I Blame Ben
I've come to the conclusion that I can safely blame Ben Affleck for most things that are wrong in the world. And even if that's not entirely accurate, I am in the mood to blame someone for what is wrong in my world. And he seems like a good guy for it.

I've learned some disturbing items about my favorite spy show, Alias, and the upcoming 5th season. I'm a diehard fan. I've stuck with it from the beginning. Ups and downs, I believe myself to be a Sydney at heart.

But then Jennifer Garner goes and hooks up with Ben Affleck, and now it is ruining my life. I thought she and I had an understanding, as I have with everyone else I know. And that understanding is rule #2 of all of my rules:

2. NEVER, under ANY circumstances, get pregnant with Ben Affleck's baby.

You see, NO good can come from this. I mean, come on. Do I really even need to say it? No. It should be universally understood that it is generally a very bad idea to get pregnant with Ben Affleck's baby. I don't do it. Neither should you.

If a series of bad movies, and a bad fling with JLo aren't bad enough, would you want to be caught raising a child with this guy?



Look at him!!! Hat's on crooked....

I mean, sure. I will admit that I had the same crush on Ben that every girl had back in his Good Will Hunting days.



But, I think we all have to admit it's been downhill from there. My crush, and any thoughts of thinking highly of him have long since been ruined by the following list of lame movies:

Bounce
Surviving Christmas
Pearl Harbor
Reindeer Games
Sum of all Fears
GIGLI!!!!

ALL BAD! Very bad movies.

His handful of decent ones are somewhat redeeming. But, not redeeming enough to . . .

GET PREGNANT WITH HIS BABY! Do NOT ever do this, people! It's not like he has enough good movies, or acting ability to justify getting pregnant with his baby. Just. Say. No. You'll thank me later when you don't have a little Ben running around making bad movies and being a general idiot.

I mean, come on. Her first clue should have been that they MET on one of his terrible movies. (I prefer to think of Jennifer as never having been in the movie, even though she seems to be in this picture)



But somehow he showed up in a red rubber suit, and managed to woo her. I should maybe question her logic and possible idiocy, but I prefer to think of her as perfect, and likely under the influence of some secrect spy drug that is causing her to see Ben as a normal, baby-worthy human being.

See, here's the problem. Alias is now ruined for Season 5 because Jennifer is pregnant. The whole goodness of the show revolves around Sydney's abilities to to run, jump, fly, shoot, evade, be sneaky, wear costumes, make out with Vaughn, and be super hot. When you are pregnant when Ben Affleck's baby, NONE OF THIS IS POSSIBLE!!

It's only common sense.

So, I blame Ben. For ruining Alias, and for effectively ruining my life. Not to mention, he's ruined Jennifer's life and career, he's ruined Sydney's life, he's probably ruined his own baby's life by forcing it to be raised by the idiot formerly known as Bennifer, and who is still lame enough to be caught again with a Jennifer, effectively keeping the name Bennifer, only with a different Jennifer than the first Jennifer.

HE'S STILL BENNIFER!!!

People, we just shouldn't let these things happen. Only YOU can prevent Ben from ruining lives.

Rule #1: Safety First.

Rule #2: NEVER, under ANY circumstances, get pregnant with Ben Affleck's baby.

Learn it, live it, live it again.

C.T.