Sunday, April 27, 2008


I have some bones to pick. I'm warning you now, if you are not on my good side, you might not want to read any further . . .

In no particular order:

1. Home Depot
Home Depot, why do you make me hate you sometimes?

I love you. I have loved you for years. I don't understand why you insist on being stupid sometimes, which of course, does not make me happy.

Why, on a Saturday of all days, would you have only ONE person working the Returns/Exchanges register? Are you unclear that Saturday is the day that everyone in the world goes to Home Depot to buy stuff for the yard, or spring house projects, or whatever?

And do you not realize that all of the people in the world who bought something from you on Saturday morning will realize as soon as they get home that they bought the wrong thing, then they'll turn right around and need to come back and Return/Exchange it for the right thing that same day?

So, imagine my dismay when I had to make several trips to visit Home Depot on Saturday to deal with my lawn equipment that was dying off, one by one. And on the third trip when I needed to Exchange the wrong extension cord for a longer one, I arrived to find five people in line at the Returns counter and just one lonely soul working that department.

Then, imagine my confusion when moments later, FIVE additional Home Depot employees come to "help" by literally standing in the corner and looking at all of the returned stuff. But not doing anything else.

Well, they were staring at the line of all of us trying to return stuff. The line was growing by the minute.

Home Depot, please fix this before the next Saturday when I might possibly have to make 108 trips to visit you in one day.

Nevermind that I'm kind of an idiot and I tend to buy the wrong thing 107 times before I get it right the 108th time.

2. Doctors
Dear Doctors, I believe I've mentioned this before. But clearly it has not gotten better. So maybe we need to talk it through again.

I don't like waiting an hour (sometimes more) for you to spend three minutes looking at me. And it's not like this happens every once in awhile. It's more often than not the standard mode of operation.

And don't think I'm fooled by the SECOND waiting room trick. You know, calling me back from the first waiting room . . . only to put me in another waiting room to wait some more.


Here's the problem: I sit in a waiting room with 10 other people who are all booked for the same appointment time. Now, I'm no mathemagenius. But it's humanly impossible to see 10 people for individual appointments . . . all at the same time.

Unless you are a superhero doctor who can somehow manipulate time and also clone yourself instantaneously. Which, none of you are. I never see any of you wearing capes, and that is proof enough.

The thing is, we all schedule our appointments with you to work around our work schedules. I can legally get away with taking an hour from my work day to come see you. Now, I understand that my appointment IS, in fact, YOUR work day. But, that merely proves my point that I have to arrange my own time to come see you doing what you do, plus I still have to do what I do.

Yet, I continually wait on you.

So, when I wait for an hour and I still haven't seen you yet, I am confused. You offered a time for me to come, I accepted. We agreed on it by writing my name next to that time. I am there on time. I have gone out of my way to come to where you are. And still, I wait.

I'm comfortable waiting for 15 minutes. Anything more than that is not a good use of my time, or yours.

See, when clients are scheduled to visit me, I meet with them when they get here. If I made them wait for an hour (or even 15 minutes), I would probably not keep that client, or that job, for that matter. So . . . why is it different for you?

There must be a way that we can get that hour of wait time out of the way. If I could somehow wait at my office, or at my home, prior to the appointment so that I can be productive during that hour (as opposed to trapped in your useless office), that would help.

Or, maybe if I am supposed to be there at 1:00, if I call ahead and say, "Doctor, I am beginning my waiting now," that could be your signal that in an hour I'll arrive and walk right into my appointment.

It could be a Pre-Appointment. At 12:00, you do whatever it is that you do in that hour before you actually spend those quality five minutes with me, and I'll just let you know that I'm already waiting. Then when I get there at my designated 1:00 appointment time, we're both ready to rock.

You know, like calling ahead for reservations at a restaurant. They know you're on the way, and they have your table ready when you get there.

I'm on the way, please have that giant needle ready for me when I get there.

See? So simple. Yet, it saves my time and yours, as well as my sanity. Plus my office won't wonder why I've disappeared for two hours when I really only need to disappear for one hour.

That's all of the energy I have today to gripe. For those of you who know you have wronged me in some way lately, don't think I've forgotten. I'll get to you soon enough.

You know who you are.


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