Tyrant's Rule #7
I don't really recall what all the rules are between #3 and #7. But I do know that:

Rule #1 - Safety First.
Rule #2 - Never, under any circumstances, get pregnant with Ben Affleck's baby.

Rules 3-6

Rule #7 - The Tyrant does not watch scary movies at home, alone, at night.

I used to watch scary movies without thinking anything of it. I actually liked them. I think it's part of my constant state of being semi-comatose, but whatever the reason, I've never really been scared by "scary" movies. I usually find them too silly to be freaked out, and I can almost always find plenty of stuff to make fun of in your typical scary movie.

Of course, this was not a problem when I lived in a third floor apartment. That high off the ground, it is perfectly safe to watch any number of scary movies, any time of night, alone. No scary monsters or psychos are going to climb three flights of stairs to get me. Everyone knows that.

People on floors 1 and 2, however, are constantly eaten by scaries and psychos. It's unfortunate.

So, now living in a house, first floor only, I could likely be a prime target for any kind of scaries and psychos to walk in and get me. Therefore, scary movies have been stricly off limits here in the house. Especially at night. Especially when I'm alone. And at all other times, too.

But, a few weeks ago my dad emailed me to say he had just watched The Grudge, and that it totally creeped him out.

This is significant for severalfold reasons:

1. My dad is not a superfluous emailer. He doesn't email to chit chat, or be silly. Except on rare occasions. This meant the news of The Grudge being scary was highly worthy of communicating to me immediately following his late night viewing of the movie.

2. My dad is not easily scared by movies. He and I have the same sense of humor. We make fun of scary movies. We do not get scared of them.

3. When he learned I had not seen this movie, he encouraged me to rent it and watch it with Boy J.

I thought that last one was awesome. Thanks, Dad.

So, a few weeks pass. This weekend, Boy J and I decide to rent a movie. He doesn't want to watch The Grudge. Apparently he is too good for scary movies. We end up watching a movie that Boy J chooses, which is this other really dumb movie.

All I wanted to do was not feel like I was completely wasting an evening, just chill out from a stressful week and relax with a good movie. Turns out it would have been less of a waste to stare at the wall for 2 hours, and it would have been a much better film to put nothing but a wall on DVD and call it a movie. I may have to break up with Friend L over this one.

Anyway, last night I'm on my way home and I decide, "Hey, I'm still pretty much braindead from being overworked. I will rent a movie." I stop in Blockbuster, and for some crazy reason I walk out with The Grudge.

I have just set myself up to break Rule #7.

I get home, and suddenly I find myself already anxious about watching it. I can't decide if I should really watch it tonight alone, or not. I putter around my house all night, taking out trash, yada yada. Doing stuff I need to do, but mostly keeping myself busy to avoid The Grudge. If my Dad says it's scary, it will likely scare the crap right out of me. And really, I don't need anymore stress in my life right now.

Finally, I decide to stop being such a girl and watch the movie. I have watched COUNTLESS scary movies, and only ONE has truly scared me to the point of not being able to function for awhile. I was a kid, I was at a slumber party with 4th grade girls who were older than me. They all wanted to watch Watcher in the Woods (which incidentally is a Disney film, but to this day it scares the living daylights out of me).


And they didn't watch it just once. They watched it all night. Over and over. And I didn't want to not be cool, so I stayed up and watched with them until I was too scared to go to sleep. I don't think I slept all night. Or for several nights afterwards. And I couldn't look in a mirror for months after that. Or out of my bedroom window. If you don't know what I'm talking about, rent the movie. Even just looking at the picture now, I'm a little freaked out....

Anyway, so last night I get ready to watch The Grudge. I turn on a few extra lights. I make sure none of the doors to any bedrooms are ajar, so that nothing could be hiding behind the doors to jump out and grab me. I lock all of the outside doors. I get all the supplies I will need to stay on the couch through the entirety of the movie: water, snack, blanket, bathroom run before starting the movie, all three remotes, phone, flashlight, baseball bat.

You know, just in case.

I settle in and start the DVD. I am snuggled into the couch. I have a remote in each hand- one controls the TV volume, the other controls the stereo volume. I am prepared to lessen the effect of the scary parts by manipulating the volume to less scary loudness levels.

I am prepared to be completely freaked out.

Now, I will say that I made it through watching the movie alone, safely. And my dad was right, it is certainly very creepy. Those kids? CREEPY. But, it's not a great movie. It's kinda random. It has some really freaky moments, but overall I wouldn't rate this one high as a good scary movie.

So, after all of the prep and anxiety, I wasn't terrified. I didn't have nightmares. I didn't have to use my baseball bat.

I broke Rule #7, and I survived. It was allright.

Of course, the next time I see a small Asian boy, I may completely freak out.

But other than that, and other than not looking in mirrors again, I'm fine.

C.T.