Monday, March 17, 2008

Hello, Bachelor from London. Let me play my clarinet for you.

I'm watching The Bachelor for the first time in several seasons and I'm a little sad that I'm watching it. True, it will give me more than enough fodder to make fun of a lot of ridiculous girls. And I have to say, I do enjoy the dude's British accent.

But quite frankly, delving back into The Bachelor might not be the best use of my valuable, rockstar time.

I don't even know where to start making fun of the girls on this season of the show.

Oh wait. Yes I do.

First of all, Crazy Clarinet Girl? As one who has played a clarinet, I have learned a very valuable lesson specifically involving the clarinet: you will never woo a man by playing a clarinet.

It's just not a cool thing to do. I mean, who goes to a party to meet a hottie and takes their clarinet with them anyway? That's ridiculous. It's no wonder you haven't found a man, yet. You travel with a clarinet to social settings.

Guitar-I-Wrote-a-Song-For-You-Girl? Seriously????

I'm Miss Earth New York and I Made My Own Crazy Dress with Bedazzlers Glued to my Head Girl? Really???

I Just Chewed a Chunk Out of This Beer Can Girl??? What???

Miss Cuss-A-Lot Porn Star Wannabe and I Put My Panties in Your Pocket and Then I Passed Out Girl? Are you kidding me with this????

In case anyone is wondering, I have just named myself Miss Earth My House. I recycled a bunch of stuff today. Tomorrow, I will make my own dress and glue some stuff to my head. Since that seems to be what comes with the title of Miss Earth.

Do I then have to recycle the stuff I glue to my head? I'm a little fuzzy on the rules.


Update: I stand corrected. Clearly, using a clarinet to serenade a Brit works, and I should do this more often. Also, making my own dress and gluing beads to my head will, in fact, impress a man. Good thing I'm already working on that one.


DesiGirl said...

Cleary, you are IGNORANT about various talents that one may have. Playing the Clarinet is a skill, perhaps not one I would on a date but a talent regardless. Also, why is it that is something is not all white and American then it isn't right. Do the world a FAVOR and broaden your horizons as your mind is VERY Narrow. Marshana is wearing a traditional INDIAN outfit called a Lehenga, and NOT a Sari as some others have mentioned. Those aren't "Bedazzlers" on her head...but rather a Tikka and a Bindi. As an Indian woman it is good to see someone like Marshana, who isn't Indian embrace our culture. Caring for the environment is someting we all should do and it's great she stands for that. What do you stand for? Trashing people? Is that what you call a life? Please go learn a skill, any skill, Clarinet, Song, sewing, or whatever and leave people alone.

Hope you can feel better about yourself soon enough and not feel like you have to put people down to feel better. Next time you want to write something negative, phone a friend.

The Cynical Tyrant said...

My skill is sarcastic commentary. Der.

And 11 years of clarinet. Wow, that's a lot of reeds. Seriously, I should brush up on that skill.

Also, I taught myself how to chew a chunk out of a beer can just now. So now I have THREE skills. It's a big day for me.

Thanks for reading! Lighten up.