The Picture of Peculiar
So, what to write about after not being able to blog for a few days? Myself, of course.

I watch people a lot. I love to do that, to notice things, characteristics. Consequently, I watch myself a lot. Incidentally, mostly. But I catch myself checking myself out at times, to notice things.

I walk weird. I definitely have a strange gait. Sure, it gets me where I'm going. But is it attractive in any way? I wonder. I droop my shoulders down often, but when I catch myself and straighten up, I wonder if I've gone too far the other way, forcing my shoulders back to overcompensate, therefore looking weirder than before. I try to walk with authority, like I mean it. But I'm just not sure that I do.

Aside from the shoulder droop, I feel like I just kind of stumble around. Of course, sometimes that's because I am clumsy by nature, and I tend to often actually stumble around, over, and into things. Years of marching band still has the residual effect of sometimes rolling my feet heel to toe in excess, so that usually looks weird enough by itself. At the least, I have an interesting walk. It changes as I pay attention to it, and as long as I'm standing more than falling down, I guess it works for me.

My face is odd. As is most of me. I often dream of being a movie or TV star, but then I remember what I look like. I'm not ugly, by any means. I'm definitely hot. But in that quirky best friend sort of way. I'd be the funny, yet strangely attractive side-kick, in the film/tv world. The Jeanine Garafolo, or Molly Shannon, or Tina Fey, or whoever. Pretty, but not the prettiest, and with a slightly peculiar look that you can't quite put your finger on. But the funny makes up for it, and presents an overall attractive package loved by most.

What's odd about my face? Well for one, my eyes. I have beautiful blue eyes. Only problem is that one is lower than the other. Not, like, Van Gogh lower and weird and in the wrong place. But as a result of sinus surgery, one eye decided it was tired and needed to rest a little lower after the sinus pressure holding it up was removed. It doesn't hurt, and doesn't stand out much. Fortunately, it's not getting lower by the second. It's pretty much staying in one spot, rather than swimming around my face. In fact, most people say they don't notice it. But me, I see it. Well, once I can focus my lazy eye, I can see it.

I have a somewhat scratchy, nasal-y voice. My singing voice is actually pretty okay. Even good, if I do say so myself. But somehow most of the time when I talk, I have the scratchy voice. But only sometimes. Other times, it's an almost voice-over quality voice. I actually did radio work once upon a time. On-air, even. But being as peculiar as I am, my voice goes with the peculiarity and keeps me guessing. Sometimes a croak, sometimes a song. I just never know.

Then there's the rest of me. Skinnier than I should be, although not on purpose. Taller than most, but still shorter than some. Lanky and gangly, even though I technically should have passed that awkward teenage phase quite a few years ago. Freckly. Big feet. Knobby knees. Straighter than the curves a woman would hope for.

Aaah, quite the picture I've painted here. Come to think of it, Van Gogh would likely be proud.

Man, am I weird.

Ain't it cool?

C.T.