I'm pretty sure Bath & Body Works is the most ridiculous store ever.

I went to the mall yesterday. I hate the mall.

There is one reason I go to the mall, and that is to wait on the Jeep while the guys at Sears change the oil and rotate her tires. You might laugh because I go to Sears. But, I've gone there for years. The same guys work there as the when I first took the Jeep. They do a fantastic job, they're very nice, they never try to upsell me on anything, and they answer my questions without talking to me like I'm stupid.

For those reasons, they continue to earn my business. I've bought four tires and a car battery there. And when I need brakes for the Jeep, I'll get them there too.

So, while I wait on the Jeep for about an hour, I run my mall errands. This usually involves a trip to Bath & Body Works to get my shower gel. However, I HATE Bath & Body Works. So I try to buy as much shower gel as is reasonable considering I'm not very big, or I get the minimum to get whatever is included in whatever random sale they've got going that day so that I don't have to come back for a very, very long time.

I hate most of the stuff in the store. I hate being overwhelmed the second I walk in the door by way too many aromas all in one place. But they do have one scent that I like.

All you need to know is that it smells like me. It is Tyrant. Simple, yet unoffensive.

But what I hate MOST about the store is that it's hardly ever busy when I'm there (granted I try to go early in the day before it gets busy), but there are always at least 10 girls working in the store with pretty much nothing to do. And their sole job (for ALL of them) is to hunt you down and explain all of the sales and specials, and to give you one of their big shopping bag for all of your purchases.

I never get hit with just one girl. I usually get hit with at least three or four of them, all of which seem to not have seen one of the other girls who just talked to me. It's not like it's a big store. And it's not like I'm not in and out of there as fast as is humanly possible. AND it's not like they don't wear those ridiculous headsets to communicate with each other, because they do.

But I have a feeling their secret headset communication goes something like this:

BBW Girl 1: Uh, girls. I just talked to the girl in the bright yellow t-shirt and the Chucks. Caught her on the way in the store. I told her about all of the specials on the west wall. I offered her a bag, but she declined. Susie, you're up.

BBW Girl 2: Ok, I tracked her to the "Specials" section in the middle and I told her about the "buy 4 get 1 free" for the products on the middle and lower left shelf. She still didn't want a bag. Muffie, she's headed your way.

BBW Girl 3: I let her know about the 2 for $47 sale on face and foot items. But I forgot to offer her a bag. It's my third day. Please don't fire me.

BBW Girl 4: Muffie, one more "failure to offer shopping bag" and I'm sticking you over in White Barn to keep an eye on the scented wall plugs and to sort potpourri. This is your last warning. WAIT, does anyone have a "twenty" on Yellow T-shirt?

BBW Girl 5: I've got her in hand lotions and tanning creams. Should I tell her about the Buy 5 get 1 free on Tanning Lip Balm? Or should I push the Buy 10 get $5 off your 11th tub of body butter.

BBW Girl 6: We need to sell more body butter and she looks like she could use some. Like, for reals. Her elbows look like they've never been introduced to a tube of lotion . . .

BBW Girl 7: Y'all, she only has two things in her hand and she's making an escape for the register! Distract her with the tub of $1.50 tiny bottles of hand sanitizer! She only needs to buy 7 bottles to get the free denim bag with minimum purchase of $35!

And . . . scene. All of which takes place in the span of one minute, thirty-six seconds.

I hate that store.

C.T.