In case of emergency...
I will likely be too annoyed to actually do what I'm supposed to do.

Ok, not really. Actually, I'm pretty handy to have in an emergency because on a normal day my demeanor is just a step above comatose. Meaning, I'm generally pretty calm. On the outside.

Inside? CONSTANT emergency. But, that's another blog for another day.

Anyway, I'm the one who is annoyed when the fire alarm goes off at work and it is not a pre-planned fire drill. Instead of being concerned, or first considering that there could be an actual emergency, I'm annoyed that I have to stop what I'm doing and walk down four flights of stairs to get outside.

Now, what I did to get over this was volunteer to be one of the "official helpers" on my floor during fire alarms (and real fires, I guess). I gave myself something to do, and I get to be all important and calming, which is something I do well. Need to go to the E.R.? I'm your girl. I am calm, helpful, and I function well in crisis situations.

So, with the fire drills, my job is to hold the door open and tell people to exit calmly as they walk down the stairs. I generally also try to make it fun by welcoming people to the fire drill, and encouraging them to tip their door-holders on the way out. I am, after all, one of the last ones off of the floor, only able to leave once the floor is clear of people. Risking my life so that they can exit safely...

Hmmm. Maybe I didn't really think that one through well enough before volunteering.

Anyway, back to why I'm telling all of this superfluous background info.

Last night was cold. It was the first cold night we've had this season. I finally crawl into bed last night around midnight. I'm trying to get warm and snuggly in my bed. No sooner do I start to dose off when...

REALLY LOUD AIR-RAID SIREN!!!!!

Now, many of you may not know what I am talking about. If you have never heard an air-raid siren, be glad. If you are not old enough to remember a time when the United States was under attack on our home turf, you have likely never heard one of these sirens. But, let me tell you that it is one of the most piercing, loud, jarring sounds you will ever hear. You can't get away from it. You feel it.

I learned today that the city tests the sirens on the first Wednesday of every month, during the day. Not in the middle of the night. I remember when I was in highschool, I heard it a few times. It is SO LOUD. And it cannot be mistaken for any other siren sound.

So, this is what wakes me up last night at about 12:15am. It lasted for about a minute. Then, it was over. I didn't think much of it. I tried again to go to sleep.

Now, you may wonder, why did the Tyrant not leap into action? After all, this was a Sunday night at 12:15am. Clearly this is not the time designated for testing the siren. It is an emergency siren. Maybe there is actually an emergency.

I decided to risk it and keep trying to go back to sleep. It was, after all, really cold outside of my bed covers. I snuggled in....

REALLY LOUD AIR-RAID SIREN!!! AGAIN!!!

About 15 minutes had passed. And AGAIN with the siren. This time I was ANNOYED.

See? My first reaction is not to leap into action and proceed with emergency actions. I GET ANNOYED. I just wanted to SLEEP.

These are the thoughts going through my head as I listened to the siren go off again:

1. Are we really under attack? Seriously? Us? In Generic Suburban City, Texas? And who, praytell, is targeting my lower-middle-class neighborhood? Not a very smart attack, if you ask me.

2. Um, what exactly am I supposed to do? Like, what does the siren mean, as far as action items? If we are under attack, wouldn't I be safer in my bed under the covers? As opposed to running outside to see what's up, or trying to escape to somewhere? And where would that be? It's not like I have a bomb shelter in the backyard. I mean, I have a shed. But it's made of wood. I'm definitely safer in my warm bed.

3. Maybe it's a natural disaster. Hurricane Wilma? Doubtful. She's in Florida. Frost? It is the first cold night we've had here in Generic Suburban City, Texas. Is that worthy of sounding the alarm? Even if it is, I am definitely still safest here in my bed. Away from the dangerous frost.

If only I could SLEEP.

4. Maybe this is an episode of Alias, and there is a giant ball of red liquid hovering over Generic Suburban City, Texas, and they have sounded the alarm to warn us not to let it drip on us.

Yeah, that's probably it. If so, I am less annoyed and more interested in performing some sort of spy task to save Generic Suburban City, Texas. In the middle of the night, of course.

However, if that's not it? I AM SO ANNOYED.

Another minute passes and the alarm stops. I determined that we were all safe. Crisis averted.

I tried to go back to sleep AGAIN....

OH MY GOODNESS - AIR-RAID SIRENS AGAIN!!!!! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!

By this time it is about 1:00am. And this time, the sirens keep going. Not just once, then stopping like before. It goes on. And on. And on.

Ok, maybe this is something serious.

I decide to get out of bed and turn on the tv to see if the news people can tell me what to do. At this point, I can vouch for the effectiveness of the siren to alert people to something. But as to it's letting us know what to do now that we are up? Not so much affective.

Maybe it should scream instructions at us, rather than just make really loud annoying noise. Just a thought.

The tv tells me nothing. Between Elimidate and informercials, I get nothing of value to save me from this siren-worthy emergency. I decide to check online.

Still nothing.

And still, the sirens continue.

I decide to be brave and look outside, to see if I can see the attack, or at least see my neighbors running around, freaking out, or perhaps melting from something toxic in the air. If they'd stayed inside like me, they'd be fine...

Nothing. I see nothing. People aren't even turning their lights on in their houses. Am I the only one hearing this ridiculously loud siren? It sounds like it is in the house with me. IT'S SO LOUD!

Then I think the thought that all good Christians think, "Is this the Rapture? Do I not see people on the street or moving about in their houses because the Siren has Raptured them? Are those of us who do not qualify for the Rapture left here to be tortured by this Siren noise for all of eternity?"

I am suddenly fairly certain I have been left behind...

The siren continues on for a good 20 minutes or so. And then, it stops.

I am now SUPER annoyed, because it is after 1:00am, and I am so tired, and cold, and now I'm wondering what is going on.

At this time it FINALLY occurs to me to wonder if my family is safe from whatever siren-worthy emergency is happening in our city. But I decide that a phone call at 1:00am to check on them would not be a good idea, especially if they don't hear the siren where they are (about 10 minutes away). I determine that we are ALL much safer if I don't call.

I finally get to sleep. I'm a little shaken by all the siren nonsense, more so by being confused and annoyed, than really worried about anything. It takes me awhile to find sleep. But, I finally sleep before my own annoying wake-up alarm goes off to make me get out of bed for work this morning.

Today I learned that it was a siren malfunction. I think that tidbit of "oops!" info annoyed me the most. Seriously, I am now so desensitized to an hour of siren, I may never react properly if there is ever an actual emergency.

Oops? The siren went off for an hour in the middle of the night? Come on. Think of a better excuse than that. At least blame it on aliens.

I am super tired today.

C.T.