Thursday, June 21, 2007

Two things I don't understand

1. Why do old people hate sidewalks?

I've noticed at least three different old people in my neighborhood who walk the streets on a regular basis, all independent of each other. But they never walk on the sidewalk. They're always out in the middle of the street, constantly looking around for cars and staring us down as we have to slow down and get WAY over to the side of the road to pass them without hitting them . . . . as though the cars should not be driving down their road while they are clearly trying to walk down the middle of it.

Are sidewalks a relatively new invention? Are old people uncomfortable in a time when they don't have to play chicken with cars in the road, as perhaps they had to do when they were children? Are we only allowed to use sidewalks until we age-out at the age of 65, then we are forced to use the middle of the road if we dare step outside for a pleasant walk through the neighborhood?

I just don't get it. It seems the potentially less-stable walkers of the world would see the value in teetering along down the sidewalk, rather than taking their chances with the potholes and the traffic. I mean, we always yell at kids to stay on the sidewalk because it's not safe for them to be in the street. Why are old people suddenly exempt from that?

Seriously, I've seen one guy walking right down the middle of the street . . . with his CANE.

How safe is that??

2. Why do some pants have that third button?

You know, you have one, sometimes two buttons, right above the zipper. But then sometimes there's that extra button inside the waistband, to the side. It holds that extra piece of fabric inside the pants.

I guess my first question should really be why is there sometimes that extra piece of fabric inside the waistband? That seems to be where the madness begins.

But.... why? My pants that don't have that extra button don't fall down. It's not like the other one or two buttons would come off at the same time, or simultaneously cease to function, and the only thing keeping my pants up would be that one extra "emergency" button on the inside of the pants.

And in every pair of pants that I own with that extra button, that button always comes off of the pants. It's always the first button to go. I go to button the pants and the button just isn't there anymore, and the only thing left is that string shrapnel that used to hold the superfluous button where it used to be.

So, it's pretty much a useless button anyway. But you can't leave that extra fabric hanging there without a button after the button falls off. So, you either have to fix it, or just abandon the pants completely.

It seems like such a waste. Why can't we stick to just one good button, directly above the zipper, and leave it at that?

These are the kinds of things that keep me up at night.

I bet some old person invented that extra button. He thought of it one day while he was wandering down the middle of the street for his afternoon walk.



Rhealyn said...

its because nicer pants ("slacks," if you will) are usually fastened with a tab closure. this helps the pants lie flat and also looks more tailored and formal than a button would. BUT, the tricky part is that tab closures are less reliable than buttons. if the tab closure came open you could be rendered pantsless in some important meeting. accordingly, the mystery button acts as a back-up to the tab closure so no one accidentally sees your goods in a staff meeting or something.

take THAT, people with real degrees! you should have majored in costuming.

The Cynical Tyrant said...

i'm glad we are friends. otherwise i would know so much less about pants.