Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The most frustrating 32 minutes spent in Target... EVER
I went to Target during lunch. I needed three things. If I have more than three things on my list, I have to actually write them down. Otherwise, I will forget all of the things.

The things for today were:
Trash can
Slippers that I saw were on sale in the paper

A new trashcan was the main goal of the trip. But I spent way too long looking at trashcans. First, I was disappointed by the selection. I mean, sure. It serves only the purpose of holding my trash. But, I use it everyday. It's out in the kitchen where people can see it. It needs to look nice and be functional. The trashcan that broke this week is a can I've had for more than two years. I liked it.

The only color they had today was white. Or a weird off-white. My current broken trashcan is a nice shade of blue. And I couldn't find the right lid to go with the right can. I finally found two that matched, but I wasn't loving it. Still, I picked it up and moved on to the next item on my list that I didn't write down.



I found the Bandaid aisle, but could not find the Bandaids I like. Flexible fabric, clear, sport, sheer, plastic, antibiotic, cartoon characters. Why are there so many kinds of Bandaids? When I finally found the variety pack of the right Bandaid texture (flexible fabric, if you must know) all of the boxes were smashed in, and I think a few Bandaids were missing from each box I picked up.

Why? Why do people do these things?

I finally settled on a box of Sport Bandaids. I just want the Bandaids to stay on me. I hate when they come off. The box promised the Sport Bandaids would stay. I will hold the box to this promise.

Then, on to the next item, trashcan and Bandaids in tow.

Uhhhhh...... slippers!

Never found them. And I needed to go back to work since I had spent way too much of my lunch staring at trashcans.

Then I decided I didn't like the trashcan after all. So I hauled it back to where I found it. I can't afford to purchase a trashcan I'm not going to like in a week, because then I will be stuck dealing with it for the next two years until it breaks. I would harbor resentment towards the can. We both deserve better than that.

So after 15 minutes in Target, all I had to show for it was a box of Bandaids. I decided I could use the Express lane to get try and get out of there quickly and back to my office.

Why? Because it is supposed to be "express" for a reason. Quick. Fast. Not slow.

There were three people in front of me in the Express lane. After I'd stood there for a couple of minutes without moving up in the line, I wandered over to check out some other lanes. But none of them offered a better option. So I went back to the "express" lane. Which still hadn't moved.

Then I figured out what was happening. The cashier was a trainee.

Now, I ask you. What is the logic of training someone at the Express lane? Do they have any possibility of being fast if they have no idea what they are doing? Trust me, I know. I was a cashier at a grocery store, and at Wal-Mart (yes Wal-Mart) in highschool. The Express lane is for the fast, efficient, and accurate cashiers. I was there a lot. I know these things.

But, this lady looked like she was having a hell-riffic day, so I tried to tell myself to be calm and chipper and give her a break. It was all I could do to hold onto that simple request of myself.

The girl two people in front of me asked for a gift receipt for three of the four items she purchased. This was a request that sent Express Cashier into a panic. She had no idea how to do that, or if it was even possible to separate the items on the ticket so that some could get a gift receipt and some would not get a gift receipt. I don't know why the girl could not have just asked for gift receipts, and then stopped talking. If she didn't need all of the gift receipts, throw them away. Don't freak out the trainee and waste everyone's time.

Meanwhile, the line is getting longer behind me, and there is still another girl in front of me. Express Cashier rings up all of this girl's purchases, then she grabs my box of Bandaids off of the conveyor belt and tries to add my Bandaids to the girl's purchases. The cashier hadn't sent down the separator thingy, and even though I had been holding on to the Bandaids so they wouldn't get mixed in with this other girl's stuff, she managed to try and mix it in anyway.

Then the girl puts her credit card in the credit card thingy, does all that is required of her to make the credit card thingy work, and then the cashier didn't understand how the girl was going to pay for her stuff. For some reason she kept asking the girl to outline the box.

Outline the box?

I decided I would use cash for my purchase. Of Bandaids.

I had now been standing in line for about 10 minutes, or what seemed like 108 days. Finally, it was my turn.

She took the box of Bandaids again, looked at me and asked, "Is this all you're getting?" And then stared at me as though I should have many more things that I would like for her to attempt to ring up for me, and she (as well as me) couldn't believe I had waited all this time for this one box of Bandaids. I wonder if she thought I was having a Bandaid emergency of some sort.

Of course, if I was having an emergency, I would have bled out by now. Waiting in line. Forever. To purchase Bandaids to cover my wounds.

"Yes, that's all."

I realized I came to Target for three things, stood in the Express lane for much longer than "express" would lead me to believe, and all I got was this lousy box of Bandaids.

I gave her a $20 bill, she hit some buttons on the cash register, the screen read that she owed me $0.00 change, and then she almost started to freak out again.

No, I did not purchase a $20 box of Bandaids.

I did the math in my head (she owed me $17.51) but didn't want to tell her for fear of embarrassing her. The guy helping to "train" her told her what to do, she did it, and I was finally on my way.

Until I went through the door and SET OFF THE ALARM.

You have GOT to be kidding me. THEY ARE BANDAIDS! Worth all of $2.49 that I paid cash for!

I walked back in (setting off the alarm again) and waited to be confronted by security of some sort. I stood there. Patiently.

No one came.

Really? Security? Alarm? Anyone hear this thing other than me? I could be really dangerous! You don't know! I could have stolen a TV! Right here! In my pocket! Please make me try to outrun you! Anyone??

I stood there for a minute looking and feeling really stupid as people passed me on their way out the door, staring at me. I gave up. I walked back out, setting off the alarm again.

No one came after me.

I made it home with the Bandaids.

They'd better stick.


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