Friday, June 15, 2007

I might have mulched a snake today

In my yard. While I mowed.

Within the pages of this blog are the sordid details of the poor critters of The Tyrant's yard, past and present. Animals of the wild just don't tend to survive for long in my yard. With the exception of the rabbits. Somehow they manage to cheat death everyday.

It's nothing intentional. It just happens.

There was the bird that seemed to spontaneously lose it's head in the yard one night. Feathers everywhere, bird body in one spot, bird head in another. I'm still not sure how that one happened, but I swear I was nowhere near it while it was still one complete bird.

There was the frog that accidentally ran into the business end of my weedwhacker. One day we were friends, then the next day I mangled one of his legs... COMPLETELY unintentionally. He did not want to be my friend after that. And somewhere out there wanders a one-legged frog.

There was the squirrel that met an untimely end underneath my furnace inside the house. Again, not my fault. I did not tell him to crawl under there. I did not even invite him in to my house. He chose to take that adventure, all on his own. He knew the risks. I can only hope he died doing what he loved.

I really don't know what that would be, since he probably much prefered roaming freely outside, eating nuts and stuff.

Today, I mowed. With my mulching mower. And I think what I thought was a twig out of the corner of my eye was not so much a twig, as it was a tiny snake. Like a grass snake. I get those in the yard sometimes.

As I got closer to it, I saw that it was shiny, and maybe had a head? It suddenly looked a lot less like a stick. I can't really be sure. Because by the time I got close enough to it to see that it looked more like a snake than a twig, it was too late....

When I ran over it with the mower (I swear I was too close to maneuver around it without destroying my perfect, straight, yard-lines . . . and really, does it make sense for me to ruin my yard to swerve for what may or may not be a snake?), it did not sound like a twig being run over by a mower.

It didn't really sound like anything. Which was good. I don't think I could have taken it if I had heard tiny snake squeals pleading for it's life as it was sliced and diced by the mulcher.

I went back after I finished mowing to look for either twig shrapnel, or shredded snake carcass. I didn't find either one . . . and I'm pretty much glad about that.

And in conclusion for my defense, without a snake body no one can prove that I mulched anything.


P.S. If I didn't already have an Arch-Nemesis, THIS would be it:

That extension cord ruins a perfectly relaxing yard experience for me just about every week. How can it be tangled two seconds after I take it off of the reel??


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