Welcome Again, Race Fans.
And by race, of course I mean the new season of The Amazing Race.

I know you thought I given up my pursuit and commentary on the sport of reality television. But I assure you, even though I have less time to write about it, I still watch as much of it as I can. It is my reality.

Tonight's season premier of TAR6 did not disappoint. I learned some very important things from this first episode:

1. Apparently one team of Colin and Christie was not enough last season. We now have no less than 8 teams of Colins and Christies this season, all of which yell at each other, belittle each other, and throw hissy fits every time something doesn't go their way. While there are many to choose from, the couple that has taken an early lead as the Most Like Colin/Christie Replacements (and dare I say, even more Colin and Christie-esque than Colin and Christie themselves) are Jonathan and Victoria. Seriously, I would not be surprised if their team is actually sponsored by Colin and Christie. It's impressive that I hate Jonathan already, and I just want to slap Victoria for marrying him.

2. As begun in the previous season of TAR, this season it is not only recommended, but it is required to use 'Baby' to refer to your partner at all times. Such as, "Baby, hury! Hurry, Baby!", and the shortened form of, "BABY!" which simply means, "Come on! Go faster! You're an idiot! But I love you! You're pretty!" I'm fairly sure the only reason the team members even have names other than Baby is so that Phil can tell which Baby's are which when they hit the Pit Stop Mat. Next week I would love to hear him say, "Babies, you are Team Number Two." Every time someone makes it to the pit stop. That would be sweet.

3. I fear TAR has enacted an Affirmative Action process of some sort, in that a certain large percentage of teams must be models. People not of model stature are in the minority. Therefore, the Tyrant predicts that a team of models will win this race, simply because the non-model teams are few in number. Our only hope is that the models are as stupid as they are pretty. And that the models are more stupid than the Wrestlers, and the team that can't read 'diesel' on the gas tank.

4. If you are one of the model teams, you must begin all of your sentences during the interview sessions with, "As models, ...." This is very important. Otherwise the whole world may not know you are models, and this will somehow affect how you function in society. In fact, I may begin speaking that way, so as to let everyone know that I may be a model. Or perhaps, a writer. "As a writer, I ...." It's impressive, right? Much like, "As models, we travel extensively ..." And... what. Therefore you know what planes look like?? That's a definite advantage.

Also, I would love to see the following Throw Downs throughout the course of the Race:
- Adam (Tiny Hellboy) vs. Bolo (My Neck is Cutting Off the Blood to my Brain)
- Bolo vs. Jonathan (Please Match My Pace or Be Ahead of Me At All Times)
- Kris (Oops, I'm Not Britney Spears) vs. Rebecca (Diesel? What? You mean, Vin? Oh... right.)
- Lori (I'm Really the Man) vs. Her Own Mouth

Aaah, I can hardly wait for next week. The start of TAR6 promises much entertainment for me.

These are good times.

And, lest you think I'd also forgotten my other favorite reality show, as an America's Next Top Model watcher, I am thoroughly involved in yet another great season of model mayhem. Tyra has done it again, and Janice never fails to disappoint with a random comment that makes no sense whatsoever. Truly, she is the star of the show. And will be for years to come, as long as the warranty doesn't expire on any of her body parts.

Long Live Models on Reality TV!

C.T.