Shocking Idol Twists
Ok, I'm really reaching for something to recap about last night's show, other than 'it was bad - these kids can't sing.' Because quite honestly, that's all I got from it.

But, to further the tradition of 'shocking twists' on reality tv, I discovered a few 'shocking twists' from last night:

Shocking Twist #1:
Fantasia began her song from behind the audience and walked to the stage. As opposed to just standing on stage. I was shocked. This has never been done before on AI, and it was certainly a twist. Where is Fantasia? We hear her, we just can't see her. Oh here she comes. She's walking. To the stage.

Several other contestants also decided to wander off stage and through the audience, which is just never a good move. But apparently this week was shocking Venture Off Stage week, so there they went, wandering about. Combining walking with singing is usually too much for the Idols to handle. Diana DeGarmo proved my point, as she also incorporated high-fives while walking and singing. It was too much. Not a good performance. But did you notice how she walked by Amy Adams, last week's reject? Amy was having fun, apparently. And in a non-shocking twist, her hair was still pink.

Shocking Twist #2:
Elton John wishes he never, ever wrote a single note after hearing the Idols butcher every last one of his songs. It was horrible. Poor Elton John. He retracts every song he's ever written, because if he hadn't written those songs, none of us would have had to suffer through last night's performances. I'm sure in theory it sounded like a good idea to have Elton John week and bring him on the show. I'm just glad he didn't stay for the judging. He would have fallen out of his seat 108,000 times - once for every horribly-missed note in each performance.

Shocking Twist #3:
Camile's performance wasn't the worst performance. Don't get me wrong, it was really, really bad. But the award this week for Most Abysmal Performance goes to John Stevens, who just seemed to lose the will to even try to sing somewhat well. For such a nice kid, I hate to be mean. So I won't be mean. I'll be kind and just say it was awful, horrible, cheesy, terrible, and truly, truly abysmal.

Shocking Twist #4:
Pitch has left the building. Checked out. Gone home. No such thing as pitch anywhere to be found last night. All Idols must have been instructed to sing without the use of good pitch. Paula described at least 7 out of 10 performances as 'pitchy', but I'm not sure anyone knows what that really means. Because she says it every week, and yet each week more Idols have trouble finding the pitch. I can only assume that 'pitchy' means "void of pitch, but please keep singing that way because America continues to keep all of you around week after week, so we can only assume American really wants an American Pitchy Idol."

Shocking Twist #5:
Ryan Seacrest still insists on trying to make his 'Seacrest, out!' catch phrase catch on. Although for just a second last night, I thought he might not say it. He left an un-naturally long pause between the 'Seacrest' and the 'out', as though he had to remember his own catch phrase. Someone should really tell him it's not working for him. No one likes it. I don't even think he likes it. I'm embarrassed for him. But it's like he feels stuck with it. Insists on using it. Much like the Idols insist on singing week after week without the use of good pitch.

In conclusion, such a bad night last night. George, Latoya, Jennifer, and Fanatasia were decent, but not great. Although you would have thought Paula was ready to marry Jennifer last night after she belted her way through 'Circle of Life'. Because that's a great pop song and all. Especially sung really, really loudly.

It's really, really hard to choose who among these remaining nine should be sent to the Bottom Three of Shame. But in my opinion, it should be John Stevens, Camile, and Diana. Jon Peter was terrible, but I like him. So I want him to stick around for awhile longer, even though he probably deserves the Bottom Three of Shame.

We want Camile to go home, but I fear John may have earned himself a seat next to Amy Adams in the audience for next week.

It was that bad.

Shockingly bad.

C.T.