Dear Smoke Detector Battery,

Why is it that you always insist on dying . . . in the middle of the night?

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

By doing this, you cause the smoke detector to beep incessantly, in the middle of the night, until it wakes me up and I am forced to get out of bed . . . in the middle of the night . . . to change the battery so that I can get some peace and quiet to fall back asleep.

Why can you not decide to quit working, say . . . at 3:00 in the afternoon? When I'm not even home? I'll gladly replace you when I get home. And I won't have to lose any sleep over you.

This is the most important thing in the world. The Tyrant should never have to lose sleep over these types of silly things. I get cranky and no one wants that.

Generally, I replace you regularly. Sometimes I get busy and forget. But, I do enjoy safety first. I try to stay on top of things. I have a ridiculously large supply of 9 volt batteries on hand and ready at a moment's notice.

So, it's kind of rude to wake me up in the middle of the night when I'm just a bit late replacing you. You know, it's really not all about you.

It's just not.

So, if you could, the next time you decide your time is up, try to let me know while I'm still awake.

Much appreciated,
C.T.