Saturday, June 10, 2006

Funk in an elevator
Smellin' it up when you're goin' down...

I work in an office building that requires me to ride in an elevator several times a day to get to and from my cubicle home-away-from-home. After two years of this, I think it's time that I point out a few things of an aromatic nature.


The elevator is NOT your personal space. We all have to spend some time in the elevator at some point during the day, which means we all need to treat that shared space as kindly as possible. Thusly, there are things that might be okay for you at home (perhaps), or in your car (gross), but that are NOT okay in an elevator under any circumstances.


Obviously it is illegal to smoke in an elevator. But, several times during the week I get in an EMPTY elevator and I am overwhelmed by the stench of smoke that someone has left behind from her most recent outdoor smoke break. And that is NOT OKAY. Fine, if you need the smoke break. I am not going to deny you that. But for goodness sakes and out of consideration for the rest of us who may not smoke or may not want to smell like you do, take an extra 5 minutes after you finish smoking, walk around the building and AIR OUT before you bring your smoke-infested self into our shared elevator.

And really, if you smoke so much that by spending 10 seconds in an elevator you manage to infest that space with the smell of smoke so much that it lingers long after you've LEFT the elevator just because of the smoke contained in your clothing, and that smell in turn clings to everyone else who enters the elevator long after you've been in it, you might consider cutting back a bit on the cigarette habit. Just a thought...

This is almost a more serious issue than the smoke because it is SO disgusting. And seriously people, in an office building, aren't we all adults??? I mean, really. FARTING IN THE ELEVATOR?? And then LEAVING for someone else to walk into a contained fart bomb? Seriously, who does that??? Fart and run...

Whether you are doing it on purpose, or you just forget that you are not at home and you let one rip, please know that even we if we don't know WHO you are, we all know WHAT you've done. Farts do not disappear very quickly when they have nowhere to go. If you fart in an elevator, rest assured that the people who get in the elevator after you leave have been assaulted by your offense long after you've moved on from it.

And this, my friends, is NOT OKAY.


PS: For those of you who know where I work, please do not come to my building and fart or smoke in the elevator next week just because you think it's funny. Although actually, that would be kinda funny. But kinda weird. And I would have to pretend I didn't know you.

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