The Secret of Love
Some people may wonder why the Tyrant isn't often seen with a beau. You may think I'm not in the mood to date, or that I just don't have any available options to date. Perhaps your mind may wander to the possibility that the Tyrant is not dateable, which is pure rubbish, I assure you. The truth has nothing to do with how fabulous, funny, hot, and desireable I am to men far and wide. Or that I am too picky when it comes to dating, and have therefore given up on the whole thing alltogether. No, the truth is that I just prefer to keep my celebrity romance under wraps.

I'm sure you've all seen this by now. I was shocked and disheartened to see this article, because now the cat is out of the bag about celebrity romances and their deep secrecy. It seems the fall trend in Hollywood is the secret romance, as opposed to the previous trend of in-your-face romance. But if everyone is doing it, how secret can it really be? Leave it to Beyonce and Jay-Z to ruin it for the rest of us.

One of the most important rules of being a celebrity is to keep who you are dating a secret, until it is good for publicity. It's on page 7 of How to Be a Successful High-Profile Celebrity, right after the section on How to Dress to Make Either the Best or Worst Dressed List. Once you have your secret relationship for awhile, then you make it a big, smothery fanfare, finally ending with a huge break-up, throwing all of your jewelry off the side of a boat (in front of the cameras, of course), and talking about the whole ordeal during a tell-all interview with Barbara Walters. But if the secret itself is a massive publicity stunt, well then the whole thing just blows up in your face. Ask Ben and J.Lo if you don't believe me.

But to come clean about my stance on the issue, I just wanted to put everyone's mind at ease that as a celebrity, I am dating in secrecy. So secret, in fact, that the celebrity guy I'm dating doesn't even know it, yet.

This is why you don't see me at awards shows, or in magazine interviews, or in paparazzi photographs smootching a handsome star in the shadows where we thought we couldn't be seen by people with eyes that are open. If we are out flaunting our love in the public eye, that makes it much harder to keep it a secret. And I've learned that you just can't trust the media to keep a secret, so it's best to keep everything a complete mystery to everyone.

Therefore, my boyfriend and my love life is a complete, total, universal, worldwide secret.

Even to me.

C.T.