Checking Out: A Boycott
I want to go on record as taking a firm stance against Self-Checkout lanes at the grocery store. Do you realize what this is? It's not a convenience, or a speedy way to pay for your groceries. It is a ploy to con people into working at the store, while we pay the store to be in there. What is up with that??

I know this is work because one of my very first jobs in highschool was as a cashier at a local grocery store. It was very hard work. This was the worst job ever. 8-10 hours a day, standing in one place, touching food and dealing with people. Usually angry people, nonetheless. By the time people have spent an hour in a grocery store, often with small children and two carts full of groceries and at least 108 coupons, when they get to the cashier they are ready to give someone an earful about their experience of not being able to find the pickles. And it is always the cashier's fault.

I had to learn produce codes. These are the three-digit numbers assigned to every fruit or vegetable in the produce department, used to ring up these items as they cross the scanner. We didn't get a cheat sheet to use in the heat of a produce ring-up moment. We actually had to take tests on these numbers. There were easily over a hundred numbers I had to learn. And not just for things like 'apple', or 'banana', or 'lettuce'. No, there is a wide variety of apples and bananas and lettuce, each with its own individual number. I spent hours in the produce department learning the difference between Romaine and Iceberg lettuce, Granny Smith and Fuji apples. And what the heck is a qumquat, or a leak, or a jicama? I have no idea. But I do know that people buy them and expect the cashier to know what they are.

When I couldn't handle the grocery store environment anymore, I took my cashier-ing career to Wal-Mart. Here there were no codes to learn. But it was an entirely different level of hell.

At Wal-Mart, we have Back to School days. Aisles and aisles of school supplies, packed with frantic parents chasing their children up and down these aisles, and freaking out because they can't find the right kind of water color paints for their first grader. It's impossible to find anything on these aisles. Within about five minutes of the store opening, everything is littered all over the floor, and the shelves are literally bare. The Back to School 'aisles' become Back to School 'piles' covered with anxious parents scavenging for the last few items on the crumpled list they hold in one hand. I'll never understand why people pick things up from the shelves, decide they don't want it, then toss it conveniently to the middle of the floor.

Back to School shopping is a scary phenomenon. These parents are determined to get as many school supplies as possible for as little money as possible. My favorite Back to School Hell story is the woman who purchased a stack of folders that were marked '5 for $1.00'. As I rang them up, each folder displayed on the screen as .20 each. When she saw this, she literally freaked out and made me void out every single folder, then ring them up again as the 5 for $1.00 price. She wasn't about to let me cheat her out of such a good deal.

In my experience, five folders at twenty cents each adds up to exactly one dollar. But at Wal-Mart, the insane parent customers are always right.

With my cashier-ing career now several years behind me, I have long since enjoyed leaving the cashier-ing to other people when I go shopping. I hated being a cashier. I never want to do it again.

So imagine my disappointment and confusion one day several months ago when I get to the checkout counters at my grocery store and I see four new checkout places with no cashier-type person anywhere to be found. I see signs proudly proclaiming that they now offer Self-Checkout, where the customer can process and pay for groceries without the help of a cashier. And I notice that the store seems to think this is a good thing that customers will enjoy.

For awhile I fought these Self-Checkout registers. I refused to use them. I only cashier for people who pay me to do so. But one day the regular lines were too long, and the Self Lanes were wide open, so I ventured over to see what there was to see. It's a computer that walks you through the whole process, complete with a money changer, . . . and a list of those produce codes I once had to memorize many years ago. You have got to be kidding me! Those lists are printed and public knowledge now??? I suddenly wished I had back all those wasted hours of learning three digit numbers for exotic varieties of peppers.

Now having used the Self-Checkout registers a few times, I've scientifically proven that it is an experiment that will not last. It's a horrible idea. For one, it is not any faster than a regular Express lane. In fact, often it is much slower. The computer is very picky, and often requires assistance from the grocery store person monitoring the activity of these 'self' lanes. Usually, there is one person monitoring four Self Lanes. If you get stuck behind someone who has never had cashier-ing experience (as I've had), you will certainly be in line a long time as they figure out bar codes and produce codes and how to work the whole contraption.

I don't know about you, but grocery shopping for me is hard enough work in itself. And what are we paying for, if not good service from our local grocery store, including good cashier service? This 'self-serve' fiasco started with stores that 'let' you bag your own groceries. It was supposed to be a money saving promotion, with the idea that if the store isn't paying people to bag your groceries for you, they are passing the savings on to you as you do it yourself. Now, by taking away cashiers and encouraging you to not only push your own cart around the store, put your own groceries in the cart, take them to the checkout lanes yourself, and then scan them and bag them yourself, I really feel I should be walking out of the grocery store with my stuff, but without paying anyone a dime. I'm actually doing them a service by doing the whole thing myself, if you ask me. Who else is going to remove those dated food items from the shelves? That stuff doesn't walk out on its own.

What's next? Will they offer Self-Stocking? Where customers can come in and unload the boxes of inventory onto the shelves themselves? Self-Meat Countering, where customers get behind the counter, pick out their own slab of meat, and cut it themselves? Self-Pharmacy Use, where you put on one of those white lab coats, step behind the counter, and fill your own prescriptions? Where does it end???

There are Self-Checkout lanes at Home Depot now. I saw them, and cried. The madness has spread. And we are slowly being brainwashed into thinking this is a good idea.

I hereby boycott Self-Checkout lanes at all stores. And you would be smart to boycott this travesty, too. Do not be fooled by these stores and the way they present Self-Checkout as the next quickest thing to getting you out of the store and on your way. It is work, people!

Unless you work at a grocery store, let the cashiers do the work.

C.T.