Buns and Thighs!!
Hands down, best blog title ever.

What I love best about my friends is that they are endless sources of entertainment for me. Okay, it's not what I love best, but it's a nice perk. It's fun for me because many times I feel like I have to be 'on' and entertain with my sharp wit and engaging charm. Always the entertainer.....

Um, yeah.

Anyway, so when my friends do something that provides entertainment with little to no effort from me, I am reminded why I keep them.

This story begins with an infomercial. Yes, an infomercial. Those things on TV that last for thirty minutes or so, promoting 'amazing', 'exclusive offers' for products and contraptions that legitimate stores know better than to try and sell. You've seen them: that Bowflex thing that Walker, Texas Ranger and Christie Brinkley promote. The Gazelle-glidey thingy that the guy with the ridiculously long ponytail invented and is very excited about. The Proactive skin system that Vanessa Williams speaks very highly of.

(Actually, if that skin stuff really works, someone let me know. I'm intrigued.....)

One day I get word from a friend (we'll call her Friend A), to let me know she has made a purchase. I like to give Friend A the benefit of the doubt as being generally sensible when it comes to life and money, although rumor has it she hasn't balanced her checkbook since 1999. But, sometimes she does things that (I am sure) are off the wall for the sole purpose of entertaining me and the rest of her friends. And the checkbook issue is completely irrelevant to this story.

As it turns out, Friend A was, um, 'intrigued' by an infomercial. In fact, it was this infomercial for this product. She saw the commercial, and for some reason inside her funny little head, it made sense to purchase....... the Bun and Thigh Roller.

And, she did. For two easy payments of $29.99. For you see, the infomercial boasted a 'limited offer'! Hurry now! And she did. So as not to let this 'special one time offer' get away.

Well, some time later, we discovered the same offer online. In several places. And eventually I, too, saw the infomercial. With the same offer. The 'limited time only' offer, that perhaps wasn't so limited. Or 'limited' in the sense that when the end of time as we know it arrives, the offer will then end. I did not, however, rush to my phone to order. But we, many friends and I, did turn the whole thing into a fun friend joke.

See, the fun part about these TV purchases is that apparently you get the item.....someday. Some say allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. Apparently the Bun and Thigh Roller shows up whenever it feels like getting here. Maybe it rolls here on its own. So, we waited. And the anticipation built. As well as the jokes. And the lore. This was quickly becoming one of those tall tales, like Paul Bunyan, or the 'ozone layer'. It was just too funny, and hard to believe that it's actually true or really exists. Someone I knew bought a fitness contraption from the TV!! It can't be true.....

Then, in the timeline of events, came another friend's birthday. We'll call her Friend C. As Friend C opened cards and gifts for said birthday, her gift from Friend A (Bun and Thigh friend) came with a story. Apparently, as legend has it, when Friend A called to order her Bun and Thigh Roller for the low, low price of two easy payments of $29.99, the person on the phone told her she could get one free. This excited our dear Friend A, and she said yes! Sign me up! I want not one, but TWO Bun and Thigh Rollers!! Give me a free one!

The second Roller, you see, would be the birthday gift for our Friend C. The two of them could roll together, with matching Rollers. Oh, the funny-ness just wouldn't end!!

Still some time had passed since the ordering of the Rollers. And as yet, no Roller had appeared for us to see. We began thinking of other uses for the Roller, as we all know that TV purchases soon go the way of all TV purchases by becoming useful in ways other than what they are intended. We figured the Rollers would soon be an eclectic coffee table, perhaps a coat rack, maybe an interesting footstool of some sort. But no! Friend A insisted she would roll the Roller to Bun and Thigh bliss. As would Friend C, recipient of the free extra roller.

More time passed, and eventually Friend A called Bun and Thigh Roller Incorporated to inquire about the yet-not-seen-from-tv Rollers. By this time, we were all literally dying to see the Rollers. In action. We planned video footage and hours of storytelling fun, all about the Roller adventures. They would become members of our 'family'. We would take them on vacations, give them names, raise them as our own.

But we had to have them in our possession first!!

Bun & Thigh Roller Inc. said they would be with us in 7-10 business days. Oh my goodness, they are almost here!!!! What is taking so long??????? Clearly, these are very fancy contraptions that required many weeks of skilled labor to craft them, before being sent to live with Friends A and C.

Right.

Well..... at last, this week, I got the call. The Bun & Thigh Rollers had arrived! At long last! I was invited to the unveiling and assembling of the inaugural Bun & Thigh Rolling. I cannot put into words how excited I was for this event.

No. Words.

But, there was one more twist in the tale. This twist put the entire tale over the top in terms of hilarity stemming from a television purchase.

You see, there was a mix up of some sort. It may never be determined if Friend A was intentionally mislead, or if she was so excited at the thought of a free Roller that she failed to pay attention to the rest of the phone call when ordering, or if for some reason Bun & Thigh Rollers spontaneously regenerate in form, as well as in payment required. For not only were there two Rollers delivered to Friend A, there were THREE Rollers delivered. And charged to her credit card. In more easy payments of $29.99. Turns out, the free one came with the purchase of TWO rollers, not just one.

Oh my. That's a lot of Rollers.

So, as I arrived for Bun & Thigh Night, I could hardly contain my excitement that I, too, would get to play with a Roller. I arrived with camera in hand to capture the event on film. Friend A and Friend C put together their respective Rollers, complete with lots of papers and drawings and pieces and questions and craziness. I put together the superfluous Roller (even though I am not keeping it nor paying anyone for it), with much additional confusion. The laughing throughout the process did not help lessen the confusion.

And then.......... we rolled.

Rolled like we'd never rolled before. We put in the video (oh yes, there is a video - possibly costing more payments of $29.99), and we watched people in tight spandex roll to show us how to roll. There was so much rolling. And with all the rolling, we would one day look like the ones clad in spandex! This is what we want!!!

Amazingly, none of the contraptions broke or hurt us. For, we are geniuses in assembly of strange contraptions.

And I must say, today my buns and thighs quite possibly look...... exactly the same as they did yesterday.

I've decided that when no one claims the superfluous Roller, it will look great as a plant stand in the corner of my second bedroom.

C.T.