Um, wha???
Another entry in the never regular "Um, wha????" series of things that make no sense.

I love this stuff.

My last Atmos energy bill was genius. Not having anything to do with the amount of the bill. But the bill itself was pure genius.

It usually comes in a small envelope, approximately 8-1/8 size envelope. (side note: I work with mail everyday. Not at the Post Office. But these are the unfortunate details that are in my brain. I can tell you the size of envelope just by looking at it.)

Anyway, last month my bill came in a regular #10 envelope, on regular 8-1/2 x 11 paper. All standard size. It was different than usual.

As I looked at the bill, I noticed that Atmos was very proud of their new bill format. It said this under "Important Messages":

PLEASE NOTICE that you gas bill has a new look and format. Our goal is to present you with a bill that is easy to understand.

Wow, that is really nice of Atmos. I do enjoy easy-to-understand things in a clear format. Thank you, Atmos.

The "important message" went on to say this:

The revised bill includes your new Atmos Energy 19-digit account number. You will need this new account number when paying a bill, making a service request, or registering for our online....

Um, wha????

Did you just say... 19-DIGIT account number?

Sure enough, what used to be a simple 10-digit account number was now a 19-DIGIT account number. With FOUR hyphens in this number, ALL in random places. And not only is it MORE numbers than it was before, with MORE hyphens, Atmos has just told me to use it any time I try to pay my bill, or contact Atmos.

In addition to the account number, they have also now assigned me a CUSTOMER number, which is different than the account number. This is a 7-digit number located above the 19-digit number on my bill, in LARGE BOLD TYPE, with ZERO hyphens in the number. The 19-digit number is in much smaller type, without BOLD typeface, conveniently located underneath the customer number, my name, and my address, and directly above the meter number and the billing date.

So not only does my account number have more numbers in it, I now have an additional number connected to me in some way, listed on my bill, but it is NOT the number I am to use when doing anything regarding my bill or account. I have to use the hard-to-find, much longer, hyphenated number. There are actually no instructions regarding this new mystery Customer number anywhere on the bill. It's just there.

Why, pray tell, add another completely useless number?

I picture this scenario the next time I have to write out my account number on my check:

(not my actual account #)
62-934620187- (crap. scratch out the last three numbers) 620-430931 (crap again. scratch out the last two numbers) 26-0

I picture this scenario the next time I have to call Atmos for service:

Helpful Atmos Person: Can I have your address, for account verification?
Me: 123 My Street
HAP: And can I have the last 4 digits of your social security number?
Me: Four Numbers
HAP: And can I have your mother's maiden name?
Me: Yermom
HAP: And now can I have your 19-digit account number?
Me: zero, zero,four,two
HAP: No, not your Customer number. I need your ACCOUNT number. The longer number. With the hyphens.
Me: Where is that?
HAP: It's above the meter serial number on the top right corner of your bill.
Me: one,seven,dash,two,eight,eight,six,four,four,dash,zero,niner...
HAP: I'm sorry, did I hear a "niner" in there?
Me: Yes. niner,five,four,two,two,two,one,three,dash,three,four
HAP: Wait, what came after the ninth number?
Me: Niner
HAP: No, after that.
Me: Five
HAP: How many twos after four?
Me: What?
HAP: Let's start over. I don't think I got all 19 numbers.

Do we really think adding MORE numbers to anyone's account number is going to make anyone's life easier? I'm sure their data entry people are loving this as much as I am. Yes, let's INCREASE the probability of typing in incorrect numbers by adding more numbers, when billing is involved.

I can't even FIT 19 numbers on that little memo line on my check.

I just love that they explained how easy this new bill is for me to understand.

I don't understand.

And to this new bill I say.... um, wha???

C.T.