Monday, June 18, 2007

I'm bringing sexy back . . . AGAIN

This time, on a bike.

I am recanting my promise about not posting any pictures of myself during the bike ride I did a couple of weeks ago. Turns out they had professional photographers at the event taking photos of EVERY LITTLE THING. They were pretty much like paparazzi, lining the roadways in clusters, sometimes around corners, and I'm pretty sure disguised as bushes and lightposts, too.

(hmmm . . . now that I think about it, maybe they really WERE paparrazi, fighting for shots of The Tyrant on a bike . . . )

Today I received an email letting me know the photos are available. I didn't expect to find any photos of myself in the mix. But I decided to dig in and have a look through the literally thousands (no exaggeration) of photos. I fear that in trying to find myself (literally) I may have lost myself (figuratively). I know there are more photos of me out there, but I had to stop looking. It's just too much . . .

Let's face it, thousands of people dressed in brightly colored spandex/lycra outfits and helmets all look exactly alike.

Exactly alike. See?

Now, be aware that this is a family blog, and as a general rule, I try to keep the overt sexiness to a minimum. But I feel that we should all see what I look like on a bike, as proof that yes, I do, in fact, bike.

In fact, this is the first time I've actually seen myself on a bike. Being the one riding, I never really get to see what that looks like. So until today when I found myself in these photos, even I wasn't entirely sure that I actually do bike.

Turns out, I do bike. I look somewhat like I have decent equipment and perhaps like I know what I'm doing. And, I'm not too terribly disgusting in all that spandex.

This first shot was just a few minutes after the race began, getting ready to take a turn while I was still in a pretty compact group of cyclists. We were just begnining to thin out. Hence the appearance that I may not be going very fast.

Also, it is a still photo. Not a movie. Hence, the stillness of it.

I noticed as I looked at the photo today that I seem to be expressionless even on a bike, just like I am in everyday life. I enjoy the bike, and at this point in the day I wasn't bored or tired, yet. So, I can only conclude that I am meditating deeply about the couple of hours ahead on the bike, about what is playing through my iPod (probably Fergie or something deep like that). And I'm also concentrating on not running into other people that are around me (but not in the shot).

Also, I notice in the photo that the guy behind me has quite an unfortunate view of my arse in front of him. I hope he wasn't back there for the whole ride.

But then I remember how I broke away from him in this next photo, creating quite a bit of distance between us.

Totally smoked that guy.

Later, I looked like this:

I believe this was after a pretty decent hill, which you can see written all over my face. Or perhaps this is the very moment I was ready to go home.

But moments later (as you can see below), I was fine.

Towards the end of the ride, this old guy blew past me. As he came up behind me he said, "Are you okay? You look tired." I replied that I was fine (in the most chipper voice I could muster), like that was a ridiculous question to ask me. And then I was offended (secretly to myself) that he would dare ask such a thing. I felt pretty good, albeit a bit tired, but regardless I am definitly a WHOLE lot younger than he was. I should be asking HIM if HE was tired!

Of course, if I looked then like I do above, I guess I can't blame him for asking.

Also note my complete lack of tan. And yes, Rhea, I wore sunscreen that day. Mark my words, I will not arrive at your wedding with a ridiculous sunburn....

Nah. I can't promise that. The sun tricks me into making the weirdness with the bad sun lines.

Anyway, that's me on a bike.

I do have at least one pretty sweet arm muscle. Everyone should focus on that before making any ridiculous comments about my lycra-clad arse.




Gmama said...

Congrats on the bike ride - although I have to say you look very bored in the pictures. Next time I'll keep you company.

The Cynical Tyrant said...

dude, that's my GAME FACE.

but please come keep me company next time!

Ken said...

nothing wrong with lycra. we all look good in it.