Needless to say, the PowerBars stopped after awhile. Apparently college students aren't mature enough to handle PowerBars when bored and delirious from sunstroke.

By the way, I wouldn't recommend throwing a PowerBar Ball at someone you like or intend to keep as a friend. They hurt.

Anyway, knowing PowerBars are made of a substance resembling rubber and can be used as a toy or weapon, it's difficult to get past the texture issue to enjoy a PowerBar. They always seem to get stuck about halfway down my food pipe, lodging somewhere in my chest. No amount of water seems to dissolve it. PowerBars are just a weird idea for food.

Now there are many varieties of PowerBars: Harvest, ProteinPlus, etc. They each have a different consistency and a slightly different purpose. I've also discovered Clif Bars, which so far are winning my energy bar experiment. They have a slightly better taste, and better consistency, although still a little mushy, yet rubbery. I'm currently trying every variety and flavor of energy bar which seems reasonable to try. It's a confusing, difficult, but necessary process.

As my search continues, I still have to wonder why energy bars have to be so gross. Why must they torture me so? I never did anything to them. Well, after the throwing. And they started it by being gross first.

Maybe one day I'll build a statue in honor of whatever energy bar wins my affection. It will be a sculpture made entirely of the energy bar which loses the competition.

C.T.

Caffeine - The Eternal Struggle
My battle with caffeine is an on-going issue. Several years ago I had a major caffeine problem. I'd consume much coffee and Coke throughout the day. These were pretty much the only beverages of which I'd partake. After developing some stomach problems (not directly related to the caffeine over-indulgence), my doctor insisted that I give up the caffeine. Little did I know this was the beginning of much suffering. It would have been easier just to put me down on the spot.

So, I stopped the caffeine cold turkey. This was a big mistake. What happened next was a three-week headache, much sleepiness, and general grumpiness. I was not pleasant to be around for many weeks in a row. And, I was thirsty. What do people drink if not coffee and Coke?

Water. Bland, boring, tasteless water.

Well, I discovered that once I was past the withdrawal phase, I actually felt much better. It was tough to stay away from the caffeine. Coffee is all over the office, and it was hard to go to lunch and not order a Coke. But, I adapted and soon I never even missed the sweet, satisfying caffeinated beverages of my past.

I went about two years, completely caffeine free. You don't get a chip, or go to a support group for this. No Caffeine-aholics Anonymous. No, I did it all on my own, and before I knew it quite a bit of time had passed since that last Coke. I discovered I actually didn't need the stuff to make it through a day. I definitely deserved a medal of some sort.

Well, somewhere along the line I slipped up. I'm sure it started with Coke, my main weakness. And I blame my family. When I don't spend time with them, I'm not tempted by Cokes or coffee. I'd quit buying Cokes, and I'd put my coffee maker in the back of my cabinet, so as not to be tempted to make coffee at home. But, my family does drink heavily when it comes to coffee, Cokes, and tea. Oh, how I love sweet tea. When I'm with family, I'm forced to participate in their custom of consuming the caffeinated beverages. When in Rome, right? I don't want to be rude. . .

So my caffeine rules are now this: Maximum one Coke a day. And no coffee while in the city where I live. Coffee is only to be had on vacation. And any time I am out of town falls into the category of 'vacation' for the purposes of these rules. Once out of town, I'm allowed basically a free-for-all with the Coke, coffee, and tea. After all, I work so hard the rest of the time staying away. I deserve a treat.

When back home after a caffeine-filled vacation, I usually suffer for a day or two back on my strict caffeine diet. But it's soooo worth it.

Today, I am in withdrawal because there are no caffeinated softdrinks anywhere to be found in the office. Sticking to my coffee rule, I do insist on one Coke a day. We usually have drinks available here at work. My preference is Coke. Then I'll go with Pepsi. And if all else fails, Dr. Pepper. Today, I saw Sunkist. And I was sad.

And now sleepy. And getting a headache. . .

Curse caffeine. I just can't win.

C.T.

Protesting Protests
That's it. I'm taking time off from work, I'm not going to class, I'm going to make large signs and stand in the middle of the street in downtown, block traffic, and scream until I am heard and I make it on the news. I'm protesting all of these protests.

I'm not against the act of protesting. In fact, I support taking a stand on something and passionately backing that up. I just don't agree with the way many of the protesters protest.

Seriously people, do you think all the yelling and screaming and getting in the way of people trying to get to work or home from work everyday really makes a difference? Do you think Bush or people in influencial positions are sitting home, watching the mobs gather and march around the streets obstructing traffic and getting arrested, thinking, "You know, they really are right. I see them in the street getting in the way of people doing their jobs to keep this economy running. I see them getting arrested, filling up our jails, and taking police officers away from catching criminals. I see those naked people spelling out 'No War' in a field. I see these celebrities speaking out against the war at the Oscars. Because they are naked, celebrities, and angry mobs, I hear what they say and they have totally convinced me that we should immediately stop the war." Hmmmm. I don't think so.

To me it just looks like a bunch of silly people not wanting to go to work or class, and looking for an excuse to make a big deal out of something because it's "for a good cause". I don't take any of the protestors seriously because these scenes of protest just come across as loud, bored, angry, immature people. Why would I support that?

Go ahead and protest. But I implore you to get creative and think of a more constructive way to do it. Something that will really convince people to listen to you about your cause, rather than be frustrated and annoyed at the sight of you. Don't you think that might work a little better?

Especially don't get in my way while I'm trying to get to work or do what I need to do everyday. I may not ever be exactly anxious to arrive at my job everyday, or excited to be here. But when you start getting in the way of how this country runs, impeding those of us who still see the importance of going to work, doing our jobs, supporting the economy, and trying to make sure this place is still standing when our troops come home, you are working against the very thing you think you are trying to protect and support.

Now, put your pants on, go to work, get to class, polish your Oscar and/or Grammy, and think about what I've said.

C.T.