IKEA, part deux
I made it to Ikea on Friday after work. I get to leave work at 3:00 on Fridays, so I took the opportunity to head to Ikea before the after-work crowds had time to get there.

I don't have much to report. It wasn't dramatic, it wasn't terrible, it wasn't great. Overall, it was a good experience. I didn't tell anyone I was going. I went alone. As I walked through the front door, I text messaged Friend C just to say I was on my way in. I guess in the event I didn't survive, I needed one person to know where I was.

The experience was definitely an "experience". Driving up to the store, I had a sense of dreaded anticipation. It's huge. You see it from miles away. And there was still a line of traffic being directed into the remote parking lot, as though we were arriving at a major sporting event. So I had ample time to stare at the store looming ahead, whilte I sat in a line of cars just waiting to park. I had time to think about bailing before I got there.

I didn't bail. I kept going.

There were also dark rain clouds behind the store, so my first impressions of my attempt to go to Ikea were somewhat gloomy. But once I made the long walk from my car to the front door, I had time to be less nervous. The long walk calmed me down.

Yes, I was nervous to go to Ikea. I'm telling you, I'm inventing an Ikea support group.

I took it slow. I took it all in as I wandered first through the top floor of showrooms, then made my way downstairs to the marketplace. I didn't have an agenda, except to get through it without a meltdown. The store was still remarkably crowded, but not annoyingly so. I was kind of glad. I didn't feel like anyone was looking at me. I was kinda worried I had a look of fear on my face. Everyone else seemed so excited to be at Ikea. I know I didn't share that same excitement by the look on my face.

I thought about my sister. I looked at everything. I picked up a few things here and there and put it in my bag. Later I picked up an abandoned shopping cart. It looked like I would be buying a few things after all. My bag got heavy.

I wasn't really familiar with Ikea until all of this happened with my sister. Then one day I found myself with Ikea furniture and knick knacks that I didn't want. I only had them because of a very bad thing. I wanted them only because they were hers. It was all so strange.

But, now I see the beauty of Ikea. It really is quite amazing. And so cheap! I made it to the checkout, and purchased my items. Just some random things that I've already put to good use.

Some don't understand why I needed to do this. Some don't understand why this is a big deal to me, or is something to deal with. It's just Ikea, right? Some can't believe I would go two days after the store opened. Fighting the crowds, all that craziness. But, I needed to do it. And it needed to be last week. My sister would have been there opening day. I had to represent.

I think I'm not mad at Ikea anymore. I can even admit I had fun. I was teary. I was overwhelmed. I spent two hours in the store, working up to making peace with it.

The scariest part was actually driving home. I don't think I need to say why.

But, I survived Ikea. And I will go back.

And now I feel a little closer to my sister again. I understand a little more about that day.

One step closer to healing, and peace of mind.

C.T.