The Jehovah's Witnesses have gone too far this time.

They sent me mail.

So, the Jehovah's Witnesses visit my house pretty regularly. It's the same two ladies every time. I don't know if they think I look extremely gullible, or if they just really like a challenge. But they show up here every few months, always on a Saturday or Sunday morning, usually before 10am.

That alone is enough to really make me angry. My Saturday before 10am is MY time. Leave me alone.

The first time they stopped by, I decided to be nice. I answered the door, I talked with them. I listened to their presentation. I even took their literature.

Apparently, I made them feel a little too welcome. Because now they won't leave me alone.

The last couple of times they've come by, I've hidden in the house and refused to answer the door until they go away.

One day I came in from my backyard where I was doing yard work, and I heard women's voices . . . talking. At first, I assumed I was overheated and simply hearing voices. But as I got closer to my front door, I realized that there were people on my front porch . . . having a conversation.

Yep, it was those same two JW ladies, hanging out on my porch, having a conversation. I figure they probably rang the doorbell while I was in the backyard and I didn't hear it. But they were still standing there on the porch, just talking. My window shades were open and I think the TV was on. They knew I was home.

But, I still didn't answer the door. I snuck away from the window so they couldn't see me and I watched until they left. And believe me, they stood on my porch for awhile. Then they stood by their car at the end of my driveway for awhile.

Here it is: I'm over the JWs at my house. Seriously, enough already.

Today I come home and I find a hand-addressed envelope in my mailbox. Now, I work with direct mail on a daily basis. It's my job. I know how to mail to people. And I especially know that hand-addressed envelopes are the most likely to be opened by a donor. It's more personal.

But, this was obviously the work of some random person, LOCAL, I might add (due to the local hand-written return address in the upper left hand corner) who needed THREE stamps to get the appropriate 42 cents for postage. It was junky.

I opened it and inside was a hand-written letter addressed to "Dear Friends and Family."

Um, newsflash. I'm really not your family.

A JW brochure also fell out. Subtle, right?

The letter starts, "I was recently at your home but did not get a chance to speak with you."

Ok, that's nearing stalker-level language and ridiculousness. That's just a hair away from, "I've been watching you from across the street in my car at nights through your front window using my binoculars, and I'd really like to speak with you about my crazy cult. Why are you ignoring me? Also, I have a shrine built in your honor in my basement."

So, now I'm officially done with JWs. That's it. They have annoyed me beyond the point of what is reasonable. I'm sorry, but pestering somebody repeatedly is no way to win converts. It's a complete turn off.

I've lived here almost 5 years and have probably been visited by these same women at least 5 times. I've never had a JW visit before I lived here. Seriously, I can't be the only one in the neighborhood who is NOT a JW. Go recruit the neighbors for awhile.

Leave me alone.

From henceforth, I proclaim an embargo on all JWs on my property.

I will not answer the door when you come by. You can stand there all day, I don't care.

If I see you coming, I will run away.

If I get more mail from you, I will toss it. Without reading it. Shoot, I might even send it back to you marked "Not at This Address. " Ha! You lose 42 cents, my "Friends and Family."

That's how I roll.

C.T.