I would buy you a monkey.
Haven't you always wanted a monkey?

I'm going to Costa Rica for Thanksgiving. Naturally, to celebrate Thanksgiving as my Costa Rican pilgrims and forefathers did many years ago.

There are monkeys in Costa Rica. I'm very excited about this.

Today I spent some time thinking about my need for a monkey. It had not occured to me in the past that I might need a monkey. But since they are abundant in Costa Rica, if one accidentally came home with me I could put it to good use.

It would be disease-free, of course. This is not the beginning of Outbreak: The Tyrant Infects Texas with a Monkey from Costa Rica.

The functions of the monkey are to be:
- A fetching monkey, to fetch things for me. Like paperclips.
- A typing monkey, to type my blog (or novel) as I dictate.
- A get-me-more-coffee monkey, to get me more coffee.
- A wash-my-car monkey, to wash the Jeep.
- A tell-me-I'm-pretty monkey, to tell me I'm pretty often. Especially when I first wake up in the morning.
- A bake-me-a-pie monkey, to bake me a pie whenever I want a pie. Sometimes, you just want pie.
- A pick-up-the-phone-and-order-me-a-pizza monkey. For when I need pizza.
- A laundry-folding monkey, to fold and put away my laundry. I can handle doing the laundry. But it never seems to really get put away before I wear it again.
- A lawn-mowing monkey. To mow and do general yardwork.
- A laugh-at-me-when-I'm-funny monkey. I just need to be laughed at sometimes.

So, quite obviously a monkey would be put to good use.

I can't believe I didn't recognize this need before. Good thing I'm going to Costa Rica soon.

I need a monkey.

C.T.